Saturday I felt so low, crying over everything having a pity party for one. I actually took myself to bed by 4pm to shut myself away. I feel resentful of everyone and everything, bitter I even hated the sun being out. I worry about my house been taken I worry about putting food on the table I worry that we have nothing. I feel about as useless as a chocolate teapot. Then when I read what other ladies are going through and I feel guilty. I shouldn’t be moaning I should be more positive. I now have a stomach ulcer, well it’s returned. And a lump in my throat which has been there for over a week now. My gp won’t do anything. So now even more worried as my chemo and rads start Wednesday. My nurse asked me are you feeling anxious.at the time I said NO! Who am I kidding? Seriously my moods could change minute by minute and I’m even more surprised my husband hasn’t walked.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're going through a shitty time and it's normal for your mood to be all over the place. I hope you manage to start feeling more positve soon, for your own sake, as it's blooming hard word feeling down all the time. Good luck with starting treatment on Wednesday.
hi
I had so much anxiety over the start of my treatment that I was very much the same. My moods were all over the place and I wanted to hide from the world.
Once you get your bearings with the treatment, such as where to go, how long, who's who, even parking, then you will be more stable. It's a crazy ride.
I was really scared I would have some kind of weird reaction to chemo that I couldn't sleep the day before. But, nothing... (Actually felt great)
i just started second week and I'm so calm, relaxed. It's nice to recognize people I have met last week. I actually feel better at the clinic then out in public. At first I wanted to run from there but now it is a place where everyone understands and no one says stupid things.
Take a breath, soon you will be kicking your cancers butt!!
Xxx
I find the weekend the worse I don't know why. Think its the social media thing, I go on fb and everyone seems to be having a life and mine seems to be at standstill. Is it strange I'm looking forward to it starting do I know I'm closer to the finishing line. It's the apprehension of it all. And like you say when you see people in the same position you don't feel like an outsider. I'm glad your feeling positive and hope your treatment goes well. X
I totally agree the weekend is hard. As, I have not planned anything because I am not sure how I will feel.
I hate going to visit people because although I know they mean well I'm really tired of hearing I should eat this or that, that I need to be this way or that way.... I guess that's all apart of this. hearing really stupid comments is the hardest like " you don't even look sick" but I cannot be upset because I was no different a few weeks ago.
i've started a journal On all the stupid things people have said to me just for fun. I of course say nothing in return because I know it's meant to be nice or helpful. I have realized how ignorant I was before. They say having cancer changes you and I can already see this as true.
I still feel like it's not really happening but do feel better talking about it to other people at the clinic. I guess they get it and are happy I get it too.
Even this forum is an escape from those who do not understand it's like on here we all are together. Some club we never wanted to be apart of but are so happy we found each other.
Life is so funny....
At our hospital, the chemo planning was a group thing. We all met together every different type of cancer, men women all different ages. Hertfordshire must be a busy area at the moment for cancer, as one of the nurses said she'd never seen it do busy, they even ran out of chairs. 3 of us were having our kidney tests so we saw each other all day, do we all got chatting. I said to my husband. " so how does feel to be the odd one out? " lol ! My friends have not been great. Think they don't know what yo say. And I feel healthy at the moment and don't look I'll. It's odd I don't look at myself and see cancer either. It's odd feeling. You see all these films tv programmes with people suffering from cancer. But that's not how it is. I do feel like the old me has gone. My spark my mojo. Is their any right or wrong way to act when you've been told you have cancer? I can't wait for a very large glass of wine. Obviously without the fags, which I miss so much. 3 months today smoke free.
Hi there:
No smoking for 3 months? Now that is hard! Do you feel any different? That is an amazing accomplishment, so well done you.
I don't think there is a right way or wrong way of dealing with cancer. You must do whatever it is that makes you feel better or helps you cope - just be ready for some powerful mood swings. This is life-changing, or life-altering stuff going on here and it takes time to work through it. Sometimes it's great to be with people in the same boat - like on here - and sometimes it's nice to be with people who have no idea. I think you are going to be different after all this is done with - how could you not be? You'll probably feel stronger, because after this, most shit looks like a walk in the park and you'll probably have a different outlook on what's really important to you in your life. Your mojo is not gone; it is resting and regrouping.
You can do this sweetie.
love t xx
As everyone says, it is a really anxious time. Thankfully the treatment is probably not going to be anywhere near as bad as you think it's going to be and it will be over and done with before you know it.
The anxiety lessens too although it's up and down sometimes.
I just wanted to comment about the lump in your throat. I developed one during my treatment, kept mentioning it to the nurses etc but no one seemed bothered. After my treatment I went to the gp, broke down crying and he refered me to an entry specialist. I had to wait 5 weeks for my 'urgent' appointment. Anyway the specialist stuck a camera up my nose and said definitely no cancer there - it was reflux. Most likely caused by anxiety. I was given gaviscon and omeprazole and within a week it was gone x
Hope that's reassured you a bit x
Hi! I'm on omeprazle and ranitidine. , had stomach ulcer before. Been taking for a week now and nothing. I do think it's the stress. I'm hoping I come out of this a stronger more confident person. My new saying is " whsts the worst that can happen" everytime something new happens or I'm scared to say something I know it can't be as scary as whas happening right now to me, and if I can get through cancer I can get through anything life throws at me.
(((((HUGS)))))
I am so sorry to hear how low you are feeling, especially on sunny weekends! But this will get better. Your treatment begins tomorrow and you can get to chat with all the other patients. You will find that you get tired easily so you have the perfect excuse for spending weekends in bed away from all those eejits who don't know what to say. You will settle into a new and rather comforting routine and you will probably make some nice new friends. Stay away from Facebook! If people are spending so much time Facebooking to tell the world how exciting their life is then it can't be that exciting in reality now can it!
And Don't feel guilty! There is no right or wrong way to have cancer.
Be lucky :-)
Tivoli
Thank you tiv. Feeling alot better today. Done way to much but keeps me occupied just paying for it now. So just relaxing in bed watching tv. All ready for the morning. X
