Can't sleep

So.... Im 28 and had my first smear on the 15/5, came home this lunch to a letter saying I have severe dyskaryosis...

spoke to doctor and my appointment for colonoscopy should arrive in a week,

never expected this...

dont really know what to do... Just scared, can't stop piecing things together now, pain during sex, very heavy irregular periods.


just want it to go away :(

Hi me23,

I'm sorry you've had this news - I have too recently, and it's damn scary! I had my colposcopy last week and a Lletz under GA yesterday. There aren't any answers at this point, but all I can share are the things that have helped me get through it:

  • You're in the system now and the smear has done its job, and they do these procedures to prevent cc developing
  • Severe dyskariosis (CIN3) is not necessarily cancer, but cells that may become cancerous if not treated
  • If it is cancer, cc has a high recovery rate

Other than that, you're either a talker or a doer. I can't talk about it because it's just so scary and I'm really paranoid, so I know how you feel. Reading posts on here helps because you can see that though you feel it, you're not alone. I cope best when at work because I haven't told anyone other than my manager because of taking time off, and I can just get on with things and not think about it. I've planted loads of seedlings in my garden recently, and I spend a lot of time walking my dog too! If you're a talker, confide in friends and they will help you. Also, ask your consultant everything you need to know - mine is very efficient and not that bothered about talking, but he will when pressed.

Hope it all goes ok, hon - do you know when your colposcopy will be? Feel free to write back - I'm a few steps ahead of you on the same journey and happy to help if I can xxx

Hi Mrs W, thank you so much, got my letter to say severe dyskaryosis on Tuesday and my app for colposcopy today, it's in 17 days. 

Reading your response helped, I'm just a panicker, I've told my partner, can't tell my mum as she is one step ahead, had her colposcopy and waiting for the results, she's also quite ill so don't want to worry her, I've told my manager for time off at work, no one else knows here which is good, outside 3 friends know, don't really want to talk about it to people though, I know it's common to have abnormalities but when ur not expecting it and get a letter saying severe, abnormalities and cancer in the same sentence all logic goes out the window and I'm now convinced that I have advanced stage cancer and gonna die, I've dreamt about telling my mum and it's so upsetting, :(( please keep talking to me if you can and advice me of how you are getting on, thanks xx

Hello again me23,

You're welcome - not sure much I can say will help as have been very paro recently, but am happy to help if I can.

I know what you mean about not wanting to talk about it - everyone you tell is another time you have to keep going through it all and it's just easier not to do that. Have you looked on this site? There's loads of information that will help you understand it all. The Macmillan Cancer site is good too, and a site I found called - I found on one of many different Google searches with "abnormal smear + CIN3 + cancer?" or whatever. Trust me, I've gone to the bad places in my mind too!

Is your partner being supportive? Also, I know you don't want to upset your mum, but she is you mum and I'm sure she'd want to be there for you. You could be there for her too because, if she's going through the same thing, what's the bet she'll be feeling the same? You'll know what's right - just a thought.

The thing I'm hanging onto, and you should too, is that it is unlikely at this point that you have cervical cancer. But, if you do, this will be an early catch and cc has a really high recovery rate. Lots of the ladies posting on here put the stages of their processes at the bottom of their posts and if you take a look at a few, you'll see there are lots of twists and turns in their journeys from getting the first letter.

I know, however, that that letter is flippin' terrifying - the days after that and booking my colposcopy were terrifying. It'd be nice if they could find another way of saying "severe dyskaryosis", wouldn't it?! I guess they have to strike a balance between telling you and making sure you don't think it's nothing and just ignore it.

At this point, just keep thinking that everything that happens from now on is a good thing because they're onto it - thank God you had that smear. You might find that whatever you have can be treated at your first colposcopy: it is for most women. If the transformation area is large, like mine is, you'll have the treatment under GA, which is what I had yesterday. I'm waiting for the biopsy results from that now. The first one came back clear but this one might show up cells that have developed into cancer, or it might not.

You just have to try and put the fears and the questions in a box at the back of your mind and get through the next 2 weeks (if they don't put you back yet another like they did with me!). I'm not coping brilliantly, but I promise you that we are both better off now than we were before the abnormal smears - that's what I keep holding on to, anyway!

My husband has been a rock, and my mum has too - I didn't want to tell her because I think she's worried enough about me over the years, but I'm glad I did. Do you think you might speak to your momma? It might help you both?

Let me know how you're getting on, hon xxxxxxxx

HI Mrs W,

Don’t you just love technology!! – wrote it out and then lost it!!

I know im not as far as you in this but I am here if you need to sound off too! It’s good to talk to someone.

Im really liking this website, all websites I go on are telling me not to worry but this one people are on who have been there and are saying they have worried, making me less pirrahnary!!

My partner is being supportive, she doesn’t really get it though, she says if it was her she wouldn’t be bothered, ive explained this makes me feel like she is saying im weak and she has said she understands that and she didn’t mean it like that. She took time off work to take me to hospital.

The reason im not talking to friends is that I have told 3…… and everyone has said, oh my friend had that its nothing, don’t even worry…. Erm…. Until you get that letter and are me.. DON’T tell me how to feel!!

My Mummy (yes that’s right I call her mummy - LOL) got her results and it’s all clear, I will tell her but after Colposcopy, she’s happy at the moment and I don’t want to spoil that.

Me xx