Last December i had my first ever smear and within a week the nurse from my drs surgery rang to tell me that i had mild cell changes and high risk HPV so would need to go for a colposcopy. I was completely devastated and i spent Christmas and New Year completely miserable and stressed. I had my colposcopy and the Dr put me onto yearly screening.I had put it to the back of my mind and tried to forget about it but i had my letter through on saturday to make a smear app for on or after the 4th December. All the worries and fears i had have resurfaced and i feel so sick. I dont know if i can deal with the stress of this everytime. I have a 19 month old son and i just worry about it all so much. I hate that i have this HPV it makes me feel like i have a time bomb waiting to go off. I really feel that if the cell changes have progressed i would prefer to have a hysterectomy and not have the risk or worry anymore. I did want more children but i have my perfect son and i need to guarantee that i will be always here for him and watch him grow up. It might sound premature to be thinking like that but i cant see past it atm. Am i completely loopy?