Hi everyone
My mum had an MRI on Thursday and the doctors are meeting tomorrow to discuss the results and decide what action to take.
My problem is my mum is very scared and seems to see the doctors as the bad guys! She refuses to phone them to see if they have any further information despite the fact she is now bleeding more heavily and is in pain she won't even see her GP (in fact because her GP called several days ago to see how she was doing and spoke about the possibility that the cancer could be incurible and suggested she get support and brought up the prospect of end of life care she doesn't want to talk to her anymore and stated she won't answer the phone if she calls again!)
i feel like I can't say anything to her but I find it very frustrating because the doctors are the people that can help and we've been left in this limbo for so long waiting for results ect that I think there should be answers and something being done. I wonder if I should contact her GP or the hospital but I suppose they won't talk to me because of confidentiality.
any advice?
Hi,
What a terribly difficult situation you find yourself in. I'm sure it is your mum's way of coping with the fear, almost like burying her head in the sand if you will. The truth is though that you don't know how bad it is until the scans are done- maybe it wasn't very helpful of the GP to say those things at this stage.
Has mum been allocated a cancer nurse specialist? Doctors/receptionists may not be too keen to speak with you but the CNS. It may be worth seeing if they can 'accidentally' bump into mum while there for her MRI today. Otherwise you could call a cancer support helpline for advice. I'm sure you're not the first person to have a stubborn parent.
She'll come round, she's scared and I think the older we get the less we want to know. I don't know how old mum is but the older generations don't seem to like to talk about these things. I'm 2 weeks into treatment now and my elderly nan won't talk about it at all. She just changes the subject. I think it's how she copes.
I hope you get the help you need and wish you the best of luck.
Rachel xx
Everything Rachel has just said :-)
Again everything above.
And hugs to you all as you go through this xx
Yes - everything Rachel and Tivoli said! It takes some time to come out of shock and starting to find positives. I have mixed feelings about doctors too and I work in health education and so I hear good and bad stories all the time. Plus such an intimate place to have cancer, feeling out of control, women can be so vulnerable. In a way the process is a slow one, tests, results, feeling that you have no control and the sheer terror of what Drs will tell you or do to you. I have a lot of empathy for her reaction, between you, me and the general public I would rather not go to my results meeting this PM and in a way am only doing it for my family. I know that is a bit crazy, but it's my fear showing itself. A nurse cis there a gynea cancer nurse, google might tell you) could be the perfect support., they would be happy to talk with you I think. Plus time. The waiting is horrid but the wheels of progress will be turning at the hospital and bit by bit you will both find your way of dealing with it. Lots of love, such a difficult time, glad you are here for support. Also some people report that calling Macmillan is great, and you might get a lot of benefit from this. Plus is there a helpline here? Xxx
Big hugs to you it must be a dufficult time. I would agree with all of the above re the shock and also I don't know how old your mum is but the older generation don't like going to doctors and I think fear is probably one of the reasons. Maybe could you speak to a close friend of hers and get her to have a chat. I know when my auntie was diagnosed she hated anything to do with cancer and she thought speaking to Macmillan nurse meant she would be going to the hospice. So maybe someone who cares for your mum but is a little bit removed from the situation could talk to her. Just a thought xxxx
Big hugs to you it must be a dufficult time. I would agree with all of the above re the shock and also I don't know how old your mum is but the older generation don't like going to doctors and I think fear is probably one of the reasons. Maybe could you speak to a close friend of hers and get her to have a chat. I know when my auntie was diagnosed she hated anything to do with cancer and she thought speaking to Macmillan nurse meant she would be going to the hospice. So maybe someone who cares for your mum but is a little bit removed from the situation could talk to her. Just a thought xxxx
Glad you found your way here....I'm the lady who replied to you on Mac forum. I know the docs/hospital won't talk to you but that doesn't stop you talking to them. They may be grateful to hear from someone as to why Mun has not returned/answered calls. One thing that is s very common feeling when diagnosed is a totak lack of control. Your mum may be controlling the situation (albeit by avoiding it) as a way of showing she still has some control over her life. X
Thank you - that breakdown of dates is great because the other thing I was worried about was that she was asked to do a PET scan as well as MRI and I was worried this was a sign of advanced cancer (that's what a lot of pages said online) They know it is cervical cancer and they know it has spread but they don't know where to.
also she had an MRI last week and they got the results and discussed them on Wednesday but aren't telling my mum anything until her appointment next Wednesday which I thing is ridiculous l. An entire week between them getting the results and giving them to her!
