Last December i had my first ever smear and within a week the nurse from my drs surgery rang to tell me that i had mild cell changes and high risk HPV so would need to go for a colposcopy. I was completely devastated and i spent Christmas and New Year completely miserable and stressed. I had my colposcopy and the Dr put me onto yearly screening.I had put it to the back of my mind and tried to forget about it but i had my letter through on saturday to make a smear app for on or after the 4th December. All the worries and fears i had have resurfaced and i feel so sick. I dont know if i can deal with the stress of this everytime. I have a 19 month old son and i just worry about it all so much. I hate that i have this HPV it makes me feel like i have a time bomb waiting to go off. I really feel that if the cell changes have progressed i would prefer to have a hysterectomy and not have the risk or worry anymore. I did want more children but i have my perfect son and i need to guarantee that i will be always here for him and watch him grow up. It might sound premature to be thinking like that but i cant see past it atm. Am i completely loopy?
I know it’s easier said than done but please try not to worry. The good thing is you are in the system now so any changes can be picked up before they develop.
It’s really stressful but try to take it one step at a time, don’t make yourself I’ll worrying about something that’s probably find.
Hello there I don't have any medical advice, just sending you a hug. I know how you feel about having thoughts of death... I have had them for the last 3 weeks, I am still waiting to go for colposcopy and I've just been told its going to be 4-6 weeks :( All I think of is leaving my darling angel boy... (nearly crying now!)... I can't even go there or you will find me in a heap in the corner. My little one is 6, and we are very very close. I am also trying to be positive... And I have found this is MUCH harder to do when I have not much to do, or no one to talk to. Ive just started a new job (stressful as its lecturing) but almost in a way it stops me from focusing on my 'premature death' and how will my little boy do without me etc...All I can say, keep as busy as you can, and stay on the forum... These ladies are awesome. Complete support. Hugs Kimmy x
I really understand how you feel, i had to wait 6 weeks for a colposcopy last year and it was the longest 6 weeks as you really dont know what to expect. I was really nervous but it wasn't so bad. I can honestly relate to everything you said and im having the same thoughts right now too. No one i know has ever had a result other than normal so i feel a little isolated and dont really know who to talk to. Im glad that i found the Jo's trust forum :) I will be sending you positive thoughts and lots of hugs, if you have any other questions about colposcopy please ask. Thankyou for your kind reply its comforting to know im not on my own please feel free to message me if you ever need a chat or any support
