I am amazed at the strength of character that I read from you all....you truly are an inspiration and a great comfort to me, as I have been called for Colposcoppy next Tues 21st Jan after receiving a letter saying that I have 'high grade dyskaryosis' and I am almost frozen with fear that I have cancer.....
For the first couple of days I was unable to look at my son without crying and I have barely eaten since last Friday. Everything aches, although I have read here that that is a fairly typical occurance and is likely to be caused more by worrying than anything else.
When I got my letter through, I asked a client who is a nurse at a local surgery to explain (I was hoping she would be able to tell me things would be okay)....and she has scared the living daylights out of me. She read my letter and promptly said that it looked 'very worrying' especially as I have always had clear smears before. She then went on to tell me that none of us know when our time is up so I should just have to get on with it and that as I have had my children (I am 44) it wont matter if it's bad news as they will just 'whip everything out'.
I went home absolutely devastated and spent hours working through the statistics on google until I found this site and started to calm down a bit.
There is no option for me to work and keep busy, but I am a wreck inside. I dont know how I am going to cope after the Colposcopy as I wait for the results of biopsies or any other test they do.
I have a horrible sense of forboding that is hanging over me that I just cant shake. I had a laparoscopy 3 years ago, which showed some cervical erosion and some small patches of endometriosis, but nothing major. I have had pain during and occasionally after sex, but nothing major and have a Mirena coil which stopped my periods 3 years ago but now that I am focussing on my syptoms I am especially panicking because I sometimes have night sweats, never during the day.
This waiting is finishing me off....Thank you all for being there and I wish you all, whatever stage you are at on this journey, my very best warmest wishes.