feeling scared

Hi all, sorry for posting this, I can see so many of you are having a much more rubbish time and I feel for you completely, I myself am feeling so very anxious and scared.

i am 43, and due to a very unpleasant experience during a smear I put off going back, fast forward 8 years and I have just moved to a new area and a new practice so thought I would try again with a different practice nurse - I explained how awful it had been and she was so lovely and helpful and most importantly gentle which meant I could actually get through the procedure. I then get a letter stating abnormal cells and HPV and that I am to have a colposcopy and biopsy - cue immediate panic about the procedure itself. It was unpleasant and very painful however I did it and there was a large white patch which was biopsied twice. I was told results would be 6 weeks and that’s meant Christmas week. 

before I even went for the smear I have abdominal pain like a nagging period pain on and off all the time, I bleed watery blood after sex and in between too, this seems to have worsened since the colposcopy and as time goes by I am getting more and more scared as to what it might be, and what the results are going to show.

as I say I am sorry for posting such a pathetic post especially at my age,  I have very few people I can talk to as I am in a new area, my partner is fabulous but I can’t talk to him about how scared I am as bless him he would worry so much, I have an Amazing new set of in laws who have been great but again can’t confide in them and I keep finding them asking if I have the results yet which is making me more anxious - they keep saying they would have rushed it through if it were bad, having dealt with histology pots in a previous job I know that there is rarely any urgent caveat out in as it costs too much no matter what might be in the pot they all become equal at the lab.

apologies again and wishing you all a peaceful weekend

 Belle x

Hi Belle,

Don't feel bad about being frightened, it's completely natural and what anyone would do in this situation.

I know exactly how you feel, I got the same smear results and have my colposcopy today. I've also moved to a new area so I'm not around anyone I can confide in!

It's so rubbish that you'll have to wait so long - especially over Christmas.

Did the person doing your colposcopy say anything about what they saw during the procedure? From what I've read it sounds like lots of people show a white patch during the colposcopy because that's what would have come up on the smear, so you're not alone.

Hold tight and try not to focus on it too much (easier said than done I know!). If you need someone to talk to you can message me.

Good luck and have a good weekend.

Amy x


Hi Amy thank you for replying - i hope you’re feeling ok? 

They were very nice at the colposcopy clinic but just explained what they were doing, I asked if they thought it looked like it was going to be ok and they said they couldn’t comment it was more than their jobs worth. Apparently the white area was the abnormal part - it covered about a 1/3 of the entire area, they turned the camera off and took the biopsies which were excruciatingly painful despite then telling me I wouldn’t notice it. I think the waiting and increasing pain and weird bleeding are just making me more and more scared about what might be ahead - plus the added stress of a recent move across 2 counties probably isn’t helping!

same goes Amy if you need an ear feel free to message - kindest regards Belle x

Massive massive hugs


agter just getting my colposcopy results (3 weeks) I can sympathise with you completely on the scared level when waiting. my results wewent terrible but weren’t good either. My biopsy showed cancer, but very very small like a Pinhead. And all around the edge of biopsy was CIN 3 cells...so I’ve got to have repeat LLETZ in 3weeks (6 week healing after first lot) I’m hoping with my history they rush my results through before Xmas otherwise I would be waiting til new year for any results :/ 


please please try and stay calm, easier said than done I know, but there is nothing you can do to change the result. If it is bad news they will rush u in sooner, so in these cases no news is good news as such xxxx

Bless you

Don't be ashamed about feeling scared, it's perfectly normal!

When I found out I needed to have a colposcopy I literally felt every single pain and twinge down there for days. I became so aware of it! 

I had to wait 6 weeks for my results too. I had good days and bad days. But the bad days were only at the start and the waiting got a lot easier. Take each day as it comes and if you do find yourself feeling a bit down, watch a funny program or focus on something that will make you happy and cheer you up a bit.

Don't fret about not telling people either. Don't be afraid to tell people because you don't want to burden them but, at the same time, only tell people if you are comfortable with it. It's your body :)

Hope you feel better soon!

Thank you and I wish you every single best wish possible for a speedy recovery! 

I have a history of ovarian cysts as well and I have been having these nagging pains and spotting since shortly before the dreaded smear which is why I thought I ought to go, now it just seems to be all the time, and it’s a constant reminder of the results I am waiting for, I know something isn’t right as pain and bleeding  is certainly not normal, knowing I have the high risk HPV is fuelling anxiety and I think more than anything the thought of having to go back and have further checks or tests just horrifies me - I think I’m more afraid of that than cancer. It will be 3 weeks on Tuesday. 

Belle x