I’m off to my first appointment with the gyno oncologist tomorrow and hopefully she’ll be talking about tests and 's treatment. My regular OB-GYN diagnosed stage 1B after a cone biopsy and D&C. (Actually, “hopefully” she’ll say it’s all been a terrible mistake and that I am totally fine, but I’m not holding my breath. Well I am holding my breath, but you know what I mean.)
So here’s the question: I’ve told my husband, youngest son and sister, but should I tell my friends? . I’ve sort of told my eldest son - he’s in the UK at the moment doing a semester abroad (Ha! given I’m English) - but I didn’t actually use the C word. Since I was given the diagnosis last Thursday, I haven’t told any friends or my mum. I don’t want to worry my mum - she’s 82, lives alone in the UK where my dad is in a care home with Alzheimers. There’s nothing she can do - she doesn’t fly, so would never come over here to the States to visit. She’ll only worry.
I know that my close friends will be supportive and that I will need the support, it’s just that once they know, everyone will know. I don’t want to be the subject of everyone’s conversation and, I know this is stupid, but I hate being the object of pity. I also don’t want to rehash how I’m doing/feeling etc every time I run into someone at the grocery store. At the moment, it’s because I’m scared I’ll break down and cry- who knows how I’ll feel later.
What has everyone else done?
This forum is a life-saver. Women are amazing.
Hey
i told every one. Publicly on Facebook as well. The messages of support and love have kept me going. I read them when I was down and they really did pick me up.
its your decision who you tell. It won't change anything but can make it easier xx
Thanks for your feedback. I've read your posts and you are bloody inspiring! I noticed that you had been very open and I'm glad you are doing so well.
I'm going to see what the doctor says tomorrow about diagnosis and treatment. I do think that support can be so crucial. I just want some well-meaning person saying something doom and gloom to my boys.
xx
Hi Teresa :-)
In my experience, once the information is out there you have little control over it. If you have an elderly mother a very long way away from you I would tend to adopt a damage limitation exercise and tell her only what you know once it is concrete. So when you get to the stage of being able to say; This is the diagnosis (fact), this will be the treatment (fact) and this is the prognosis (fact) it's a lot easier to deal with. If you have frightened relatives a long way away asking all sorts of questions for which you do not have the answers then the whole hysteria circus takes flight and it can be difficult to bring it back down.
Loads easier if you are young and surrounded by friends close-by, but more difficult when you're a bit older and your mum is getting a bit frail.
Be lucky :-)
Tivoli
Thanks Tivoli. I appreciate your comments. I read your Big Fat Greek Hysterectomy and laughed out loud. You are bloody resilient and I'm so glad to see you doing so well.
Letting the cat out of the bag is exactly right. I'm going to see what the doctor says tomorrow - sick with worry - and take it from there. If I'm going to be making endless trips to the doctor for chemo and/or radio then I'll probably come out of the closet. It'll be too difficult to keep it a secret and I don't want my boys/husband to have to lie for me. I'm not going to tell my mum unless I absolutely have to.
I feel like I'm the oldest person on this site! I don't know whether it's because it's usually a young woman's disease or whether women over 50 aren't in online forums.
xx
Hi.
I've kept mine mostly under wraps. I've not wanted to talk about it to anyone except the lovely ladies on here. I've not wanted my 2 boys (age 15 and 8) to know because I have not answers to what I perceived their questions to be. My daughter knows and my famile and my husbands family but only because they had to know. My colleagues know but not the full extent and 2 of my closest friends.
I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want to believe it myself (still dont ), I also don't want to discuss it, listen to peoples advice, have sympathy or answer questions. I'm a bit weird like that.
I feel I've reaped the benefits recently when I've been back playing rounders and no one on my team knows. So for a few hours I'm just me, I've not had cancer and I'm still the same person I always was. Whereas tonight my mother in law is here and keeps telling me how well I look, how I must be getting better, how I've handled it well blah blah blah. I know she means we'll but I just want to forget about it.
You just have to do what feels right for you x
Ha Ha Ha! Philleepa! That's exactly it!
"But you look so WELL!" All the time, it gets wearing. Did I look sick before diagnosis? No I did not. But people expect you to look somehow alien with/during/before/after cancer so this phrase gets picked up off the shelf of unwanted phrases like some crappy card at Clintons.
Laugh all the way :-)
So how old are you Teresa? I'm 55 and I'm not the oldest here :-)
Hello Teresa, sorry that you have to find yourself in this forum but its a great place for support and first hand info as you may have already known. The ladies here have been wonderful and helped me get through during the darker days ;)
Interestingly, when I was diagnosed I was on here talking to the ladies even before I told my family. Like you, I was trying to decide if I should share the terrible news with everyone. Im a private person who is more comfortable dealing with the problem on my own like its a puzzle I need to solve without the added stress of having to answer to others while Im dealing with it. I guess it really depends on what will make you feel better. I only told my family and closest friends- and specifically told them I meant to keep it private and for everyone to be more objective with me but life goes on as usual.
During the time I was waiting for diagnosis and treatment plan, I did not go to social media. Instead I prayed, meditated, talked to the ladies here and read a lot of books, watched the films I missed, spent more time with family. And I guess that worked for me, but then again that's just me. I just felt that dont owe it to everyone for them to be in the know of what's happening except for the ones that really matter.
Again, do whatever makes you feel comfortable, dont think too much about what others will think. Focus on getting well and getting though the coming days. Keep a positive attitude and believe that this is very treatable/curable! I know that the first week or 2 is difficult and it's ok to be sad and to cry but once you've passed that point, things will get better everyday.
Wish you all the best and sending you lots of hugs. xxx
Izzy
