Hi All,

So July 2019 I had LLETZ after smear results showed high grade dyskaryosis and CIN3 was confirmed. I had my 6 monthly smear test about 7 weeks ago now and have had a letter to say I have tested HPV positive and also borderline changes to some of the cells in my cervix have been found. A colposcopy appointment has been made for a few weeks time in March. I am really scared about this, and have so many questions whizzing around my head, did they not remove all of the cells, have these borderline changes happened in the space of 6 months and if so why etc. The main reason I am so scared is that in January 2018 I had beautiful identical twin boys via csection, ever since I have had the boys (could just be coincidence) I have had the most painful sex, to the point I cannot carry on and cry because I feel ashamed. I had previously been to the doctors (before original abnormal smear) and he told me it was all in my head and I needed counselling, gave me a telephone number to call and that was it. I knew this wasn't the case, I have always been sensitive down below when having smears etc but never been in pain. Obviously since this appointment and my abnormal smear results I have gone back to the doctors today and seen a lovely female Dr, I couldn't even have the smaller speculum go in without me being in a lot of pain but she managed to take some swabs to test for infection. Smears are awful, and the colposcopy and LLETZ I last had I needed to go under GA because I found it so painful. I'm now so worried this could be cancer, I know this is not normal and I have a few other symptoms but I'm so scared they missed something last time and they will miss something again. I want to be intimate with my partner and I just cannot do it, I am only 32. Does or has anyone experienced similar? I've probably waffled on far too much but I just don't know where else to turn.

Kirstie x


Hi Kirstie,

I found the colposcopy really uncomfortable and had lletz under ga too. It sounds like it was hard to get to the point of referral to the gynaecologist and now you have it should be easier. Why doctors don't listen is beyond me!
You had treatment really recently, and I doubt they would have let you go without being satisfied that you would be ok. Try to stay calm. It will be ok, and you are back with the experts again.  Keep talking on here. There are amazing ladies who can offer an ear for rants, and experience to help keep perspective.  
big hugs. Xx

Thank you so much for the reply rufus, although my colposcopy has now been cancelled due to coronavirus! I'm so worried that this cancellation will jepordise my health but I do understand the doctors and nurses are needed elsewhere. Hopefully it gets rescheduled sooner rather than later x

Hang on in there, KirstyLou87.  
The waiting feels like an age, but it will be worth it.  Did they give you reassurance that you would be rescheduled asap?  
let us know when you get an appointment, or if you need to just talk again. 
Sending hugs 



They said they wouldn't leave me any longer than 2 months. I'm just so scared as I only had CIN3 removed in July and from then until now I have developed more abnormal cells and it worries me, really worries me. Hopefully I get a new appointment through soon, I hope you are keeping well Rufus I can see you had or were due an MRI on the 21/03, i hope you get the results soon x

I can definitely feel for you here. Having just had lletz, I can imagine it stays with you for a while!  Looking after twin babies is full on as well so the last thing you need is to be driving yourself mad with worry over this.

If you look at the positives, borderline changes can be left with a wait and see approach, sometimes you body clears them on its own. If you are waiting another couple of months, that is your 'wait and see' period done. Making an effort to eat healthily could help boost you immune system so is an active 'doing something' (I'm making an effort to cut out sugar).

I found that the gynaecologist team were brilliant and listened to everything I told them. Absolutely no 'it's all in your head' approach. I wonder if you have a phone number for the gynaecologist dept. I spoke to a nurse earlier in the week (from my unit) and it really helped me calm.   

Hang in there and try and enjoy your babies. The rest will get sorted out (and it could be more simple than you are imagining).  

Big hugs. Xx