Sending you a virtual hug. It's completely normal and understandable to feel this level of stress about it. I'm feeling quite stressed at the moment because I know LLETZ is inevitable (technically waiting for results but I have seen my updated smear test from the colposcopy and have been told I'll need it). I just want it over with and the nasty cells removed! I found this quote on the Macmillan website:
"A cervical screening test can very occasionally detect early cervical cancer, but most women with an abnormal test result have early cell changes and not cancer.
Very few women with an abnormal test result have cancer of the cervix."
Of course you don't know what's going on, in detail, with your cervix yet, but cancer is only a remote possibility. You are much more likely to have CIN 2 or 3 which is not cancer and can just be removed, possibly there and then if it's in an 'easy to reach' spot and you feel comfortable with that (although heavy lifting wouldn't be recommended after that for a couple of weeks, so you might need someone else to do all the heavy aspects of moving, or to postpone the treatment?). I imagine you will feel a level of relief after the colposcopy. It's likely that the colposcopist will be able to reassure you that it's not cancer, there and then. I completely understand the emotional toll this is taking on you though. xxx