struggling to cope post treatment (children mentioned)

So I had my post baby smear which detected abnormal cells so I went for a loop. Which then showed I had stage 1 cancer. A few days later I had a cone biopsy which came back clear. That was back in April. Since then I’ve struggled daily coping mentally with what all happened so fast. But since every ache or pain I worry its cancer. My kids keep me busy in the day but at night I’m not sleeping from worry. I still get random pains which sets my anxiety off. I’m not sleeping from worry. My kids are only 3 and just 1. I worry about not watching themigrow up or be here. I keep having this dream about my future well about my death. I die of cancer and watch my own funeral. I can’t cope much more. I want to forget it but I can’t. My next smear isn’t until October. Please help.

Hi ArmywifeH:

Sweetie, I know this is tough. I'm a month behind you and I know exactly what you mean about thinking every twinge is something sinister. Plus, any which way you slice it, "cancer" is a damn scary thing to be suddenly faced with out of the blue. You don't mention your partner, so I'm thinking, looking at your user name, that he may be away and you've been dealing with this by yourself.So let me see if I can help. This is what I tell myself:

First, CC is one of the most treatable and cureable cancers out there. My doc said that if you had to pick which cancer to have,this would be it. They have excellent treatments for it and they have excellent outcomes. 

Secondly, yours was stage 1. They caught it super early, in fact, so early, they could treat it and knock it out with a cone biopsy. You will be checked every 6 months so should anything crap decide to kick off it will be found and dealt with before it can even think about causing trouble. If the doctor didn't think that was the case, he/she would be seeing you every three months.

Lastly, take your twinges to the doctor. I don't care if the doctor thinks I'm crazy. I just tell them that I'm feeling anxious following my recent experience so I know they won't mind checking me out so that I don't worry. 

I'm also seeing a therapist because I wanted to talk through all the stuff you mentioned in your post. She's not waving a magic wand, but it does help to say all this out loud. I don't know if this appeals to you, but you could try it.

I know this will get easier. The dreams will subside. You can do this.

Take care of yourself,

love t


Hi Hayley,

So pleased you posted as voicing your fears can be half the battle as Teresa said.

Sorry to hear that the anxiety is getting the upper hand. It's quite normal to feel anxious after a cc diagnosis, and the waiting for tests and results is a constant reminder. But don't let it get the better of you. It can have a habit of dominating to the point where you aren't enjoying things anymore. If you feel it's getting to that stage then it might be time to get some help. As Teresa said, finding a counsellor/therapist can be really helpful, but it might not be for everyone. Many NHS Trusts are now offering help online, via Skype or on the phone, which can make access a bit easier, especially with small children to look after. your GP should be able to give advice on the options. But please don't suffer alone, and remember we are always here to offer support and a listening ear.

All the very best Hayley, and do get in touch if you need more info.

Hi Hayley :-)

As the other two above have already said, the mind can do horrible things to us post-cancer. I was certainly a total mess and went to find a counsellor. Best thing I ever did! Completely turned my life around :-) Don't allow fear or depression to get the upper hand, it's a lot easier to treat than cancer :-)

Be lucky :-)

Hello Hayley.  I know exactly how you feel, I had the same diagnosis and same treatment and had a 1 and 2 year old when diagnosed. Although I was reassured by consultant that the cancer was removed it triggered terrible health anxiety in me where I would torture myself with such horrible thoughts about my poor children growing up without a mum. I'm now about 18 months since treatment and all my checks/smears have been clear. My consultant was seeing me every 3 months, they said it would normally be 6 monthly but see me more due to how anxious I was. I was put on an anti depressant to try and take the edge off the anxiety and I also saw a counsellor which I think helped me, he put a ban on cancer related internet searches and also self checking as I spent pretty much my whole day obsessing about it. I think it's such a shock to get that diagnosis as we associate it with the extreme and scary things but sounds like yours was completely removed with surgery so statistics say at such an early stage that should be a complete cure. I try and be as healthy as possible now too, no smoking, eat plenty of fruit and veg,  also green tea and folic acid meant to keep the cervix healthy so it all makes me feel I'm doing something positive. I wish you all the best, I think after a few clear check ups you slowly start to get your confidence back that it might just be ok, you've had a terrible shock but I try and tell myself in some ways I was one of the lucky ones that it was caught early and so easily treated with huge success rate xxx