Please take a few deep slow breaths and try to relax. I know your mind is reeling with possibilities and fears and worst case scenarios but lets just take a step back and look at what we know - you have a history of good paps and negative HPV. Your cervix was predominantly normal on visual inspection with one small area of abnormality. The dr believed it to be CIN1.
Yes you've had a result of CIN3, and I know how much of a blow that feels to you right now. But it is still a very small area of abnormality, and very treatable, and theyve found it and are sorting it out for you now in exactly the right way and process.
I'll tell you a bit of my story, but follow with me to the end conclusion before you freak out - yes my biopsy showed CIN3 and my LLETZ showed cervical cancer. BUT! Even I could see my almost entire cervix was abnormal when they took the biopsy. I had a wide area of white mottled patches after the vinegar solution, and there was some slight bleeding too - terrifying as I hadnt had bleeding during sex so I was shocked to see bleeding from the vinegar swab. I could see this was not looking good. And sure enough the cancer they find was broad and shallow, ie it covered a lot of my cervix but was not very deep. I was offered a hysterectomy due to the size of my tumour and the extent of different types of precancerous changes across the LLETZ biopsy, and I took it. But saying this on day 9 of my recovery, this operation is no walk in the park. It is a major life changing surgery with risks and benefits that need to be weighed up.
I know your mind is going crazy so let's run with your worst fear for a moment and see where that plays out. Let's say this tiny patch of abnormality is found to contain cancer cells. We already know the Dr said it was self contained to a small area of the cervix. If it was cancer- this is a huge IF, as you've a good history for HPV negative so this is a recent development in your body- but if it was, it would be early stage, tiny, millimetres, the kind that they treat with LLETZ. So just relax and take confidence that the treatment you're getting is the right treatment for where you are and what has been found. You'll also now get regular follow ups to make sure you stay healthy for your kids.
I know this is hard and you're reading it thinking it's easy for me to say, because I was the same (theres a reason why I chose this username! Haha) but what I have learned after so many sleepless nights is that this is not a problem you can worry a solution out of. The health service is amazing and full of very clever people and procedures who will take care of this for you, and will select the appropriate treatment to give you the best result with the minimum detriment to your quality of life. The only thing you need to do is take care of yourself and family, and conquer the mental health aspect of this scary experience. I'm learning to take things one step at a time and leave the troubles of the future for "future me" to deal with - because I know she will. And so will you :-) dont shoot the race horse before shes even fallen at the jump!
Take care xXx
Thank you for your response! It's so true, we can't worry ourselves out of any situation. I need to enjoy this time with my babies and be ready to fight if I need to. I hope you continue to recover well and stay cancer free <3
Whatever happens you'll deal with it! We are amazing women, we just get on with it. You dont realise your own strength until you need it ;-)