Hi,
I finished my treatment a week ago now, and Im so relieved and happy.
Though I tried to be positive, but sometimes it hit me I'm now just a person with cancer or had cancer. That this word wont be separated from me now. I'm getting emotional about it lately as I feel lost what I will do now with my life. I have a husband and now we can't have children anymore, so it will only be us. Sometimes I felt like I dont have any purpose anymore, like what is my mission now, or what my life is for now.
I dont want to sound too negative on here, but I think this is the only place I can share what I think and feel. I tried not to bother my friends much now as I know they might be getting tired of depressing stories.
Not sure how to be normal again. I feel like, Im always on the edge, anytime it can come back again. I feel pity on myself and sometimes I blame myself.
Have you felt the same? Or maybe its only me. How did you start your life again and how long you felt normal? Have you drastically change your lifestyle after treatment?
Hi Gem
I can’t really help as I’m just starting out on this journey but I can appreciate how you feel. Saying “I have cancer” is freaking me out and I feel I have crossed over into something I can never leave. However I’m hoping I can be a proud survivor and beat the ass of this thing!
You are allowed to grieve for the children you haven’t had,for the life you had planned but has been altered by this and for the huge diagnosis and treatment you’ve been through. It is going to take time,be kind to yourself and give yourself that time.
Your mission now is to be you,to enjoy everything you have and have a wonderful life with your husband.
Wishing you all the best
C xx
Hi Gemma,
You’ve done brilliantly to have got through the treatment successfully and helped others along the way. Your “first day of chemo rad” post really helped me prepare mentally for mine yesterday.
One of the most helpful things my consultant said at the outset of my journey was that the cancer had absolutely nothing to do any lifestyle choices I’d made and that it’s purely down to bad luck. Try to bear that in mind at those times when you begin to blame yourself.
Your feelings are totally understandable and I feel sad that you’re going through this at such a young age, but you have a great future to look forward to, a different future than you’d planned perhaps, but with time you’ll accept and adapt and be a stronger person for that.
If you able to meet with a specialist cancer counsellor, then do take the opportunity as they offer fantastic support.
Linda x
It gets easier x
two years on and I am getting stronger, and living my best life.
It gets easier x With time x
I still wobble at an NHS letter in the post x
Thank you everyone for your nice messages, its really encouraging.
3 weeks post treatment, i still feel achy and tired. But im starting to feel a bit normal again. Sometimes I couldnt believed Ive been through that.
Thank you ladies!! Xx
Gemma
Dear Gemmed,
I was completely in shock when the cancer diagnosis hit me. Never in my whole life would I ever expect this thing would had happened to me. I thought i was going to die soon. And I went through the treatment as it was.
When all the treatments ended, I became lost. I did not know what to do in my Life. I became very depressed and I kept reflecting back and fro on what went wrong. It doesn't make any sense at all and I told myself it was just pure bad luck. I do good almost all my life and this was what happened to me. I am in a lot of pain because no one understands how I feel. It took about many many mths for me to slowly get out of the darkness and I was back at work. Going back to work makes me focus on other stuffs so as not to think of the depressing and painful stuffs. Deep down I know the pain will always be there. I told myself maybe this is what it is and Life has other plans for me. One does not always get what we want in Life or has to go by what society wants.
If you and your husband want children, maybe you could try to adopt one?
Take care. Stay strong. And stay beautiful.
