I was diagnosed with cancer late august and had my cervix removed early September. Got the all clear with no further treatment which is great but sometimes I fall apart and feel so selfish for doing it because I know it could have been worse?
Hi matey,
I know how u are feeling. Now that my scars seem to be healing very well, my focus has gone onto all the emotional side and the "what if...?" Stuff. It's not a good place. I was dealing really well with it all but now my head is all over the place and I'm actually starting to feel a bit depressed... This is NOT the route I want to go down so I'm trying to keep myself busy with books, walks, daughter, etc but I'm realising what a huge effect this has had on me.
im not back at work yet as I know there is no way I can return to 12hr days!! Last week I went a bit far on one of my walks and panicked about being able to get home!!! Yet I'm able to do lots of little bits and pieces round the house. So then guilt sets in about not being able to do everything. Then I feel bad about my body (which is all fat and wobbly now... Looks horrid) and fed up it won't do what I want it to do.
so there u have it, rant over! It is pretty normal I think. Yes, we are grateful that we have had treatment that seems to have worked but we can feel pants about having to have had the treatment in the first place.
big hugs to you matey xxx dons
Same here, diagnosed end of August and radical hysterectomy 4 weeks ago. All clear, no more treatment required and healing up nicely BUT the emotional side not so good. Think its normal, cancer has taken away so much from me I don’t think I’ll ever fully get over it but the effects will get easier to deal with in time, I hope! I agree with Dons, keeping busy helps and talking with people about it. I’m personally thinking about getting some counselling xx
Same here and I was only a really early stage so had the most minimal treatment ever so was 'lucky' in that regard and physically I feel fine but mentally I can't seem to get myself back on track yet. I cant explain it but I don't feel like myself anymore and it's making me feel a bit lost if that makes sense. It probably doesn't, I can't even work out myself what's changed in my mind so quite how I'd expect someone else to understand I have no idea! Its starting to get me down a bit though as everyone thinks it's all over and so everything is back to normal but I don't feel back to normal and feel as though I'm having to fake feeling ok all of the time. I am ok, I'm just not 'me' and I think I underestimated how weird that was going to be when I'd seen girls on here write about how you have an 'old you' and a 'new you'!
Soph x
Id echo all these points! I definitely feel so so lucky, and I wouldn't say I'm depressed or anything like that, but I sometimes feel a bit down about it all, but like the other ladies have said, this was only post op, as I felt very positive beforehand.
i think for me it is the fact that I don't have a boyfriend, and i wasn't planning on having one for a while anyway, but it's made me a bit self conscious about dating, having a scar (my op was abdominal not key hole), and although I'm so pleased with how it's healing after only 5 weeks, I'm fully aware it could be a year before it completely settles down. Sorry if this is too much info but I'd quite like to be able to get naked with someone before then, but I don't know how confident id feel! I think it must be easier for those who have partners as they are understanding and accept you no matter what, but the thought of explaining my cancer journey to a new boyfriend terrifies me!!!
I think how you are feeling is completely normal! 10 months on from surgery I would say it gets easier but it hasn’t gone away yet. I wake most days and think about it but it doesn’t affect my normal day to day life. I worry about it coming back but in a controlled way, if that makes sense.
I felt so positive leading up to and straight after my op and during my brachy, it was after it was finished it got tough. Everyone expects you to return to normal, you are ‘ok’ now but I think it’s at this point reality sets in. You’ve had cancer. I really had to fight myself some days not to sink into it and wallow in my misery. But it does pass, I’d echo that keeping busy helps.
I went back to work after 7 weeks and actually worked during my brachy. It was hard at first but helped in the long run I think.
I’m kinder to myself these days. If I want to sit with a coffee for half an hour in the middle of the day I just do!
Life is different but it’s great!
Be kind to yourself, how you feel is normal.
Take care xx
