I am amazed at the strength of character that I read from you all....you truly are an inspiration and a great comfort to me, as I have been called for Colposcoppy next Tues 21st Jan after receiving a letter saying that I have 'high grade dyskaryosis' and I am almost frozen with fear that I have cancer.....
For the first couple of days I was unable to look at my son without crying and I have barely eaten since last Friday. Everything aches, although I have read here that that is a fairly typical occurance and is likely to be caused more by worrying than anything else.
When I got my letter through, I asked a client who is a nurse at a local surgery to explain (I was hoping she would be able to tell me things would be okay)....and she has scared the living daylights out of me. She read my letter and promptly said that it looked 'very worrying' especially as I have always had clear smears before. She then went on to tell me that none of us know when our time is up so I should just have to get on with it and that as I have had my children (I am 44) it wont matter if it's bad news as they will just 'whip everything out'.
I went home absolutely devastated and spent hours working through the statistics on google until I found this site and started to calm down a bit.
There is no option for me to work and keep busy, but I am a wreck inside. I dont know how I am going to cope after the Colposcopy as I wait for the results of biopsies or any other test they do.
I have a horrible sense of forboding that is hanging over me that I just cant shake. I had a laparoscopy 3 years ago, which showed some cervical erosion and some small patches of endometriosis, but nothing major. I have had pain during and occasionally after sex, but nothing major and have a Mirena coil which stopped my periods 3 years ago but now that I am focussing on my syptoms I am especially panicking because I sometimes have night sweats, never during the day.
This waiting is finishing me off....Thank you all for being there and I wish you all, whatever stage you are at on this journey, my very best warmest wishes.
Sorry to hear how u r feeling...I too was the same ..had smear after putting it off for 2 ys and came bk severe dyskaryosis.i broke down straight away. All I coud think was is it too late..am I dealing with cancer..I managed to get a cancellation booking over a week before mine was due thankfully. She told me there and then that it looked like cin3 and was only small.this still scared life out of me even tho she was pretty sure..afte 5 anxious weeks I rang for results as was impatient and yes was cin3 but a margin was not clear but they said that wen they burn u to stop bleeding that would destroy any left..im now scared that some is left and worried wat will happen at follow up in 6 months x
Hello hunni am so sorry to read your story i would just like to say that i think what your friend has said is relly up setting to me she should hve not sed that to you :( i have cin3 and i am haveing lletz 28th jan you may end up haveing this don to sorry i cart be more help i m senfing you hug xxxxxxx
Thank you so much for your replies...We are all playing the waiting game...so very frustrating. Already, my life has changed. Everything is on hold. I read so many wonderful success stories on here, for women at all ages and stages. I guess we must all just try to keep busy and not think too hard about negative things :( xxx
Katietyler: Thank you for your hugs...The nurse wasnt a friend, she is a client who is a gp nurse. I wish I hadnt asked her. I forgot to mention that she also said that I may have had it for ages as it is likely I had Cin 1 or 2 previously but that it probably hadnt been picked up! Honestly, she really went for it.... I am praying that the staff I see at the hospital are more reassuring. I know that they often cant say much until they know for sure, but I am hanging on every word at the moment to keep me going.
I really can not bealive she sed that no one should be spoke to like like at such at bad time in ur life it must have been so hard for you to hear that :( xx
Hey, so sorry to hear what is happenin and sorry to hear the person that gave u that info was so unkind. It wasnt nice to b given that when u wanted a bit of reassurance! Bless u. I went for my first smear in dec and came back high grade dyskaryosis. I had colp on tues and had lletz procedure at same time. I am a lil sore but have got everythin crossed they hav got all the affected cells. Plz try not to panic.. although trust me i kno it is a lot easier said than done and people on here have been a god send to me. Even tho we are all on our own journies people care and have some understanding and are very supportive. This site has been a god send to me! The waitin is def the worst part hun. Sendin u hugs xx
nellyboo: Thank you so much for your message...Yes, the waiting is awful. I am at work all day, bustling about and I find that I am just going through the motions, hearing all my clients' woes about shopping trips and new shoes...and I am fighting back the tears and thinking I cant cope with another day without knowing. I have had indigestion today and immediately assumed the worst that all my organ are pressing on my stomach and causing it...
I I spoke to another health professional today, who was horrified about the previous one's opinions. Today's was alot more practical...and confirmed that going straight from a clear smear in 2011 straight to CIN3 now does not automatically mean anything. She did say there were no guarantees (which I appreciate) but that it is extremely unlikely that I, and the vast majority of everyone else who has CIN 3 and/or cc will go on to be absolutely fine. That was really all I had hoped for from the first nurse.
I am still panicking, cant eat properly and cant sleep....but that is because I am a anxious person at the best of times. If my kids or husband are 5 minutes late, they have been murdered. I am just a stress head xxxx
The women on here are truly something else...I am constantly amazed at the warmth and kindness everyone shows. Im so glad you are through the LLetz.....Im sure everything will be great for you from now...xxx
Thank u. Fingers crossed! so glad to u spoke to a different professional and they made u feel at ease a lil more. I felt that i had this strange thing inside me and it cud b gettin worse everyday n no one else seems to undrrstand...like u i was at work everyday listenin to everyones mundane n routine stuff n screamin inside "if only u knew what was goin on with me"!!! I cried n cried n cried n obvs u fear the worst...its completely natural. I feel different now i have had my lletz tho and feel a lot more positive. I was so glad they did it there n then to get it over n done with. Take someone with u if u can for ur colp thats my biggest advice and the same advice i recieved from ladies on here xx
...of course, I meant to write that the nurse said that I, and the vast majority of everyone else who has cin 3 and/or cc will go on to be absolutely fine....My typing is hopeless and I realise that I am writing bits the wrong way round....So please read my last message as a positive one and take no notice of me!! Sorry xxx
wow est, i cant believe that nurse even said anything of the sort to you. i am 24 and have also been told i have CIN3. having it removed on 4th feb. i was also scared out of my witts as they thought it was only mild changes at first. but the colposcopy gives a lot more clear perspective and they let you see it on a screen so you can see how big the abnormal area is. i know its easier said than done but try not to worry and do no listen to a single word of that nurse that clearly should not be in that perfetion.... even if she isnt ur nurse or at work she should be more tacful with her words. and having everything whipped out would still be a bit deal for you at 44, just because you might be done having kids doesnt mean you want to go to the change early. sorry i hope this isnt making you feel bad i am just discusted by her. let us know how you get on. x
Thank you stephanielouise...The waiting is horrible for us all, isnt it?
Im trying to find some info now on whether it will be a problem to the colposcopist or the lletz prodecure that i have a mirena coil in...will they take it out at that time? I dont mind if they have to, I just wondered whether Im going to get there for the appointment and be turned away because I have a coil in place?
Hello hun! Firstly let me just say how sorry I am that you have had to hear such awful comments from a 'professional'. She by no means comes across as a professional whatsoever! Even with CIN3 - it is easily treatable and almost always never has a recurrence. You must have been worried sick!! Your smear is basically just to detect abnormality, the colposcopy will confirm anything as it examines you in a lot more detail. Often the smear test can come back worse or even better than what it actually is. So go by your colposcopy hun, be try not to worry until then. Easier said than done I know! But they will monitor you from now on and keep a close eye on you to catch any early changes. CIN3 does not mean cancer so don't think like that! The aches and pains will be down to our mind doing terrible things to us. The mind can sometimes be our worst enemy! Trust me, I had my first ever smear October 2013 which came back abnormal with HPV. I started experiencing pains that I had never experience before - but on my actual biopsy results which confirmed CIN1, the aches an pains suddenly disappeared lol. I still get the odd twinge or ache, but I just laugh now cause I automatically think the worse when that isn't even the case! I hope everything goes well for you hun - try not to worry. You're in the best hands and anything they find will be easily treatable :) big hugs xxx
Thank you, dani87x.....Im afraid nothing will stop my worrying, as I am an anxious person at the best of times and I am struggling very much to keep positive. I very much appreciate your comments though and I hope you are spot on and that I get through this okay. Hope you have a lovely weekend xx
Thank you, dani87x.....Im afraid nothing will stop my worrying, as I am an anxious person at the best of times and I am struggling very much to keep positive. I very much appreciate your comments though and I hope you are spot on and that I get through this okay. Hope you have a lovely weekend xx
