Hi I am so terrified and wonder if anyone can help me. I am so confused, I got smear test results back confirming cin3 and was told that the lab were worried that it could already be progressing to micro-invasive cancer. Does this mean that they have reason to actually suspect this? I have been offered cold coagulation or lletz. I do not want either and don't understand the differences and which is worse. I have been trying to get rid of this for fifteen months with diet and herbs and don't know how long to keep trying this for. The problem is my anxiety levels are so high. I have never been so terrified in my life as I am if this operation. They said they would put me out for the lletz but I am terrified of the bleeding afterwards, I feel like I would lose my mind with how disgusting it is and lose all of my self esteem for good and never get my confidence back; I am single and know from the awful things I have read that I would never dare to try sex again if I had to have this done. I feel like I will be terrified and alone for the rest of my life. I really need to know about the micro-invasion issue as I want to avoid getting this lletz if I possibly can as I would not be able to cope mentally or physically and fear it would tip me over the edge.
Hun I am so sorry you are feeling this way,.... I dont think I can answer all your questions, but wanted to offer you some support. Could you request a consultation with a member of your medical team (nurse or Dr?) im sure they could help you with some of your queries.... It's really hard to advise you what to do, as its your body n you have to live with it afterwards but maybe by talking with the professionals you could make an informed choice that's right for you? X x x
Thank you so much Helen for that advice. Yes I should do that. How was your treatment? Did it go ok? Xx
If you go and have a LLETZ done NOW you are more likely to have a worthwhile sex life in future than if you continue to faff about with herbs while this becomes cancer and you have to have a hysterectomy. I am sorry to be harsh, but there is no point trying to hide the truth from you. 15 months of mucking about with herbal remedies is putting your life in danger. See a doctor, get treated, thousands of us here have lived to tell the tale and most are still having sex.
If you are hell-bent on alternative remedies then perhaps you might like to consider hypnosis to help you deal with the anxiety/terror/self-esteem issues. Failing that, you could just get some counselling.
Be lucky
Tivoli
For me personally I found the colposcopy a little uncomfortable but not painfull n the nurses were really friendly n talked me through the whole thing....
For the the lletz I was put to sleep..... I woke up and had no pain or bleeding for a few days.... n went back to work.... I then did have heavy bleeding but the Dr had warned me about this.... It was like a really bad period and I did have some stomach cramps.... But found the usual things helped (paracetamol, rest, hot water bottle).....this has now nearly stopped and I am managing with just a little panty liner (sorry if that's tmi)...
as as for the sex..... Well I am married to a very understanding man!!! I was told no sex after colposcopy for 4 weeks.... So we had plenty of cuddles.... N I had my LLetz just after 4 weeks.... n was told no sex for 6 weeks after (this isn't up yet)... So to be perfectly honest we haven't tried!! I am nervous about trying for sex after so long n all the treatment... But we are talking about it and are joking that I am now a born again virgin N he gets to pop my new cherry...... x
Thank you Tivoli yes I think hypnosis might be something to think about. I am having counselling already which is a great help, but I feel like if I had the op I would be back to square one, back on anti-depressants and with all my remaining scrap of self-esteem cut away for good. I know it sounds dramatic, but that is just how it feels to me. I wish I could be more rational. Thank you HeLen for sharing your experience. I am glad that it went well for you; it has reassured me that it may not be as bad as I thought. It is the heavy bleeding which really worries me. If I could use tampons, I would not really have too much of a problem with it. I never don't use tampons, and to experience all that blood coming out of me, I think I would be beside myself with crying and I fear it would make me physically sick; I don't want to be endlessly crying and throwing up for days on end. I am terrified of having no control over my body and it being like some kind of monster to me. I hate being out of control. I thought of getting the pill to stop any period coming, but then I read that you can't do that as it could make more problems. I feel like some unsympathetic doctor can just cut me up like a slab if meat on a table, and leave me a bleeding wreck and they don't understand why this is so distressing. I think all of the women in here must be stronger than I am. Obviously it is a worry for everyone, but some people deal with it better than others. Thank you for your messages. It has helped me to receive them as I feel like my life is falling apart and I have no control over anything. I wish I had an understanding husband like yours. I wouldn't be able to trust sex if I do this op as there is a risk of bleeding. It would be a very horrible feeling to realise that ur not sexy any more. I think most men would be out the door as soon as that happened. I would be horrified, so I'm sure they would be! Not all men are like this though.some though.
it sounds like you are really scared at this moment.... I really would like to encourage you to go and talk to your medical team. I can completely understand your fears. I really hated the thought of no tampons, and no swimming or baths for what seemed an age. But for me what helped was weighing that up against far more invasive treatments and the thought of having to fight the big c knowing I could of done something to prevent it. I know you are scared (and I was too) but find that inner strength and go do this.
I know u can do this, n there are people who can hold your hand along the way. x x x
Any man that's out the door under these circumstances is not worth having! A man who sees you only as a sex object doesn't deserve your time. Some men are that shallow, it's true, but give them a very wide berth!!
Kxx
Hi,
I'm sorry you feel so scared but I agree with Tivoli on this. LLETZ is not major surgery. It is not the best thing for anyone to go through but if it works then that is the main thing. No sex, no tampons and no baths for 4 weeks is a small price to pay to be pre cancerous cell free. You may be able to request to be put under general anesthetic. From my experience I was put to sleep, woke up with nothing more than period pain, and minimal bleeding and back to work 3 days later.
I hope you make the right decision for you. Best of luck.
Michelle
Sorry to hear you are so anxious. I had quite a big Lletz op under local and then another one just over a month later. They did find cancer in the first one v small 4mm which?? might have been microinvasive. So glad I had the Lletz as alternative was hysterectomy which really scared me as a big op (but I would have had it if they had found more cancer in Lletz #2 and I will have one in future if the Cgin comes back.
My bleeding has been ok not really that heavy other than first three days. Then TMI it is a trickle not really blood at all just pinky discharge. You could run your pill packets together to avoid your period coming on whilst you are recovering and having discharge from lletz.
I would rather have a Lletz any day of the week than have my teeth cleaned by the hygienist / have a filling. They even have a nurse to hold your hand.
Sam
Hi
I have to agree with ChandosGirl, the dentist is worse! I had the letz treatment after 2 abnormal smears and a colposcopy, i was awake and it really wasn't that bad afterwards, yes I bled but a really small amount I even got my period 4 days after and it still wasn't that bad, honestly! While I was going through it every second person i spoke to seemed to have had it or known someone who had the letz, lots with kids since and no mention of no sex, you just have to wait for it to heal. Unfortunately they found cancer and I'm booked in for a radical hystertomy on the 25th, I'm devastated but will be happy when it is gone, if they had caught it at your stage and offered letz I would have without a doubt taken it, you are setting yourself up for a far greater operation if you don't. Maybe some hypnotherapy would work as you seen overly anxious for a procedure that has a history of positive outcomes, I hope you make the right decision. Also I was out asleep for the first time last week so the consultant could see if was touching any tissue at the side and again I was nervous but it was really fine, don't remember a thing and was at home watching corrie 4 hours later!
talk you your doctor about your fears please! I promise you if this seems like the best course of treatment for you, you will be relieved once its all over and wonder why you were so worried
tale care
Sarah
Hi
I have to agree with ChandosGirl, the dentist is worse! I had the letz treatment after 2 abnormal smears and a colposcopy, i was awake and it really wasn't that bad afterwards, yes I bled but a really small amount I even got my period 4 days after and it still wasn't that bad, honestly! While I was going through it every second person i spoke to seemed to have had it or known someone who had the letz, lots with kids since and no mention of no sex, you just have to wait for it to heal. Unfortunately they found cancer and I'm booked in for a radical hystertomy on the 25th, I'm devastated but will be happy when it is gone, if they had caught it at your stage and offered letz I would have without a doubt taken it, you are setting yourself up for a far greater operation if you don't. Maybe some hypnotherapy would work as you seen overly anxious for a procedure that has a history of positive outcomes, I hope you make the right decision. Also I was out asleep for the first time last week so the consultant could see if was touching any tissue at the side and again I was nervous but it was really fine, don't remember a thing and was at home watching corrie 4 hours later!
talk you your doctor about your fears please! I promise you if this seems like the best course of treatment for you, you will be relieved once its all over and wonder why you were so worried
tale care
Sarah
Thank you all so much for your replies. Humbling to see how strong you all are, and have gone through much worse in many cases and I send you all so much love. It is reassuring to hear that the bleeding may only last 3 days and that it could be possible to go on the pill to prevent the period coming. Yes I want to avoid anything worse. I don't know how to talk to anyone at the hospital, the doctor i saw was not sympathetic at all and was dismissive of my concerns; if I was able to find the money to go privately it is not an option as the lady I saw is not able to put me out completely; the people at the hospital hate me as I already refused their treatment twice; I guess I have to try to find a way around it; even the thought if talking to them is so bad i think I would not be able to I manage it. I guess I have to find a way that is not terrifying; I don't know what that is yet; I don't think I want to take any chances not getting rid of it conventionally as my body will not respond to healing at all; I'm failing so badly. Good to know that it is not as bad as the dentist! I can tolerate the dentist quite well; not so much the hygienist although I can still just about manage that so maybe things aren't as bad as I think. Thank you all xxxx
Thank you all so much for your replies. Humbling to see how strong you all are, and have gone through much worse in many cases and I send you all so much love. It is reassuring to hear that the bleeding may only last 3 days and that it could be possible to go on the pill to prevent the period coming. Yes I want to avoid anything worse. I don't know how to talk to anyone at the hospital, the doctor i saw was not sympathetic at all and was dismissive of my concerns; if I was able to find the money to go privately it is not an option as the lady I saw is not able to put me out completely; the people at the hospital hate me as I already refused their treatment twice; I guess I have to try to find a way around it; even the thought if talking to them is so bad i think I would not be able to I manage it. I guess I have to find a way that is not terrifying; I don't know what that is yet; I don't think I want to take any chances not getting rid of it conventionally as my body will not respond to healing at all; I'm failing so badly. Good to know that it is not as bad as the dentist! I can tolerate the dentist quite well; not so much the hygienist although I can still just about manage that so maybe things aren't as bad as I think. Thank you all xxxx
Hi again,
Well I'm glad I managed to make you laugh in the other thread, at least now I know that you don't hate me :-)
I can understand that you might think that everybody at the hospital hates you because you have been refusing their treatment, but following the same logic, that should mean that now you are coming round to accepting it they should like you a lot more doesn't it? Anyhow, hospital isn't a popularity contest and doctors treat patients because they are sick, not because they are best friends. I am sorry that your opinion of doctors is that they are unsympathetic. The way I see it is they would not have even considered that as a career if they didn't care. I do understand that they need to maintain a certain amount of personal detachment otherwise the work they do would be far too upsetting for them. Perhaps this is what you are mistaking for unsympathetic?
Do you have a friend at all who can come along with you? Failing that, whereabouts are you based and perhaps one of the lovely women here might be so kind as to come along with you (I'm not making any promises because I am in Greece). You might find that if you call the Jo's Trust phone number the people there might be able to fix you up with a 'buddy'. I can't be certain but there are a lot of women here who have spoken out and who want you to go and get seen to as a matter of extreme urgency. Spending more time sitting around working out 'a way around it' is just wasting more valuable time.
Please. We are all begging you to just go and get seen to. I can't put it any plainer than that.
Be lucky
Tivoli
Hi Lovemydog
They have loads of different shifts at hospitals so you may not see the same team anyway. And if you do, they will not judge you, they just want the best outcome and to see you walk away cancer free. They will be glad to see you being treated and pleased you have taken their advice.
I had my colposcopy and LLETZ on the same day and honestly found the colposcopy bit the longest and worst part. The LLETZ was over in a matter of minutes. I did bleed but it was totally manageable, nothing super heavy or scary. It was just over 6 weeks ago and I am all back to normal and very thankful that my tryst with cervical abnormalities stopped there. I got a text from the NHS asking if I would recommend this service and I totally would! It is literally a life saver.
It seems to me that if you have been having regular smears you have already done half the battle. If you have a nice GP you could speak to them about something for your anxiety, they may be able to prescribe something to help calm your nerves on the day but you will be really shocked that you will not need anything apart from a hand to squeeze on. It is funny to me that we are all so different. I was absolitely petrified about the thought of general anaesthetic and was so glad not to have one, some people prefer it but it is not something to be done lightly. If I were you I would call and ask to speak to your Consultant, tell them you are ready to have the treatment but really anxious and what do they suggest. They will be much more sympathetic than you think. If you are uncomfortable with this, do you have a nice friend/ relative who could help you?
Anyway, within 6 weeks it will be history for you. If one of your little furry pals needed a small op (and it is just a teeny weeny one I promise) I bet you would take them in a shot. Give yourself the same care you would give them.
I know this is not easy, but you owe it to yourself to have this done
x
Just wanted to add something here as somebody who has been, at a few times in my life, a deeply anxious person. Cervical abnormalities are horrendous for anybody. I think the key here is in how you are thinking about it. Your language is the language of somebody with very severe anxiety ("they hate me" - projection! "I'm failing" - personalising!). I get it because I have been there. I think probably many of us have. Anxiety is very common (and so are cervical abnormalities).
I'm quite lucky because my particular brand of health anxiety has always been about seeking out the doctor at every possible opportunity, rather than running from them. But I undertand its hard to contemplate treatment when the thought makes you so desperately anxious. The answer is with your counsellor, I think, who should be helping you with this stuff. If not, find somebody else. Anxiety UK provide very quick referrals to counsellors who specialise in anxiety, like CBT therapists, and they offer it on a sliding scale so you don't have to pay a fortune unless you can afford it.
I don't think anybody posting here considers themselves to be innately any stronger than anybody else. People get through things because they have to and you will too. But you cannot avoid this any longer. You must have your treatment. And I woudn't even worry about the choice between two approaches. Ask the doctor what they think and go with what they say is best. Trust them. And as for them hating you, I suspect the reality is that they see many women every day and they don't go home and think about them at the end of the day. How else could they balance all the different parts of their lives? They probably don't feel anything towards any of us in particular, just a professional responsibility to get you treated properly. And even if you have found one of the few doctors with strong feelings either way, screw them! Their job is to treat you and, fingers crossed, you'll have very little contact with them afterwards. You deserve a long and happy life, and that is totally, totally possible. You just have to access what is already available to you, get through this, and get on with the rest of your life.
I had LLETZ under local. I didn't bleed a lot and, once I'd healed, my partner and I were able to have a totally normal sex life.
Very good luck to you x
PS Just wanted to add that I wonder if focusing on alternative therapies is adding to your feeling of personal responsibility and failure about this. The reality is that it's just crap luck that you're in this position. Some of us could try and try and not get better. Some of us could try nothing at all and find our cells go back to normal on their own. It might feel quite nice to stop trying and just let the doctors take care of you? Good luck x
Thank you all so much for your comments. I have a couple of friends and also my mum who have all offered to come with me. Am still thinking about what to do next. The success rate for what I have been attempting is very high; the question is, Will it eventually work with me? The catch-22 is, the fear is from having to have the op if it doesn't work, but for it to work, I have to be less anxious, as my fear is stopping my immune system from working as well as it should despite the fact that nutrition-wise I am now super-healthy. It is reassuring to hear other people's stories about how the op is not that bad. However I have read plenty of horror stories as well. I suppose you could find that with anything really; even if you googled having a tooth out you would probably find many bad experiences if you looked, even though it is a common procedure that most people have no problems with. I just think, you have to be more careful in these circumstances; I do not want to get things wrong or make things worse for myself, but this is an area connected with emotions, self-esteem, sexuality; if I decide I need the op I will have it but I won't be under any illusions that my mental health would be affected so I have to tread very carefully; hope I can navigate my through this xx
Yes ur probably right about the doctors; it's just that I have to be totally reassured with everything; for example, i choose a dentist because I think they are competent, but also because I feel at ease and comfortable with them, and I like them. It is the same with everything. Yes I maybe have too much of a sense of responsibility, but do feel responsible; I have not looked after myself at all and now I am trying to turn that around; I keep thinking that if I had taken better care of myself before, my body may have had the strength to fight off the virus. But then again, maybe not; we all catch colds sometimes and that is just unfortunate; there is no great reason behind it. I keep thinking, why did I not know about this virus before? If I had had any idea, I would never have slept with anyone. In fact I hardly have, so it's sod's law really that I should have it! Yes my counsellor is helping me. But I am terrified of losing control, and terrified of bleeding; most women seem to think this is weird; I have no problem at all with periods but the thought of being confined to the house bleeding for 6 weeks is just too much; I don't know how I would bear it, but I have started to realise that this is nothing compared to what could happen if it got worse so am seriously thinking. Most important thing is always being here for my dog.
