Internals Rads on Monday


I saw the oncologists on Friday ready for the dreaded internal rads on Monday.  

I had my last two external rads yesterday. Today I feel quite. Literally zapped. 

Good news  by the MRI scan on Monday they can't see any tumour and the lymph nodes have returned to normal... Everything looks normal and they believe treatment has been extremely successful.

Both oncologists said that 3 months are the optimal time for scans but what they can see by mri and from an exam they are very pleased. PET scan to follow in 3 months.

I've never felt so wonton hussy women though with 2 internal inspections by 2 different hands within the space of 30 seconds!

Something to tell the grandkids when I'm old! Haha. 

Anyway, internal rads on Monday. I know its "insurance" but I'm so frightened. I've had a self inspection and my vagina has already got smaller and tighter than before. Does this mean it will be worse after the internal rads? I know I'm obsessed. 

Hi Harvitt,

Good luck for Monday.  You have done so well getting through the treatment so far and it sounds like the results are brilliant. I have been worried about each stage of treatment I have faced so far.  When the moment comes though we put on our game face and get through it!  
I am currently psyching myself to face chemorads and you've already bossed it!  

I can't comment on the braccy but I'm sure you will do brilliantly.  I would assume that most people having it will have had their pelvis zapped previous to treatment.

I am sure someone will be along who has had braccy to give you more info.  
I just wanted to send a virtual hug. Xx

Wow Harvitt! You really are on the home stretch, congrats. Brachy is not pleasant but it really is the cherry on the cake regarding treatment. I can only speak from my own experience and would say it's really important to use the dialators. I'm not in a relationship at the moment and if I don't use the Dialators for a week or more I notice a difference and it's a bit more uncomfortable. I didn't start until three weeks after I finished brachy to give myself time to heal. I try to make sure I use them now twice a week and things seem find down there. Very best of luck for Monday. It's nearly over!

x Maria

Hay, the chemorads won't be as bad as you think. I saw my chemo days like a spa day. Cleansing and a day away from the house. I only did 3 rounds as I had terrible tummy upsets, a bit of ringing in the ears and hangover feeling. It wasn't too bad but the tummy upsets got to me. The cns and oncologist said that 3 was enough and I'd done well. I drove myself to every session and back again. Even chemo. Only found out after that it wasn't advised... Noone told me! 

Thanks for your reply and reassurance, Harvitt.  I checked with my insurance today that I am allowed to drive and I am considering driving on the radio days if I feel ok.  Driving yourself to all you appointments is just more evidence that you are a warrior woman who will get over your last hurdle. 
Much love and big hugs. Xx

I was wondering about the internal rads if I could drive myself there and back. I was going to ask on a separate post. Only on one of the days 1st week, day 5 after chemo I felt as if I was tripping. Nurse told me this was down to the chemo. 

Harvitt-You have been so helpful and so inspiring to me sincw the beginning of my cancer journey and it seriously seems like yesterday when you were scared of starting treatment ans now here you are, almost done and with a good result ao far. You have done really incredibly this whole time, and i know you will handle this last scary step witj just as much bravery.

i am obsessed with my vagina too, so I understand. I think once this is all done, you will be so focised on care with the dialator and you will follow all the directions, and you will be fine.

stay positive. You are almost done!

Hi Harvitt

Well done, you are a star -  nearly through the treatment.  I was presented with dilators, and taught how to use them, by one of the nurse specialists on the last day of my treatment.  Actually I got overlooked for dilators and had to remind them so maybe something to be aware of; sometimes things seem to get missed - I noticed that no one discussed getting to and from appointments with you.

All the best


I'm shaking, freaking out and wobbly with nerves. 

I was OK an hour ago. But now... I'm a mess. 

This mor ING I've made my husband have a full inspection on my "nethers"... He says it all looks and feels like it did before. The external rads I could manage as they seemed harmless to me. I've just messaged another person with how they seemed like a well practised sas marks man zapping each and every c cell, leaning the innocent cells alone, knowing not to zapp healthy, good cells. The internal rads seem like an atom bomb... Doesn't care what it does as long as it explodes and causes maximum effect... Doesn't care about the innocent cells, my bladder, bowel, pelvis and Vagina. Boooom. I know the rads keep working after the last zapp. I understand side effects come afterwards.  I'm trying to kid myself I'll have no lasting side effects, some call it optimistic, most would calll it stupid and naive ... It's the only way I've gotten through the last 3 months. Telling myself I have dodgy cells that need getting rid of. After the first few weeks I stopped telling myself I had cancer. It was too overwhelming. Too big. Too frightening. The hole I was down was so dark and deep. It was the only way to get out to tell myself it was just some dodgy cells. Before this I'd pictured what everyone sees with a diagnosis of cancer. How I had hurt and so many people sad. Dodgy cells couldn't do this... Because I was bigger, better, stronger and more frightening... Unstoppable. 

I am so scared. Petrified in fact. 

Hi Harvitt

Just thought that the following excerpt from the Cancer Research UK website, about the side effects of brachytherapy, might be helpful:


Side effects

The side effects that you may get from brachytherapy depend on which part of the body you’re having treatment to. Because brachytherapy treats a small area close to the cancer, fewer healthy cells are affected and so side effects are often less than they would be if you were having external radiotherapy.



I copied the above from:


Thank you. Thank you for trying to reassure such a messed up head. Xxx

I am so sorry for this massive anxiety you are having. Hopefully as I am typing this you have already gotten started and are doing a little better because doing it easier than thinking about doing as we all know. I just know you are going to do so well with this. Anyone who is able to describe chemo as a "spa day" has strength and a kick ass attitude. You have got this! Stay strong.

Good luck Keeley! Thinking of you


How are you getting on? I really hope you are ok.

Thinking of you x

Hello Harvitt 

I also wanted to send you my very best wishes of strength and positivity as I have been thinking of you all week. You are so close now to completing your treatment. Hope you are doing well

All the best xXx