Hello ladies
I went for a colposcopy yesterday due to abnormal smear result, bleeding between periods and lower backache.
Devastated that they found a 4cm mass in the glandular area which I've been advised is 99% certain to be cancer. Due to covid I was alone and had to tell my husband by text, the hardest thing I've ever done.
Now waiting for an MRI and the biopsy results to grade the cancer and I'm just utterly overwhelmed with terror. Every pain I feel anywhere in my body panics me that it's spread and this sense of dread I just cannot shift.
Everyone is telling me to stay positive and I'm trying, really I am. But it's so hard to and I am just so fearful right now. Please tell me this is normal? Can anyone recommend any coping mechanisms? I just don't know what to do with myself atm. And trying to hide it from the children is just making it worse.
Thank you
Lou
Hello Lou it's perfectly natural for you to feel scared, especially as you don't yet know the staging or the treatment plan. It must have been even harder because you were on your own. There are quite a few ladies on here who have had a similar experience and I am sure they will soon reply to your post. You may also find MacMillan and The Eve Appeal useful for more support. In the meantime I'm sending you a virtual hug!
A
Hey Lou,
My heart goes out to you as it’s the pits - the worst feeling to be waiting for results. What you are feeling is very normal and it is terrifying as your mind will wander to some dark places while you wait for staging and a treatment plan. Once you have those then at least you know what you are dealing with.
Everyone on here can relate to what you are feeling so know that you are not alone.You have also had a massive shock as no-one expects to be diagnosed. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, keep busy if it helps and stay off google.
My story is similar as I was told at colsposcopy that he was 99% certain it was cancer and I was on my own too. It’s a huge deal, so don’t worry if you don’t feel positive- I really disliked it when people said that to me as I didn’t feel positive all the time. It is very normal what you are feeling, but know that you will face it and deal with it. We are with you all the way.
Big hugs xxx
Lou. First of all, huge hugs to you. I am so sorry that you find youself in this situation and I know how hard it is to hear the news, especially alone. I was also alone due to COVID 19 when I got my diagnosis. You can look back at my older posts as see that I had the same panic and terror. It was only as I got started on the process that I was able to start gwtting better at coping. It is just hard, no other way to state it. As humans, we know peoplemget cancer, but we do not expect to get it ourselves. Certainly not in the middle of a pandemic when everything medical is so strange. As a coping skill for you right now I would suggest you be careful woth what you read on the internet. Some knowledge is good; reading a ton of horrible stories or facts and statistics are not. Also, try as beat you can tonfocus on other things until your next step, but I know it is easier said than done. i promise, it gets easier as you know what you face.
i am so glad you have found us. This group is so amazing and supportive and we will be here to help and support each step of the way.
be good to yourself.
Thank you ladies, it's so good to know I'm not alone.
I'm going to try and keep busy as best I can but the nighttime is the worst. Waking up in sheer panic and terror nobody prepares you for. And my poor husband is getting just as little sleep as me which adds to the guilt!
I've deliberately stayed away from detailed info about CC, and left my husband to read 'the pack' from the hospital. I'm just not ready. I don't want to panic myself even more before I know properly what I'm facing.
xx
Yes. Nightime is when all of the dark, evil thoughts slither out. I started doing guided meditations before bed from youtube. That helped. I also sprayed lavender essential oils, and built a little sleep shrine of items important to me near my bed. I also sometimes took Nyquil or sometjing else to make me sleep and uninterrupted night. And sometimes I just got up in the middle of the night and did something else, which is backed by sleep reseach. And sometimes, nights were just bad. I tried not to let a bad night lead to a bad day.
it gets better.
That's all amazing advice thank you. Definitely need to find some new mindfulness techniques. GP has also prescribed me some sleeping tablets. Hoping if I can start getting some decent sleep in then I may have more fight against the terror during the day xx
Hi Lou.
I really, really feel for you. The waiting is by far the worst bit - every little twinge has you panicked. It's completely normal.
I too was diagnosed alone due to Covid and had to break the news to my partner. So awful.
Keep coming on here, keep talking to us because we understand xxxxx
Ended up back in the hospital today as felt something had moved into the top part of my vagina. Turns out I wasn't going crazy as they removed a fairly large (4ish cm) grey mass that was sat there loose.
Doc said he had no idea what it was, nor did the nurse. Consultant thinks it may be tissue from the LLETZ but all I know is that it's freaked the hell out of me even more than before xx
Try knitting a bit or crichet or some crafting, it takes ur mind of things and puts you in a semi meditative state, relaxing the muscles, calming the blood pressure and breathing, improves hand eye co ordination. Best bit you have a garment or accessory and say I have made this = Self esteem. Yes I agree nights are very hard, so I stay up knitting and trying to finish a stitching job I have been commissioned to make for a Company, nice work if you can get it. Lavendar oil mist sprayed on pillow is very nice or a lav sachet inside your pillowcase works wonders too. Maybe try soothing Chinese traditional music, you will fall asleep so blissfully, I bring my phone to bed find a Chinese music YT video, or listening to rain n thunder YT video, curled up on my memory foam bed raised up a bit, the peaceful music sends me off to sleep, never known nights to go so quickly. I put the Chinese music on when Natalie gives me a deep relaxing facial n luxury pedicure. Try it it really works. Everyone deserves a bit of luxury on face and feet. I have taken to doing my nails myself, they are growing sliwly but Nail Envy really does work for me.
Yes waiting for results or diagnosis such as yours is very difficult, you must be very worried. I’m sure the treatment plan will help a lot. If you are offered chemo, maybe you could knit a cooling bamboo cotton blend hat with a pretty flower attached to side? Lots of hat patterns on Ravelry. Be positive, I wish you every success.
As for me I am scared to death of having the hysterectomy op, so have asked Dr Z at Surgery to cancel it, take my chances. I have pre cancerous cells formed, i’m so afeared I won’t wake up on operating table or anaesthesia is not strong enough and I will feel every cut my body being knocked out. Worst nightmares. I hope your treatment option is better than mine.
Pray hope don’t worry
Sweet dreams
Ory
