Smear due next month - TERRIFIED!

Hi all,

A bit of back story…

In sept 2021 I had a smear following the birth of my son. It came back as HPV positive which completely floored me because I’ve only ever had one partner. I spoke to my GP and he really wasn’t bothered and said it would most likely be gone by my smear the following year.

Last September my results came back as still HPV positive and boarderline/ minor cell changes. I had a colposcopy and the biopsies confirmed CIN 1. I was told to have a smear again in a years time and that it should all be gone by then.

So my smear is due next month and I am absolutely terrified. I have a 2 year old little boy and me and my husband are desperate for another baby but I’m so scared about what the results of my next smear will be and I just don’t know what to do. Do we try for a baby and risk me having CC and dying and leaving him with two children to raise, or do I have another smear and risk being told I need treatment? (A baby after treatment is a no go for me because of all the intervention that’s sometimes required during pregnancy and birth with a damaged cervix). I feel like it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s really getting me down.

I’ve done all sorts to try and rid my body of the HPV and have also paid to have the Gardasil9 vaccine. I’m just scared I havent done enough and I’ll still have HPV or worse. I suffer from PTSD following medical malpractice during my pregnancy so I just can’t face having another colposcopy done. The smear alone is scary enough! I’ve really suffered mentally because of the PTSD and what has been happening and for the past year I’ve managed to push it down and out of my mind and try to live a normal life again, but I fear this will flare it all up again. I have spoken to my GP about counselling for it but he was very dismissive and said 1000s of women go through this every year without issue. It just made me feel such a prat for being scared.

I really don’t know what to do. Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated xx