3rd colposcopy second leep

Hey ladies
Looking for some help advice and support I feel like I have cervical anxiety and trauma so don’t know how to keep getting through all this
2021 abnormal pap referred for colposcopy
Result was Cin 3 with HPV 16 and I was referred to do a leep procedure within 6 weeks
Early 2022
My leep procedure was awful I was under general anestetic so that’s the only good part I was very slow to recover heavy bleeding large clots and pain I then got covid for the first time 1 week after my leep then I got an infection week 3 and was given strong antibiotics the antibiotics gave me a bug called Cdiff basically causing sever diarrhoea nausea and cramping over all it took almost 3 months to feel ok again after my leep.
My leep results confirmed Cin 3 with hpv16 and the margins were not clear no one told me what that meant so I thought at my 6 month check up I would be all ok. I had to fight our healthcare system here to get my follow up then I had the second pap which came back again abnormal with cin I had a second colposcopy confirming cin3 and hpv the colposcopy this time was so painful I almost passed out they took 4 biopsies and I was bleeding and cramping for around a week.
The result again was cin3 with hpv 16 and they wanted to do a second leep
This time I delayed it around 3 months somewhat from fear of how bad my first one went and also I wanted to try get healthy to clear the hpv16 I did have my second Leep in 2023 my results were cin 3 and cin 1 and hpv16 with clear margins this time yay. I did recover overall better and quicker but I now bleed at least every second time I have sex and get horrible cervix pain regularly I’ve never felt the same as in normal I felt like something was wrong but no one would listen the nurse at gynae kept telling me your fine you are slow to heal but your margins are Clear they refused to see me I had a follow up Pap in March of this year this time I felt optimistic and just couldn’t wait to get the all clear. My pap came back again with cin3 and hpv 16 I feel just completely shattered
How the heck can I have clear margins and back to cin3 again within 7 months ???
I do have an autoimmune disease which may explain why my body can’t clear and fight the hpv but I’m literally a broken person right now. I’m again having to go in for another colposcopy 3 in 3 years and will obviously need further treatment
After my first leep my cervix never regenerated and my pap taker nurse this year said I have very little cervix left bearing in mind leep 2 they took almost 2cm so how do I have this again
I got my appointment to see the specialist May 30th an incredibly long wait with this level of fear and anxiety
I spoke to them today to ask about sedation or pain relief to do this 3rd colposcopy because I have so much trauma from all of this and so much pain I can’t bear the thought of it
In nz they offer no medication but can inject numbing to the cervix Before they begin :cry: it’s a joke when your already in pain to have more biopsies and no pain relief
Any way here I am waiting waiting to go through it all again my gynae last time told me due to my autoimmune disease and the fact we have uterine cancer run in our family they may have to do a radical hysterectomy I don’t know what’s worse continuing on with another leep when I have no cervix really left or taking it all out
I have older teen children and my tubes tied I’m 36 and can’t/don’t want more kids and what option should I go with or is there any other option ???
The nurses at our hospital were not very nice last time when I delayed the second leep I was told it’s selfish to risk getting cervical cancer and that my chances are very high if I refuse but on the other side all the information I find says it can take 10+ years to develop into cancer?? Do I have time to think or do I need to decide?
I was also told I was the in the 4% of people with clear margins that ever get cin again but reading all these posts it seems more common that not ?
Also does anyone know can you go from cin3 to cancer within a year do I need to be so so worried
Sorry for my long post if you got this far please respond I would appreciate any advice or support