I've just found this forum today & have to say that despite distracting me from work for a hour - :) it's been so helpful to just hear people in roughly the same boat! by other half is amazing but can only do/say so much.
Had a few smears, always normal, last one came back as HPV+ and mild dysk, I worried obviously but then had my colposcopy & biopsy where the staff were lovely & supportive. The colposcopist took the biopsy, and said that she could only see very small changes,hoped I wouldn't need treatment but not a guarantee.
I managed to stem my normal levels of anxiety and assumed I'd clear the HPV, prob not need treatment & that was it. Got my letter last week saying CIN2 detected and I was booked in for June to be checked again with probable Lletz (sp?) that day. I've been pretty shaken by it and am now thinking far to far in to the future...
While I know logically that its better to find it, treat it and that it will most likely all be taken and the HPV will be cleared naturally eventually. I can't help feeling like this is a "whole new way of life". I feel like everything will be on hold until I'm "properly all clear" if that time comes...Its less that I worry that what I have is life threatening but more "life-style" threatening - ie my previous lifestyle of being healthy & happy is no more. Even though I know the likelyhood is that things will get better. - I hope that doesn't sound dramatic or selfish.
My partner is being awesome and saying "whatever happens, we'll face it together" but I'm just feeling gutted that we're having to & fearful of what could be... He's also running out of ways to re-assure me...
Apologies for such a rambling intro post, I just needed to offload!
You're all amazing! Thank you
Hi kupcake! Glad you have found your way on to Jo's for a bit of support but obviously not happy that you are having to go through this whole experience in the first place! I am a bit further down the line than you (had LLETZ for CIN 3 back in October, waiting for the results of my first follow up smear) and I just wanted to reassure you that how you are feeling is totally normal. I remember kind of mourning the loss of my old life (the happy, healthy care-free life) - getting those first abnormal results really felt like a life defining moment! But the reality is that in the old life, I was just living in ignorance (those abnormalities were starting to develop and I had no idea that I was even susceptible to developing them). I think that I am now a lot more focused on my health and know that it cannot be taken for granted. I also think that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" - I am definitely a stronger person as a result of this. It sounds like you are being very level-headed about this and also that you have a lovely supportive partner - with both of these things, I can assure you that life will get back to a new normality! You are in the system now, caught at a very early stage - in all likelihood, you will still be happy and healthy once the treatment has been done (that too is nothing to worry about!). I hope all goes well for you xx
Thank you so much for replying! I'm just pleased to be able to to share these thoughts with people who understand :)
Hi Kupcake im new to all this two, it amazing how your world can change so drastically from reading one letter! i wish you all the luck in the world i have had really dark days in the past three weeks but view it as an inconvenance to my normal life now, try not to worry about somthing you have no controll over (easyer said then done!!!) at least you are in the system and being monitered closely. i find it draining trying to continue my daily routeen and pretend im fine to everyone and have spent most nights crashed out on the sofa by 7. Glade i have found this forum as i feel i can really speak my feeling be them dramatic or irrelevent without straining or worring my partner
Thank you for your reply - an inconvenience is what I'm trying to view it as! Hope you're colposcopy goes well and congratulations for your wedding! :)