the realisation of 'no more babies'

Hysterectomy is only 6 days away. no more babies. how do you get your head round it?

Hiya, I'm in the same boat, I'm 31 and booked in Wednesday for a radical hysterectomy and lymph node removal. I know I have children and im lucky to have them but its still a hard thing to come to terms with at such a young age. i know theres ladies out there with no children and they are in a much harder place than me right now, i don't feel I'm going through no where near as much as them, but it does feel strange x

Ah sorry to hear that. Wishing you all the best. Its a mix of guilt for those that are going through this and worse while never becoming a mum and just trying to get my head around it all. x

Hi 3Stars and Rebecca, 

It is difficult and to be honest, I don't think you do get your head around it - certainly not before your op anyway - my impression is that it's something that takes time to come to terms with. 

I am 39 years old and have a 9 year old daughter. She is our only child. I'll be completely honest with you, if I hadn't had cancer, it's very unlikely that I ever would have had another child. We were happy with just having one and I am happy building my career, so just wasn't on that page. Then I got cancer and was told I'd have to have a radical hysterectomy. All of a sudden, what I wanted more than anything in the world, was a baby. It was an actual ache. This confused me at first because I knew that pre-diagnosis, having another child was not on my agenda. However, I actually think I was missing the point a bit. If I hadn't had cancer, I think it's very unlikely that I ever would have had a baby, but the point is, that would have been MY choice. Not having another child would have been a decision made gradually, over a period of years, and therefore would have been a more natural thing, a kind of gradual acceptance and weighing up of life as it trundled on toward menopause. Then I was told I had cancer and that this choice, this gradual acceptance, would be taken away from me. And you know what, I don't even think it's necessarily to do with whether or not you want another baby - I think fertility is an incredibly important and emotive part of being a woman, and to have that taken away, out of your control, within a very short space of time because of a frightening disease, is a very distressing thing. 

All around me at the moment, people seem to be having babies, and I feel guilty because I am keeping my distance. I had a bit of a meltdown in the supermarket last week. It wasn't the usual one I go to so didn't really know the layout. I accidentally found myself in the sanitary products aisle. I just froze - my head started spinning - eventually I managed to turn around, only to be faced with nappies! Not a great moment. These are big things to lose, whether you would have had more children or not, and it's only natural that a grieving process has to be gone through for them. I had loads of people say to me, 'Oh great, you won't have to deal with periods anymore.' Well, right about now, I'd give just about anything to have a period again. It's the element of choice that makes the difference. It's just something that will take time, I think. 

Also, I don't think you should feel guilty about feeling as you do, simply because there are other women going through this who don't have children. That's awful and very sad for them and that must be something that's very hard to come to terms with, but it doesn't take anything away from your situations and it doesn't mean you don't have a right to feel upset about the loss of your fertility. 

These are massive things to come to terms with, so will take quite some time I think. 

Love, Annabel. x

Hey ladies I completely understand what you all mean! I thought it was just me and constantly feel guilty for the longing I have for another baby knowing that I was lucky to have my son b4 my hysterectomy. I got a radical hysterectomy and removal of lymph nodes when I was 22 and at the time didn't bother me as I just wanted rid of the cancer and my son was only 1year old. I am now feeling a loss because he is now 7 and I think naturally this is when I would of planned my 2nd child to come along and all my friends and family are now having 2nd, 3rd and 4th babies. I feel my son misses out on not having a sibling because I came from a large family of 9 children. He just looks so alone. I wish now I had asked about storing eggs b4 my op but at that time my thoughts were so far away from babies. I'm now 28 and still not over the fact that my decsion on how many children I will have was not mine to make while people out there have 5 babies and they all end up in care!

Fiona xx

Yes i know what you all mean. I know im very lucky i have a 4, 2 year old and 7 month old and due to radiotherapy i will not be able to have anymore. 

We alaways wanted 4 and kept everything from my first and even keeping things my new born has grown out of, but now knowing that i will have to get rid off it all is upsetting.

 

i think its the same for anyone who has or does not have any that its the not been your choise thats the hardest thing to deal with.

 

it will be hard to come to tems with but please try to think that there are other ways round not having children yourself.

sending you lots of hugs in this diffult situation 

xxxxx

 

Ah sorry to hear that. Wishing you all the best. Its a mix of guilt for those that are going through this and worse while never becoming a mum and just trying to get my head around it all. x

Hi Annabel,
Your post really struck a chord with me. I was diagnosed last week with stage 1b cancer and am now grappling with the decision to make between hysterectomy and trachelectomy to keep my uterus for a potential 4th and final baby. We weren’t trying when I got my diagnosis, but I had hoped we could take our time and see what happened. I’m 38 now and it was a stressful time trying for our 3rd baby who isn’t yet 2 years old. I wasn’t ready to make the call on whether I had finished with babies and I’m not ready now, but I have to give an answer in 2 weeks. It’s all I can think about, particularly in the evenings. It feels like such a luxury to have the option of trachelectomy and also to have 3 children, but the decision is just impossible right now, and there’s really no going back.
I wonder if anyone else has faced this choice and how they managed to make it.
Love to all xx