Abnormal results after LLETZ

Hi All,

So July 2019 I had LLETZ after smear results showed high grade dyskaryosis and CIN3 was confirmed. I had my 6 monthly smear test about 7 weeks ago now and have had a letter to say I have tested HPV positive and also borderline changes to some of the cells in my cervix have been found. A colposcopy appointment has been made for a few weeks time in March. I am really scared about this, and have so many questions whizzing around my head, did they not remove all of the cells, have these borderline changes happened in the space of 6 months and if so why etc. The main reason I am so scared is that in January 2018 I had beautiful identical twin boys via csection, ever since I have had the boys (could just be coincidence) I have had the most painful sex, to the point I cannot carry on and cry because I feel ashamed. I had previously been to the doctors (before original abnormal smear) and he told me it was all in my head and I needed counselling, gave me a telephone number to call and that was it. I knew this wasn't the case, I have always been sensitive down below when having smears etc but never been in pain. Obviously since this appointment and my abnormal smear results I have gone back to the doctors today and seen a lovely female Dr, I couldn't even have the smaller speculum go in without me being in a lot of pain but she managed to take some swabs to test for infection. Smears are awful, and the colposcopy and LLETZ I last had I needed to go under GA because I found it so painful. I'm now so worried this could be cancer, I know this is not normal and I have a few other symptoms but I'm so scared they missed something last time and they will miss something again. I want to be intimate with my partner and I just cannot do it, I am only 32. Does or has anyone experienced similar? I've probably waffled on far too much but I just don't know where else to turn.

Kirstie x