lletz yesterday... Feeling lost

Cervical screening results
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I had my first smear last year which showed high grade changes but at colposcopy they suspected only low grade and took biopsies to confirm. This came back with cin1 hpv associated changes - exact strains were not tested for so no idea if high risk. Follow up smear in 1 year recommended which I had last month and again showed high grade changes. I had my colposcopy yesterday and the doctor confirmed it looked like moderate changes and performed a loop excision for me. Safe to say it was the worst medical procedure I have experienced to date. While I was rather uncomfortable following the biopsies last year the biopsies themselves weren't too horrific, just sharp stings. The local anaesthetic injections were another world I do not know how to describe. The nurse held my hand the entire time as soon as the doctor said she would remove the area so she was obviously expecting it to be uncomfortable at least. I have a high pain threshold so was taken aback by how much I felt the needle but managed to breathe and cough accordingly until I couldn't feel anything - then promptly went very faint once it was all over! It was a reasonably large area and my poor cervix looked like a bomb site at the end but the doctor assured me it would heal up to look like normal. 

So today I feel very tender, swollen and sore and my vagina aches from the speculum. The water brown discharge is starting after a small amount of bleeding post lletz yesterday and we will see how it develops compared to the biopsies which I bled quite a bit after and had all sorts of strange secretions. Be prepared for that this time at least. 

While I'm managing the physical aspects relatively well I just don't know how I feel emotionally. I want to rejoice that the cells are gone and I'm doing the right thing getting it seen to, but I'm anxious for the lab results. The area that was abnormal had changed from last year - my cin1 patch had cleared up and been replaced with a new worse patch elsewhere in the space of a year. So I'm already dreading the six month check up in case it comes back. I don't have children yet and the complications that can accompany lletz were stressed to me but I can't even consider planning children until I'm completely clear of abnormalities. 

Sorry for the almost "dear diary" post just an emotional wreck and would like to share stories and support. 

Xxxx 

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Hi Gemma,

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time - I can completely relate to your story as seems quite similar to mine. I've found it really helpful to talk on here to other people going through the same thing. I had my Lletz on 3rd August and still awaiting results and have to agree its an emotional rollercoaster, all sorts of feelings going on. I also had a bit of a painful/bad experience with the Lletz followed by an infection. Like you, I was very emotional after my Lletz and still am, its not the nicest thing to go through but in the majority of the cases is to prevent something nasty that may happen in the future. 

Wishing you a speedy recovery - keep positive, fingers crossed this is the end of it and no more colposcopies or worries (I know easier said than done) : )

Sarah x 

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Hi Sarah,

 

Thanks for reading and replying. This forum really has helped me again and it's so comforting to know I'm not alone feeling this way. My close family and friends that know have been great but it's just not quite the same as someone else who has actually experienced it. I'm so sorry you had added complications following yours, antibiotics can be the last thing you want on top of it :(

Yes not worrying is certainly easier said than done! Trying to stay strong knowing it's at least being dealt with and praying this is the end of it, also I'm moving house next month so trying to keep my mind occupied with lots of internet window shopping hehe. Obviously I am delegating all the heavy lifting :)

I told my boss I'd need at least 3 days off based on how I felt after my biopsies last year but I feel like I need more time now, then I feel like I'm being over dramatic :( My job is very physically demanding and I did manage to re-open my wounds before which I really don't want to do again. Plus in my emotional state I'm bursting into tears over the slightest thing, I cried my eyes out at Tinkerbell & The Neverbeast last night! I know my boss would not be able to handle that haha.

Hope you get your results soon and everything is good for you xxx