sorry to rant and moan but I feel I need to vent this off and at the moment I don't feel I can say it to my family so I hope you ladies don't mind me doing it here!
I had my PET/CT and MRI yesterday for my 3 month check up, I went in a nervous wreck as it felt like I was back at the start of my diagnosis, I have been getting myself wound up about the pending results which has affected my sleep and when I do finally dose off I wake up sweating from nightmares. I've got the usual aches and pains in my hips/pelvis that so many seem to be struggling with so I've managed to convince myself that it's normal and taking pain relief when it's needed doesn't mean I'm back at my prediagnosis stage.
I feel like I've taken myself into a bubble, it's my safe place where I'm alone and others don't need to see my struggle or deal with my overreactive emotions but at the same time I know I need to pop this bubble and let my family back in but I'm so scared to do it.
am i just making myself go crazy or am I just following a normal route (I like to think I'm not the only one to do this) I know that whatever the results I will bounce back to reality, but I'm terrible when it comes to waiting and I know I'm bringing this all on myself.
Hi. Your story sounds very similar to mine, clear smears, repeat visits to gp with cc symptoms then finally being diagnosed with advanced cc. I was diagnosed at 4a.
However, I'm nearly 2 years on from diagnosis and have had clear scans since may 2016 (diagnosed Nov 2015).
It's still very worrying at every appointment but you learn to cope.
I didn't hardly speak to my family during my treatment and now everyone is banned from speaking about that period of my life.
i can relate to exactly how you feel also. Your not alone ive just finished treatment.
feeling of dread and terror for this appt is already there in my stomach. And own bubble and shutting people out. Its all just so traumatic. Ive booked in to some counciling to maybe see if can help with some coping stratagies.
Sounds like over time we just find that way to cope with this going forward everytime we need to have a scan to check. I spose is good they always checking and keeping close eye on us.
Thank you Francesca I hope your as well as you can be! It's strange how I've gone I've always been very open about everything but I just feel like I'm the only one who should be dealing with this and not burdening my hubby or causing worry to my young children (2&5 years)
i think I will arrange to speak with a counsellor like yourself once I've got my results.
take care, wishing you all the best for your results xx
I find it hard to discuss with family and friends too, because everyone wants me to be positive about results....and I do want to be positive ... But I won't be always. I find it easier sometimes when I catch up with friends and family, And do something a little different, which allows me to temporarily get distracted from everything and feel normal.
Its a cycle of waiting for tests, then waiting and worrying about results. Waiting sucks! Tests suck! Not having tests suck! Its hard to feel normal, when you body no longer feels the same and you no longer trust its signs as everything feels different. New aches, new pains and new anxieties. Hopefully, soon it will all be in our past.
I have my 3 month post treatment PET scan today and MRI on Friday so am right where you are and know what you mean, I feel exactly the same as you. I had the worst nights sleep last night (as did my husband) on top of a week of not great sleep which I can only put down to having the scans done this week. I have always been very open with my family and we talk about it and how everyone is feeling, I can only suggest not blocking anyone out. Let family help and be there for you when you need to talk or someone to lean on.
I think this way of feeling is just the 'new normal' for us, petrified of every appointment and scan but wanting scans to reassure us that everything is moving in the right direction hopefully. I think its also a reminder that we do have cancer especially this 3 month check as its the first time we find out if the treatment is working.
Im wishing you all the best and fingers crossed for positive results for you, when is your oncologists appointment?
My consultant is calling me with my results so I'm like a possessed woman carrying my phone everywhere :( I jump every time it rings and my heart sinks when it's not her I just want the results now.
