You wouldn't be normal if you weren't scared or angry - I have felt every emotion possible over the last 6 months and have even had a mini breakdown! So cry if you want scream if you want cus this will not beat you you will beat it! Always think that when all you want to do is give up - it will take everything from you everything and will drag you along laughing but it is up to us to stand up brush ourselves off and fight the b****d until it's gone!! And we will all stand behind you cheering you on!
I too have been having issue with my bladder due to my cancer it was so large it has caused a hole and made me incontinent at 28, I have advanced, and I will be having a catheter when I have my internal radiotherapy just to help my bladder rest and hopefully heal so I know of your pain and frustration, also the embarrisment (I've had a few accidents as I wear towels).
I lost my hair just before my second session of chemo not everyone does....its hard at first (it's look like an egg!) But it get use to it, it scared my nieces and upset them but now they're use to it and I am, I sent one of my closest friends a picture of me tonight cus my hair is coming back and I haven't seen him in a while and he cried cus he hasn't seen me without my hat on....I felt awful but it was just the shock that's all! Loosing your hair is nothing if you get to see your children grow up....my hair was half way down my back, dark really thick and it came out in 2 days I cried but hair grows I'm excited in having diffrent short styles I wouldn't dream of doing before when I had hair! You are going to go through every emotion possible more than once and you are going to be more scared than you have ever been before, and each time you are think of your children and remember your going to win this!! Loosing is not an option!
I have found having something to plan towards its a good motivation - mine a spa day and a holiday for next year, the spa day is for when the treatment is over. I told another lady this on another forum and she has taken my advice and is planning on getting married to her long term partner as she too was the same scared, children, and didn't know what to do. She has thanked me for the advice and is using it - it's up to you what you want to do :-) tell me bugger off if you want I don't mind or you can inbox me if you want to talk more I don't mind.
I also find when I'm feeling down or sad or angry I can vent my feelings for upsetting someone I mean I have thought and even "planned" if what of happens and I know telling people this will worry and scare them so I brought a pad of paper and write everything down read it back then throw it away and I feel loads better for getting it out and not upsetting anyone.
I've seen a saying today "someone once asked my why I hold my head up so high after all I have been through. I replied because I no matter what, I AM a survivor, I am not a victim" I think this sums it up