My boyfriend's concern about oral cancer

Hi all,


I had a rapid progression from normal to CIN3 in a year. In september, I found out I was HPV + and after a colposcopy, learned I was at CIN3. I jst underwent my LEEP procedure and am waiting to hear back.

My boyfriend has tried to be supportive, but lately he's seemed more focused on the risk of contracting oral cancer (from oral sex, me receiving). I keep telling him that I was under a lot of stress and that's why my body didn't fight it off but he most likely has or will. And he can get the vaccine to prevent further infection. He seems set on the idea that even though I had a weak immune system, maybe it was a "more aggressive" version of whatever strain it was. I'm in medical school and Ic an tell you I don't think that happens, but I've been reading up on it. 

I don't know what to do or tell him. I got a cryptic response from my ob/gyn saying "just avoid for now" no oral sex ever? If he carries it orally, no kissing? I'm still getting over my whole experience and now I feel like a sexual leper. And he hasn't been supportive because he's too preoccupied with possibly having oral cancer and not being able to get tested for it.

I don't know what to do, what to tell him, or how to feel.

Any support or information would be appreciated. 

Yes I have read about men contracting oral cancer from women with HPV but usually they smoke or use tobacco 

Sorry to hear about your troubles with your partner  to be perfectly honest his fears are valid because they are the same ones we face everyday with our diagnosis. I would urge your boyfriend to realize that there is literally no way for either of you to know who infected who. 80% of the people both of you have slept with were likely to have HPV and regardless if it was you or another woman he would probably be in a similar situation at some point. That is the sad state of HPV.  There is nothing he can do to change that and at the very least he now has an awareness of it and can actually make strides to prevent the more gruesome realities of HPV (like building his own immune system). 

I’m not a medical student but I’ve done a lot of research on persistent high risk HPV and have learned that in some cases healing the immune system is not enough. Most people do heal themselves naturally but if you have recurrent HPV it is likely not simply a weakened immune system  

 This article from Science Daily discusses how unpredictable cell division is sometimes to blame for recurrent and aggressive HPV infections regardless of the strength of someone’s immune system.


I know this does not bring you any comfort because it essentially crushed my soul BUT after two LEEP procedures, a decade of HPV/ CIN3 diagnosis, and a ton of money spent on trying to boost my immune system I at the very least have a better understanding of what I’m dealing with.   



From reading posts on MacMillan in the head, neck and throat cancer section I discovered that there are men who have been diagnosed with hpv from a swab of their throat. I came across a thread where the wife of a throat cancer sufferer who was over 65 was requesting a smear test from her gp to ensure that she didn't have hpv. I am not a medical student but with hpv first testing just being rolled out I wonder if men & women could have a routine hpv swab when they go for dental check ups. Then men & women would both know that they had it & could watch out for symptoms. What do you think? I may be wrong from a medical facts/scientific point of view. With coronavirus atm this would not be practical but in the long term it may be a possibility. Could people even self test from the comfort of their own homes? Maybe I am wrong as I am not a scientist but what do you think?