Having a bit of a meltdown

hi there 

so I'm almost 2 years post recurrent cervical cancer , I've had some ups and downs over the last 2 years but coped alright and an abdominal CT around April time this year showed no evidence of disease .  However over the past 4 weeks I've had a headache on and off , at times it's been partically bad and I've had to have the day off work.  Over the last 2 days it has seemed to ease however I am thinking the worst thoughts ....... Has my cancer come back to my brain , I know I probably sound crazy and I need to get a grip of myself , I've been doing well up to now but I'm going to see my GP on Friday 

I just needed to vent and tell someone that might get where I'm coming from  , my partner thinks I'm thinking negative and I know I am but sometimes I can't help but jump to worst case scenario .

thans Greeni xx

Dec 2013 - radical hysterectomy for 1b1 Adenocarcinoma ( ovary's left in due to age ) no further treatment.

July 2015 - surgery to remove left overary diagnosed recurrent cervical cancer to left overary , mass was attached to the iliac artery . Began 5 weeks of chemotherapy cisplatin and radiotherapy , no brachytherapy as oncologist said I would not benefit from it Due to site of recurrence .

Hi Greeni. I can't know exactly how you are feeling, but I do know what it's like to worry about new symptoms and believe 100% that it's back. To my knowledge CC is much more likely to recur in the pelvis or higher up in the liver or lung rather than brain. The problem with headaches is that they are so common, and caused by many different things, that it's so easy to think the worst. The stress of it is likely to create a tension headache. If it continues then see your GP, as I am sure you would, but try some relaxation, don't take too many pills as you can get rebound headaches, and think of all the other reasons you might have a headache. I totally understand where you are coming from though Greeni. It's second nature to think the worst, but usually a waste of time!! All the best. X

Hi greeni,

here you are welcome to vent anytime and we will be the choir, singing the chorus for you. 

I have a checkup on the 14th and all of a sudden I have twitches and niggles everywhere so in my mind my cancer is from head to toe.... no my toes are neuropathy!! Lol

im sure your headache is from something else but I totally get what you are saying. 

And..... I hate it when I voice my fears to my hubby and he says I'm being negative. I guess they don't want to think about it and for them it's easy not to. There is not a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about cancer in some way.

aaaashhhhhhhhhh........., there I screamed for us both :)

Hi Greeni,

I know exactly how you feel!  I was Stage 1B2 and had pretty much the same treatment.  At the moment everytime something hurts or feels off I think its back but somewhere else.  Trust me I have also had brain cancer in my mind. At moment I am scared that it has moved to my lungs....  We know there is no point in worrying about it, but for some reason you cant stop!  Its extremely frustrating. And then you end up thinking about it the whole time and then worry that 'what if I am attracting it to myself'.....  I have to admit, I am just glad that there are more woman that understands.  Makes me feel a little less crazy.  

I am sure your appointment with the doctor will go perfectly and that by Friday night you will have a good nights rest knowing you are healthy.  

Good luck for the future and may you find a way to fight the intrusive thoughts!

Nicolette xx

Hi Greeni. Just wanted to say I know how you feel, having convinced myself a couple of weeks ago that I had recurrence in my neck - once I'd decided that, it just got worse and more regular (I assure you, I really was experiencing pain). The GP made me worse, once he registered 'post cancer patient' he was all "red flag", "potential risk". I rang the gynea cancer nurse in the end, who said I sounded nasal and stressed, which was more than likely why my neck hurt. She also went through my last scans for me and reassured me this was very unlikely to be reoccurrence. Once I'd spoken to her, predictably the pain started to ease and has now gone. In my case I think I'd had a cold, then blown it out of proportion which stopped it just going away. I do this to myself fairly regularly! Hopefully your GP will reassure you on Friday. One thought, could it be eye strain, perhaps? My optician told me that both certain types of chemo (not sure which) and menopause can cause changes in eye muscles and mean that new glasses might be needed - he also said it can make pupils slower to react, meaning sunlight can cause discomfort more than it used to. 

Anne xx

Greeni, not much to add just to say I understand and I hope you get someone to help settle your mind soon. Agree with above  too, I have had to get glasses for first time since treatment. May be worth a trip to opticians? You never know! Best of luck xx

My consultant always says the bad things they come, they stay and only get worse. My gran had brain metz I can say with 100% confidence that the headache is unbearable, writhing around screaming unbearable from pressure on the brain, she was also vomiting, had distorted vision and other symptoms. I know it's really hard when you have something going on that could be cancer related but chances are it's tension/stress or something that else easy explained.... Take care xx