Feeling down

Hi Ladies,

I finished my treatment 10 days ago. Initially I felt great, on top of the world even. Although I still feel fab physically, emotionally I'm a mess.

I guess I'm just having to come to terms with the fact that our dreams of a family will never happen. I'd been able to push this to the back of my mind during treatment, but now I'm home alone with far too much time to think. Everywhere I go there seems to be swarms of pregnant women or adverts on tv telling me all about great things for babies. People I know keep moaning to me about their sleepless nights and uncomfortable pregnancies etc. I just want to shout from the rooftops that I don't give a f#@k. Of course I don't I just grin and bear it but it really gets to me.

I can deal with the other side effects of all this but being infertile just makes me so angry. It just feels so unfair, as if having cancer isn't enough. 

Sorry for my woe is me post but I'm really struggling with this right now.

Rachel xx

Massive hugs Rach, I have been thinking of you. 

I remember you saying you would deal with your feelings once you finished your treatment so in a way you are only just beginning to process this and grieve really. I would think you are going to go through lots of phases of grief before you get to acceptance but please be kind to yourself and don't torture yourself. 

People can be unintentionally very insensitive can't they, some might think they need to moan about things now as that might make you feel better.  But unfortunately we aren't trained in what to do when this happens to a friend so if you can try and remember your friends love you and would never mean to upset you.  You could say to them please don't feel you need to moan. I'm sure you have had adoption mentioned hundreds of times, but at the moment you are in grief you won't want to think about alternative options. 

It might be worth considerino counselling maybe ask for referal from gp? like you said dealing with cancer is a bad enough thing on it's own nevermind comimg to terms with this. I have read other ladies have said it helped them massively so definitely worth considering.

Try and have some nice things booked in diary, whenever I am down it's helped having some fun things to look forward to. 

Praying for you hun.

Lots of love xxxx

It's no wonder you feel down, as you say, you now have opportunity to start coming to terms with this. And as Sarah T says, you need to grieve. This is a massive thing. I can't imagine it really. Counselling would be beneficial I imagine, though of course everyone's needs and wants are very different. But for now you need to allow yourself to have those feelings, its OK to becangry and its also OK to tell people that you can't handle hearing their pregnancy or child related woes!

Big hugs from me too Rach....like you say the treatment has been your main focus....gritting your teeth and getting through it. Now comes the bit where reality hits I suppose...I know I'm not in the same situation as you but I know that after my op I felt ecstatic and then devastated all over again because of the other parts of my recovery....people seem to think that once you've got the all clear you're gonna be back to normal but nothing could be further from the truth. What you're going through is a huge grieving process and it's going to be hard work but you need to be kind to yourself. None of this is your fault....your partner loves you for you and if you choose to go down the adoption route at some stage you'll have a child who loves you both and will be so grateful you chose them. It's just not going to be easy peasy but you'll get there...you've been so brave so far...just some more hurdles to go.

Hi Rach,

I'm 32 now, and I never really wanted children. Then cervical cancer happened, and the option was gone. Initially it didn't bother me because I was focused on curing the cancer, but I definitely think about it now.

I know people don't intentionally say insensitive things, but it's going to happen. My older male coworker was telling another female coworker that she'd change her mind about having kids (she said she doesn't plan on having kids ever). I thought, "what about me, what if I change my mind? I CAN'T have kids!" He was saying this right in front of me. While I was going through treatment. But I'm positive that it just didn't cross his mind that his statement would bother me. 

So I'm with you... no children, and can't have them, wish people would be more sensitive to that.

Happy thoughts :)