I like I’m sure you all have, have found the whole cancer journey a rollercoaster.
We have such a close knit family and sometimes question whether this has always been a good thing especially when times are like this.
As a 41 year old daughter I knew for years something wasn’t right with my mum. Had to fall out with her to get her to see a Dr and then was confirmed she had a prolapse womb and cancer.
At first we were told it was treatable and after her operation, chemo and radiotherapy we were told the cancer had shrunk but they could not remove her lymphonodes and when doing an internal they could feel the nodules. My parents are very old school and do not want to ask any questions do not want to know. Whereas tbh I am the opposite. My mum has had her next scan and we are waiting for the results but has bad back pain and her paracetamol are not touching it and a swollen calf and ankle. They will not call anyone to get help just going to wait for her appointment in a few weeks time. I was naughty and called her consultants secretary to report it. The scary thing is that they were not bothered about her back pain just her swelling. She is on blood thinners as had a clot before. They said she needed to be seen and would call her. I had to beg them not to say I had called as I know my parents would just give me the silent treatment. They still haven’t called her.
I get so frustrated by them. I wish they would let me help them and do stuff to help themselves.
My dad is now getting tested for bowel cancer and I feel like I am going to break down. I have changed my job and hardly work now as the whole process has made me worried literally sick.
Writing this has helped. I’m not sure what I want from this post. But thank you for reading x
I’m afraid i don’t have much advice but didn’t want to ‘read and run’. I hope you can convince your mum to be more proactive, maybe even try and tell her how sick you are becominging with worry?
I’ve had horrendous lower back pain with my cancer, both before diagnosis and throughout treatment. However the pallative care team have been amazing and haven’t stopped until they found the right pain killer for me. I’m sure her CNS could refer her to their team for help (if she will accept it of course.)
I am stage 4 but originally diagnosed with stage 3 when i contacted the pallative care team. They explained they don’t just deal with terminal patients but anyone struggling with pain as that’s their area of expertise.
My consultant referred me but i did call them myself in the end as couldn’t wait a month for the appointment. They were fanastic and set me up a telephone call the following day and a face to face the week after. Had to try a few different pain killers but now nearly pain free most the time. Really hope your mum will speak to them as they will make life so much easier (and have more specialist knowledge than GPs).
It’s been very tough on my family but we’re very close and they are right behind me fighting this thing. We’ve agreed to be totally positive and determined to get through it.
I’ve always wanted to help people and I find it difficult to understand those don’t always seem inclined do more to improve their situation or even talk about it so I think I can empathise with your predicament. I’m now in my mid 60s and one of my favourite phrases is ‘you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink’. Plus there’s always the danger that if one tries too hard the other person stops listening altogether and then our efforts become counter-productive. Just a thought but as your Mum doesn’t want to call the oncology team about her pain might she be more comfortable making a timely GP appointment? - maybe just to rule out a blood clot?
My instinct right now is to give you a hug and encourage you to look after yourself. It’s good that you’ve reached out here and that you have found writing has helped. Feel free to post here as much as you need; there’s lots of us with various experiences to share. I’m also wondering if talking might help; you might wish to call Jo’s helpline or Macmillan are well resourced to support carers of those affected by cancer.
