I have woken up angry this morning...........I need to get this all off my chest:
So im angry as I have to have more treatment and im angry that im 37 and have to do this, I have always looked after my body, gone for smears when asked to do, and it happened anyway. After my surgery there was a 20% chance that I had to have the chemo and the radiation, I thought great an 80% chance of not, surely im gonna get in those odds....but no I didnt I got in the 20% .
People keep saying its gonna be good and your gonna be okay, yes I know I am and I am grateful that I am and I know people have it far worse than me but I am sick of people saying that, 'Emma be grateful they found it' and 'Emma 5 more weeks, easy'
Easy....thats a good word isnt it, easy for who because they don't have to go through with this 'easy' treatment. Dont get me wrong I will just get on with it and I will smile but only people who have been affected by cancer really understands how it feels for the doctor to say you have cancer, in that one moment your life stops and everyone around you just carries on, although family are affected they cannot even begin to really get it, the day I was diagnosed I went to the shop for some bits and bobs and ended up buying two wedding cards one for each of my daughters to write as at the time I thought if things are bad im going to write them now while I can.......
My partener has been supportive but its hard to talk to him about it all as his mum died from cancer 2 years ago and hes still grieving for her, I feel like I cant talk about it when Im around him, god its hard, the person who I love very much hardly talks to me at the moment because hes frightened to death, how terrible is that its causing a strain.
I was in the chemist yesterday and the chemist asked if I paid for medication I said no as I am being treated for cancer and am waiting for my exemption to come through, she was lovely and I went to sit down and a woman physically moved her child away from me, as though I was diseased and dirty I said to her "its okay its not catching" and this is when I started to feel angry, I want my life back I want to carry on and I want to wake up in the morning and not have to think about bloody cancer........
Im sorry if this is a rant but I have to get it out