so today I've just got home from my colposcopy and biopsy and for some reason I'm utterly overcome with emotion.
This isn't the first time I've been here, back in 2012 I had abnormal smear, followed by 3 colposcopy and biopsies as the results kept coming back as inconclusive, i paid for a private HPV test which came back clear, followed by 2 clear smear tests.
I hadn't intentionally been putting my smear off, I just assumed everything would still be ok (or maybe the fear that it wouldn't prevented me from attending I don't know) during the smear I bled a lot, so I had a sinking feeling it was back to the women's unit for me. The results came and it said mild abnormalities but now high risk hpv. After a day of feeling sorry for myself I've not really thought about it.
Today was colposcopy day and the nurse said the area looks small that's abnormal and took a biopsy but said my body should fight this again like it did last time.... so I've no idea why I'm feeling like I just want to go to bed and shut the world away. Has anybody else felt overly emotional after? i don't really know how to explain it... I'm normally such a tough cookie.
I don't think it helped that my particular women's unit is a shared reception with new excited expectant mothers and their partners... I was alone and the only person waiting for a colposcopy so i dont think that helped matters for a single 31 year old who owns a cat and has watched too much bridget jones in her life!