I don’t know where to start really. I feel like my world has just imploded.
So, last september I had my smear following the birth of my son (now 18 months old). The results of that came back HPV positive. This sent me into turmoil but I was told not to worry as I’d be checked in a year and it would most likely have cleared up on it’s own.
I had my smear test done again this september and, after not receiving any results I messaged my surgery who text me the results…HPV positive with borderline cells changes and a message to say that a colposcopy would be arranged. I’m absolutely terrified. I have PTSD following an awful procedure during my pregnancy that I withdrew consent for but they went ahead and carried on anyways, and this has made me terrifed of all things medical/hospital/doctor related.
Even at my smear test I had a massive panic attack and was a sobbing mess. Made a right fool of myself.
I don’t know what to do. The thought of having a colposcopy, let alone any treatment involving cutting, burning, lasering etc, is making me not want to be here anymore…but of course I do want to be here for my son and I know it’s just sheer fear that is making me have these awful thoughts.
I’ve looked at some of the other posts on here and it looks as though it’s very much pot luck what kind of nurse or doctor you have. I’m terrifed of male doctors especially due to past trauma so I would need a female member of staff but it doesn’t look like I can request this. Also, does anyone know if I can be sedated or have gas and air so I’m at least ‘out of it’ a little bit so I don’t have to experience it mentally?
Plus there’s the whole embarrassment side of it. Not only having a doctor staring and poking around in there for the procedure, but that added embarassment of basically having an STI and being judged as ‘dirty’ or someone who has slept about…which brings me to my next worry - where the hell did this come from? I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 and married 5 years. I’ve only ever had any kind of sexual contact with him. So either I’ve had this for the last 14 years which could mean I’ll never fight it off ans therefore will end up with CC, or he’s been unfaithful.
Finally, is it common for cells to be clear and then within 12 months they’re showing as borderline? Does this mean I have an aggressive form? And what does this mean for future pregnancies? We wanted to start trying for another baby in the new year but does this mean it’s now out of the question?
So many questions and no answers. My mind is reeling and I can’t see my doctor until 31st October
Please help xx
Hello Roses92. Sorry you find yourself in this position but really no need to panic you have cell changes that most probably will go back to normal without treatment but if you do treatment is actually very effective and painless, I am not going to say is fun because it really isn’t but is not as bad as it sounds and the thing they are trying to stop from happening is very important that it gets stopped as treatment for that is,from what I been reading from lady’s in this forum, difficult .
A doctor won’t judge you for having HPV everyone gets it at some point in their life but some unlucky women like us find it harder to get rid of it there is no shame on having HPV and if anyone judges you for it is just showing their absolute ignorance on the subject matter.
Lots of women have healthy babies after Lletz treatment so yes is definitely possible sometimes they will just need to keep a closer eye .
Yes you can ask for sedation let them know about your anxiety and I am sure they will consider it, I didn’t have sedation for treatment only local anesthetic and didn’t have any pain at all .
Please don’t overthink is the worst part of this whole thing, treatment or just a Colposcopy is really nothing to worry about.
Take care and let me know how you get on.
Thanks so much for your kind and reassuring words. It’s just so much to get my head around right now.
How effective is treatment? I don’t want to have to be going through this every year…I’ll end up in a padded cell for sure. I’m already going out of my mind about having it once, let alone multiple times if it comes to it.
Was the local anaesthetic not painful when it went in? I remember it stinging like crazy when I had it before my stitches after giving birth.
Thank you - will do. Currently waiting on my appointment letter.
Take care too. I hope your journey through this horrid disease goes well xx
Hello Roses92. No the anesthetic was not painful for me I was actually trying to think of something else and just put my trust in the doctor I believe that helps .treatment doesn’t last very long around 20 minutes and is effective 9 out of 10 times. If is not effective normally you can repeat treatment .
Stop thinking the worst is really not worth it, overthinking is not your friend.
Maybe read some of the information from Jostrust and don’t Google information is very useless to read about worse case scenario.
As long as you go to all your appointments you will be good as treatment before it turns into something worse is available and effective so just focus on this. Take care
I would echo the useful advice you’ve been given by @Hop1. There is really no need to panic. You have high risk hpv, not an “aggressive form” of anything. It can cause cell changes but may not.
Having hpv doesn’t mean you would necessarily EVER even have abnormal cells, far less cervical cancer. Most people carry hpv and don’t have any issues with it. You won’t ever know when you caught the virus, so no point in fixating on that, but it seems likely you caught it from your husband if you have never had any sexual contact with another person. You are more likely to have had it for a long time than him being unfaithful.
You would be monitored and not treated for borderline changes, and this doesn’t stop you trying for a baby. Even women who have had the LLETZ treatment can still have babies. x
Please try not to worry, although I know easier said than done.
HPV is like a cold virus and some people can clear it on their own and some can’t unfortunately.
When attending your appointment, let them know how anxious you feel and they’ll do everything they can to make you feel comfortable.
I had a colposcopy today due to abnormal results and a biopsy was taken, the team explained to me exactly what they were doing and a nurse was present besides me the whole time.
I hope your appointment goes okay. x
I had a smear done in July and 8 weeks later got a letter saying I had high risk HPV and mild cell changes. I was told I’d be called for a colposcopy within 8 weeks. Yesterday I got a letter telling me the wait in the Glasgow area is now 44 weeks!! I’m at my wits end…
I’m considering going private, does anyone know costs?
Hi Holly… I’m going private, my appointment is this Tuesday. They told me it will be £500.00 for the consultation, colposcopy and biopsy. I asked if I needed more more treatment would I be able to go back to the NHS as I probably can’t afford to pay for more treatment. Just want Tuesday to come so I know what’s what, really scared😩
Thanks for your response.
I’ve been quoted £150-£250 for consultation and £1650 approx for colposcopy! It’s ridiculous but like you I’m going for the consultation on the 27th to see what’s what. I couldn’t wait and worry for 44 weeks. I hope you get on ok and get some good news x
Hi Holly, was a waste of time. He can’t perform colposcopy at that private hospital so I paid consultation for nothing. I’ve rang some more up who do the colposcopy and have been quoted the same as you. I would still do this but they both said I still have to have a consultant first, then they will give a date when they can do the colposcopy. But they both said it will be a later date than my NHS appointment😩 so there’s no point in paying for a consultation again if they can’t get me in before 7th November. Just make sure you will get the actual colposcopy done before your NHS appointment before you pay out for a consultation. I’m so worried, I can’t sleep or eat, as will you be. Please keep in touch xx
Just remember you have to wait 44 weeks, which is outrageous. You will get in private in at least 4 weeks for the colposcopy I’m sure😘
Thanks for your update.
I know how you’re feeling but try not to worry too much as it won’t change anything. I’m trying to stay positive and praying that everything will be ok…. It’s very difficult!!
I’m seeing the consultant on the 27th so I’ll keep you posted.
I’ve spoken to a few people who have had similar experiences and all was well. Let’s hold on to that thought together!
Hi Holly… I had my colposcopy yesterday and the consultant said there were no cell changes and cervix looked ok. I was so relieved but also still concerned as she said even though I have high risk Hpv I go back to normal screening, which for my age is 5 years. This just doesn’t seem right when I still have Hpv. As anyone else been told this when still have Hpv, I thought I would get tested yearly😩 Is it the the 27th Nov you go Holly? xx