Is it okay to be angry & scared?

Hello all,

i had my RH on 3rd August, meant to have catheter out by 13th but bladder didn't work, so was re catheterised. Fours days later, I went back & tried again, but no joy, so re catheterised again! So painful! Anyway, I have two more weeks with it. I got my results Tuesday, & have been knocked sideways, as I thought I was all clear from how op went. Silly of me, because one lymph node was found to have cancer in, so I'm starting chemo & radio as soon as bladder is healed. I'm so upsrt, & angry. Sorry for sounding silly but I just feel so delicate from op still, & this is just hitting me. 

Hi Sylvia,

You are absolutely allowed to feel angry and scared. I completed chemo/fads last week and aside from a bit of nausea initially, tiredness and loose bowels I've been well throughout. My tumour was too large for surgery first and had lymph node involvement. I feel for you having to deal with this as well as trying to recover from your op. 

Just when you think things can't get worse. Never rains but it pours. 

Look after yourself. If you have any questions please feel free to ask.

Big hugs Rachel x

Thank Rachel,

im petrified of the side effects :( I am still so sore, and having the catheter makes everything so real. I know it's silly but loosing my hair is hard, because my three kids will find it had to see. 

You wouldn't be normal if you weren't scared or angry - I have felt every emotion possible over the last 6 months and have even had a mini breakdown! So cry if you want scream if you want cus this will not beat you you will beat it! Always think that when all you want to do is give up - it will take everything from you everything and will drag you along laughing but it is up to us to stand up brush ourselves off and fight the b****d until it's gone!! And we will all stand behind you cheering you on!

I too have been having issue with my bladder due to my cancer it was so large it has caused a hole and made me incontinent at 28, I have advanced, and I will be having a catheter when I have my internal radiotherapy just to help my bladder rest and hopefully heal so I know of your pain and frustration, also the embarrisment  (I've had a few accidents as I wear towels).

I lost my hair just before my second session of chemo not everyone does....its hard at first (it's look like an egg!) But it get use to it, it scared my nieces and upset them but now they're use to it and I am, I sent one of my closest friends a picture of me tonight cus my hair is coming back and I haven't seen him in a while and he cried cus he hasn't seen me without my hat on....I felt awful but it was just the shock that's all! Loosing your hair is nothing if you get to see your children grow hair was half way down my back, dark really thick and it came out in 2 days I cried but hair grows I'm excited in having diffrent short styles I wouldn't dream of doing before when I had hair! You are going to go through every emotion possible more than once and you are going to be more scared than you have ever been before, and each time you are think of your children and remember your going to win this!! Loosing is not an option!

I have found having something to plan towards its a good motivation - mine a spa day and a holiday for next year, the spa day is for when the treatment is over. I told another lady this on another forum and she has taken my advice and is planning on getting married to her long term partner as she too was the same scared, children, and didn't know what to do. She has thanked me for the advice and is using it - it's up to you what you want to do :-) tell me bugger off if you want I don't mind or you can inbox me if you want to talk more I don't mind.

I also find when I'm feeling down or sad or angry I can vent my feelings for upsetting someone I mean I have thought and even "planned" if what of happens and I know telling people this will worry and scare them so I brought a pad of paper and write everything down read it back then throw it away and I feel loads better for getting it out and not upsetting anyone.

I've seen a saying today "someone once asked my why I hold my head up so high after all I have been through. I replied because I no matter what, I AM a survivor, I am not a victim" I think this sums it up

Hi Sylvia,

Yes, scared and angry is healthy and normal, so you shout scream and cry as much as you like so long as you don't make yourself sick :-)

I also had chemo rads following a hysterectomy and it's not so bad, honest it isn't. If you're on the standard Cisplatin it is unlikely to cause hair loss, that tends to be the stronger combinations of Taxol and Carboplatin. I drank liquid aloe vera to reduce the side effects from the radiotherapy and had Emend anti-nausea pills for the chemo. It was very tiring but not really much more than that. OK, I'll admit, a bit of bowel urgency and diarrhoea but nothing unliveable with.

Be lucky :-)

I was about to say the same as Tivoli. The usual regime of cistplatin along side radiotherapy you shouldn't lose your hair. They did warn me that I could have some thinning but I've had none of that so I would notice. My hair everywhere else seems to grow back slower and softer though- which is no bad thing. 

I too have found that the side effects are manageable. A bit of bladder sensitivity after my internal radiotherapy, tiredness and occasional bowel issues. All resolving themselves slowly now and I'm only a week out of treatment.

It may not feel like it now but there is a light at the end of all this bull@#*t.

Rachel xx

Big hugs Sylvia.  You can do this, rest up now lovely. thinking of you xxxx

So sorry to hear that Sylvia :( I would say it's perfectly natural to feel angry and scared, in fact it would be strange if you didn't. I hope that some of your fears have been alleviated somewhat. Can I ask what stage you were initially diagnosed as? I'm waiting on my hysterectomy and will be having lymph nodes removed too as cancer was found in the lymphatic space. 

Just seen this. So sorry to hear you need further treatment, but I echo the other ladies in saying that of course it's OK, and perfectly normal, to be angry and scared. I have no words of wisdom, but send big hugs to you xx


i was staged at 1b2 I don't know if anything changes now with lymph node involvement.