I've just joined this forum. I'm 57 and my last period was about a year and a half ago. I had my smear on 30 July and was horrified to discover I'd missed *two* smears! My last one was 2008! I don't know how I managed that I was always very careful to go for my smears. I can't believe I missed two!
So this one came back with HPV and I went for my colposcopy yesterday to be told I have a *high grade* infection and they were going to do a loop biopsy. But they couldn't do it - tried three different speculums but it was dry and painful and the nurse decided I needed to have it done under sedation. So I have a hospital appointment next week.
I'm just so scared because I missed two smears this infection could have had the best part of 12 years to be brewing away.
I know its preventative. I have a virus - that doesn't immediately mean cancer. I just have to wait for the procedure and the results of the biopsy. But it's absolutely floored me. I rang in sick yesterday and lay on the sofa crying all day.
Oh my lovely. Don't beat yourself up. Lots of women don't bother with having smears at all at least you have gone and will now be in good hands and get it all sorted. Everyone gets HPV in their life and they have no clue they have it as it doesn't come with symptoms. I know how you feel though I had to wait 5-6weeks for my lletz procedure and endured weeks and weeks of anxiety!
Please don't be scared of the lletz i was so shocked on how quick it was done and more uncomfortable than painful. Nurses are absolutely amazing in keeping you calm and make you feel uncomfortable!
It's not the procedure that scares me - it's the level of infection and the time it's potentially had to change my cells, and what they'll find after the biopsy.
I've re-read my letter. It just says there are changes to cells in my cervix and they've requested an urgent colposcopy. The nurse said *high grade*. But I don't know if it's CIN or CGIN or what the significance of that is.
Even if it's high changes it doesn't always mean cancer. I know how you feel though as I was petrified when I got my smear back and said changes I instantly thought cancer but the doctor reassured me! Try not to think the worst as it'll cause you so much stress and your be absolutely fine. First thing I did was google everything and it was the worse thing I did! DON'T DO IT! Although treatment isn't the nicest thing it will potentially save your life in the long run and you need to think although it's a negative hard thing to go through there is a positive at the end of it and they will do everything they can to take all the bad cells away! Us on this forum are here for you and you can message me privately whenever you want if you have any questions at all then I'm here to listen xx
I know you're right but the anxiety shouts louder than reason. It's worst in the morning. And my imagination needs little prompting to run away with itself.
It does help though hearing from you all. I had a better day yesterday - felt a bit calmer and slept last night and I've now signed up for Jo's Steps. I won't be able to cycle but I will walk next month. I might not be able to control what's happening inside my body but I can do something to help others.
Yes google epitomises "a little knowledge is a dngerous thing". I've looked at NHS and Jo's but stayed away from the rest of the net. I have to say the info on this site has helped a lot. It's clear and dispassionate and makes no promises - but I feel I have a better understanding which changes nothing practically speaking. But feels less powerless. So I'm grateful for the charity and everyone here.
And anyone else in the same boat - I can't help with reassurance because I'm not there yet. But you're not alone.
Just wanted to say I know how scary it is. The not knowing and the waiting for appointments and results was the hardest bit for me. It's a common thread on here that once you have facts and a treatment plan you feel a bit calmer. The whole thing was a massive shock to me last year. I can recommend phoning Jo's helpline for support. Also MacMillan has a nurse led helpline between 8am and 8pm. Journaling also worked for me as well as a walk in the fresh air every day. Keeping busy is also good. I referred myself for counselling and was advised to set aside a worry hour every day and to carry on with my usual routines the rest of the time. You will reach a place where you feel calmer. Apparently it is human nature to fear the worst and to catastrophise. I found a prepare for the worst and hope for the best spin helps. Also remember no amount of worrying will change the physical facts of your case. Be kind to yourself.
I know too well what it's like to get an abnormality on the cervix and be full of fear, remorse, guilt etc when you realise it's been a long time since you had a smear test. I was more than 10 years overdue for my smear when I developed symptoms which turned out to be a cervical cancer. However, I think there is much to be positive about your situation compared to mine. The doc took one look at my cervix and told me immediately that it was very likely a cancer which is not where you are at. Yes, your problem MIGHT have been brewing for 12 years but it is likely that it started more recently and who knows maybe, for example, if you'd gone for a smear 5 years ago and it was normal maybe you'd have been less likely to go for this recent test and you could probably have ended up in a worse situation. Even if you have a cancer it could well be a small non-invasive one (cancer-in-situ) and the treatment for that is relatively straightforward and the same as for severe cell abnormalities. About 30,000 women per year in the UK are diagnosed with a cervical cancer-in-situ whereas only about 3000 are diagnosed with invasive cancer requiring significant treatment.
I can mirror what Jazza has said- one look from my consultant- they told me it's cancer! They rushed my biopsy through and I had the results within 3 days! I would take your situation as a positive! I was also extremely overdue a smear, I booked one due to irregular bleeding. With the knowledge of being so overdue- my mind went into overdrive and I self diagnosed the worst possible scenario. Went back years making every gripe I had ever had a 'symptom' it really wasn't healthy- but the mind is a very powerful thing!! I was immediately convinced that it would be hugely advanced- and as soon as I was diagnosed, suddenly had pain everywhere so in my head- I was riddled! I was staged at 1b2 and am having a radical hysterectomy in 2 weeks time. My cancer is aggressive- so I now highly doubt it's been there for that long- and as above- I was circa 10 years overdue a smear!! It's a rollercoaster of emotion- but this forum has kept me (relatively!!) sane!
Try not to worry too much- very hypocritical for me to say as I've worried a lot! You are in the safest possible hands now, and whatever the outcome- they will look after you. As Jazza said- the chances are it'll all be fine :)
Jo's is so comforting- always reach out if you need to.
Oh thank you for sharing all that Charlotte! I hope the hysterectomy sorts it for you! Wow what a lot to face. I hope it goes well. Yes the worry is incredible - I wish I could be that focused and creative in the rest of my life!
Update: Had the LLETZ and the consultant came to see me after and told me it was a tiny tiny area affected - on my discharge letter it just says warty lesion. In fact they had to hunt to find it! He took two incisions, first the biopsy then went back and took away all the affected tissue he could see so he said even if they do find cancer cells, he's very optimistic.
So I'm feeling mightily relieved and although the worry isn't completely gone the terror has for now.
I was terrified on Thursday when I went in - but I think without all the kind and reassuring comments from you lovelies I wouldn't have been able to face it at all! Now is a dreadful time to have to deal with all this as well, you can't have your family to support you, and lovely as the staff are, they're busy, they're not your partner or your mum or your sister.
