Hello all. I'm finished with chemo and radiation and awaiting brachytherapy for stage 1b2 squamous. Im still having a hard time mentally and panic at everything. I wake up feeling panicky every morning. Its like a shock to my system when the reality of consciousness hits. Things are going really well according to the Drs. but the fear isnt easing. What if they missed something? I have an ovarian cyst that on mri and ct appear to be a typical common cyst and the Drs arent worried about it but in my head, what if they're wrong? Ive read a few times of Drs being wrong in this forum. I have sciatica off and on and my legs feel weak so in my head, its in my spine. I cant seem to form a rational thought. I just want to survive this. Im so scared. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Anxiety meds are barely helping. I cannot cope with the possibility of recurrence .
Hi JenS05,
I am so sorry to hear you are having a hard time mentally at the moment. I hope you don't mind me posting, but I just wanted to let you know about our Let's Meet (https://www.jostrust.org.uk/support/letsmeet) event this September 15th, Jo's annual information and support day, as to start the day we are having a talk on 'looking after your mental health after a cervical cancer diagnosis'. We have chosen to start the day with this session due to past attendees feedback where they said they wanted a session on Mental Health, as the anxiety and worries you talk about many others feel too, so we know how important it is to have this workshop. This session will be run by Dr Sahil Suleman who is the Lead for Macmillan Cancer Psychological Support. Please do feel free to email me about this if you have any questions at all (meghan@jostrust.org.uk).
Please also know you can call our helpline (0808 802 800) and our wonderful helpliners would be there to talk through all of your worries and concerns if you feel like you might benefit from this. You can find the opening hours here: https://www.jostrust.org.uk/support/helpline.
Sending my very best wishes,
Meghan
Unfortunately, I'm in the U.S.
What if they've missed something? What if they're wrong?
What is they haven't and what if they're right????
Its so hard to get your head into a positive way of thinking but no one else can do it for you, this is something that you have to work through yourself.
Its not an easy ride and there's certainly no quick fix. It's all going to take time. It's like a deep cut, it doesn't heal straight away, it needs to be treated and heal and yes, unfortunately it does leave a scar but only you can decide how you're going to treat that scar.
It took me a while but I realised that this cancer business took away 6 months of my life from diagnosis to my first clear scan. I decided it wasn't going to take any more of my life while my check ups are clear. I live my life to the full and if it comes back then I'll deal with it then but I'm not going to let the fear ruin my here and now x
I have been shocked at my mental health during treatment. I was so anxious, depressed and upset. Hysterical at points.
I started counselling right after treatment. I used to cry ever day. I’m now approaching 6 weeks post treatment and my mind has settled down. I don’t cry every day and my anxiety has settled down. The fear has calmed down for now. hopefully your mind might caLm down soon too. It’s awful though isn’t it. Pure torture.
I have also been struggling big time with anxiety during my treatment so far. I’m into week 2 of chemo rads. I have never experienced such debilitating anxiety in my life and it is scary! I’m seeing a pscycologist who is amazing but it’s still hard. I have all the same thoughts, what if it’s not working, what if it comes back etc. I started some meds yesterday and i really hope they help! It’s so frustrating!!!
Hi Kiwikat. I'm out of treatment and my MRI before brachytherapy showed complete response to treatment and I was over the moon for a few days, and then the anxiety returned. I think cancer forums, more specifically a cervical cancer Facebook page I belong is a HUGE contributor but I dont know how to stay off, especially if I have a new ache or pain and want to ask. The posts about recurrences terrify me. I'm seeing a therapist and most recently a psychiatrist for medication so I can cope. They say recurrence is rare and my Dr is confifldent in my case its highly unlikely BUT its hard to believe because its so unpredictable. I think most of this is psychological and I greive for my old life. Hoping things will get better over time. If you ever want to chat, send me a message. I'm in the U.S. in California.
