how to tell people ..

so my news is finally sinking in and i've started telling people that i have cancer... but i'm finding it so hard (naturally) tears, shaky voice, numbness

does anyone have any tips/advice on how they did this

Hello,

I'm really sorry to read you've been diagnosed with CC. You're right that it's really difficult to tell people when you probably haven't taken it onboard yourself properly. I phoned a few people, and asked them to tell others. I think i was still in shock at the time so just went through it in a weird state.

The macmilllan site have a really good page on how to tell people when you are first diagnosed so i hope it helos you toohttp://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Livingwithandaftercancer/Relationshipscommunication/Talkingaboutyourcancer/Talkingaboutyourcancer.aspx

I read your other post re staging. Mine changed a couple of times, first after lletz and finally after the hysterectomy it was downgraded. Sometimes it can take a little while for them to get the full picture. I ended up being 1B too.

Best of luck with your MRI and let us know how you are getting on.

xx

Jo

thanks for the link, i find myself even when talking to the doctors surgery today.  (all this diagnosis has been through private health care) but know i will need a doctors note.  As i cannot face work at the moment and would be a wreck.

x

Jo

thanks for the link, i find myself even when talking to the doctors surgery today.  (all this diagnosis has been through private health care) but know i will need a doctors note.  As i cannot face work at the moment and would be a wreck.

x

Hi,

Everyone is different, but I found that I wanted to tell people. Saying it out loud kind of made it real to me (or maybe I'm an attention-seeking drama queen). The worst was telling my Mum, but after that I found it much easier to tell people, not least because I really wanted to encourage people to get their tests done if they had been putting it off.

I actually sent an email around at work to tell people because I didn't want people to think it was a secret or not know if they could talk to me about it. My colleagues were very understanding and supportive and kept in touch through the whole thing and that did make it easier when I returned to work after treatment.

I also set up a closed group on Facebook which was only visible to specific close friends and family. I could post bulletins on there saying how I was getting on and their words of support and encouragement were a great comfort. Also when, for example, I was bored and wanted a visitor or needed a precription picking up, I could just post something up and see if anyone could help out. Which they did, bless em.

Letting people in and giving them the chance to support me was right for me. If the situtaion was reversed I'd hope that my friends and family would let me do the same for them and I'd be sad if they felt they had to struggle on alone. You may be different, but I think getting your support network in place is a positive thing you can do when you've recently been diagnosed.

Best of luck x

Thanks Rose

i feel like i'm in limbo at the moment, i had my MRI on wednesday but am not seeing my consultant until next Thursday.  if anything i'm almost in denial with this isn't happening to me.

it was my daughters first communion yesterday and we had a family get to gether (i didn't feel this was the setting to announce my condition!) and it showed that life goes on and you its nice have to have some sort of normality about it all.

i like the idea of the FB group i will set one of those up as i feel it will start to get old repeating what is the latest.  And i agree about letting people into help.  i went to a Cancer support centre on friday and they were wonderful especially the lady i saw who will be my advocate, she also said not to let pride get in the way when people offer help.  My partner had stated that he felt it should be him or close family looking after me, i pointed out that this was very unreasonable as he works away in the week! but when i mentioned what the advocate had said he recognized that it was his pride.

Also with the summer holidays coming up we had 2 trips planned, and i haven't cancelled them yet, i've enquired as to what cancellation policys are but until i know what will be happening to my body and its actually been said with dates i just don't feel up to having that conversation either.

pat

x

It's a horrible situation and difficult to know what to do. Once you've seen the consultant and know your treatment plan it will seem more real. It's funny, it all happens very quickly yet it seems like it's all happenning in slow motion and the waiting stretches out for ever.

I think getting in holidays and outings and doing things with your family before your operation is a good thing to do if you can manage it. When you are recovering from treatment and not able to do so much for a while, you'll be glad that you made the most of the early summer.

You're doing ok Pat - you'll get through this xxx

Pat

I told my mum and my sister and then they told my other relatives.  Other friends were sent a text (apart from very close friends) and my work colleagues all received an email from my manager.  I was a wreck so there was no hiding it and I found it easier and reassuring for people to know and I was far too upset to actually tell them myself.

On the whole everyone was great however they heard.  While texts, emails etc are impersonal I felt that it helped other people to come to terms with the news and approach me when they felt ready.  After all, it was a shock to them too.

While I had a couple of friends who did not deal with the news well and were incredibly thoughtless, the majority were incredibly caring and supportive.  I will never forget those who provided me so much love and support during such a difficult time - both old and new friends sometimes in surprising places.

Everyone deals with things in different ways - I felt the need to share and got an amazing support network.  But others prefer to deal with things more privately.  Do things in your own way when the time is right :o)

Best wishes

Kirsty x