I had a colposcopy and lletz today. My results letter stated ‘sever’ changes so I pressume cin3. I had my smears 5 years apart…which was when I was called. The gynaecologist pressumed I had missed my screening as it was not 3 yearly which I had not.
Anyway the procedure was fine. Very manageable but I was so anxious I just went in and got on with it while sweating throughmy top. The more I think back now as I lay awake is how almost …violated i feel about it…like I was an interesting case to be ogled at. I feel so guilty for these feelings as everyone was lovely.
But I had the gynaecologist between my legs, the nurse assisting her…who also had a trainee/shadow nurse and to top it off there was also a community nurse ‘seeing’ what they do at the hospital. I don’t know if this is a normal amount of staff and no doubt I’m over reacting.
She made comment about a large white area so I’m convinced I’m dying from cervical cancer and they all wanted to have a look.
My mum is currently undertaking breast cancer treatment and I take her to all her appointments and I dare not tell her what’s been going on. My partner came but since the results letter I feel so dirty and can struggle for him to even touch me. I don’t want to tell him how I’m feeling as it’ll just upset him, last weekend after the results letter I drank too much and cried on the bed for hours and he sat there with me getting sniffley too.
I’m such a state so does everyone feel like this or had the same experience
Hi Rnorman and welcome to the forum. There are so many lovely ladies here to reach out to and they are such a great help. I’m so sorry to hear of your terrible situation regarding your mother whilst you are also going through this. What I can tell you is that when I had my colposcopy there was a team of four all generally doing exactly what you describe but I could hear what they were saying and they were genuinely needed to fetch and carry, help with the lights, hold instruments etc etc. so I think it may be quite normal for this to happen. I’m sorry that you feel dirty and I really hope that this will pass when you are more aware of what is happening. At my colposcopy the gynaecologist described my cells as “hugely abnormal”… I think roughly translated as WTF!
I really hope that you can recover from this. It sounds like you have a very caring partner who you can lean on. Sending positive vibes xxx
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Hey!
I too have just gone through CIN 3 and LLETZ, I had a gynaecologist and 2 nurses in the room so not quite as many. I’m a nurse and can assure you as a student I was left watching many a procedure just trying to learn and not once viewing anyone as entertainment just learning from all experiences I could to help people when I was qualified. Think of the community nurse being able to helps others like us, she can give them informed advice now from what she knows rather than vague answers about something she knows nothing about. Please don’t think I am dismissing your feelings though because whilst I say this I too have used the word violated to describe my experience. I completely understand what you mean, I just felt so exposed and not because of the team, they were so lovely. You obviously have many things on your mind at the moment and it’s a lot to process.
I too have felt dirty surrounding this whole thing, angry that I had HPV and angry that it developed into precancerous cells. I’ve had a few complications post LLETZ and so I suppose that doesn’t help these feelings as I can’t move on at the moment. Please know you aren’t alone. I’m worried about being intimate with my partner again after all this and like you since I got my results from my smear and knew I had severe cell changes I just didn’t want to go near him. It felt wrong. I hope with time we can both overcome these feelings and I’m sure we will!
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Well almost a week after the experience I am feeling better about it and no doubt was the shock about everything making me more emotional.
I’m a nurse as well hence why I felt guilty about my feelings. But I was also taught to ask if one of my students or me as a student can watch etc. I feel they perhaps missed that step. Of course I would have said yes they can, but I just feel not asking made to few days after the procedure worse as I processed it all.
Anyway, awaiting results now and onto recovery and the enjoyment of buying jumbo packs of pads
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Yeah you’re absolutely right they should have asked permission first. Especially when it’s such an intimate procedure with potentially life changing results.
I don’t think I’ve ever really investigated how many different types of pads are on offer before all this 
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