Hi all
It’s been an awful time in the last few weeks, waiting for all the tests to come back. I have dreaded every phone call and cried so many tears over my own disaster thinking. In my mind I was convinced that every ache and pain meant the cancer had spread. I was so scared that the only way I managed to survive was by telling myself that is I wasn’t going to die that day then I could get through the day. It all seems ridiculous now there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I thought I would record my journey so far for anyone who hasn’t read my previous notes. I found the accounts on here were priceless in keeping me sane in dark times and I want others to be able to read this and know that cancer journeys have twists and turns. It doesn’t always mean bad news.
I was told at my colposcopy that it was very likely I had cervical cancer. A couple of days later I got a phone call for an MRI. I thought that definitely meant I had cancer. It didn’t as they hadn’t actually got the results of the biopsy when they requested the MRI.
When I got my results from the consultant I was told the MRI was clear but there was 2.5cm cancer on my cervix. Stage 1b1 and curable. They were going to operate but wanted to do a CT before a date for the Op. I asked if the CT would show anything. I was told that it was very unlikely to do so and I would have an appointment in two weeks to schedule the op. I relaxed. All would be ok.
Three days after my CT I got a call. My consultant wanted to see me urgently. It was back to the dark thoughts again. I was convinced there must be spread and I was terrified. At my appointment I was told that my lymph node was enlarged to 9mm and my cancer was aggressive. They suspected stage 3. No more operation, it would be chemo/rads. They needed a PET to confirm if the lymph node was cancerous. I was told the nurse would phone me with the PET results and I would go straight into treatment.
I got my head around the potential stage 3 and went for the PET scan. I waited for the nurse to ring but when the phone finally went it was the consultants secretary saying he needed to see me urgently again. I went to pieces. We had a plan for stage 3. If it wasn’t that then the spread must have been worse and I must be stage 4. In less than a month I had had every stage mentioned to me.
I phoned my wonderful Macmillan nurse. When I explained she actually chuckled. The PET was a good result. They lymph node was not cancerous, it wasn’t even enlarged anymore. I was certainly still stage 1b1. The consultant needed to see me because my physiology is unusual in that my uterus is very close to my bowel. This might impact how they carry out the treatment and he wanted to talk me through the options.
Sorry for the long post but my point is that you never know what they will tell you or why they want to see you. Try not to panic like I did. Last week I thought I was stage 3. Yesterday morning I thought I was stage 4. Today I know I am stage 1. Whether it is an operation or chemo/rads I am very likely curable. I feel like I have my future back.
Thank you to all the wonderful women on here who helped me cope so far.
Have hope x
