Hi I have literally just been told I have 2b CC. They want to give me a hysterectomy (possibly saving ovaries so I can continue to produce eggs) alongside chemoradiotherapy. I’m 33 and we were trying for a baby. Now I’m devastated that I will not be able to have my own child naturally.
I’m so scared right now. I’m putting on a brave face and telling everyone that I’m being positive - which I am to an extent. But the reality of not being able to be a ‘true’ mummy is really upsetting me.
My husband is being fantastic but all he had ever wanted is to be a daddy and I know this is absolutely devastating for him too.
To be honest I feel worse about being infertile than I do about having cancer if that makes sense.
They have mentioned surrogacy by IVF and both my sister & cousin have already very kindly offered to do this for us. But I just hate being in this situation.
I’m worried about so many things. The whole process over the next few months, the effect it will have on my marriage, sex life. Then there’s work - how long will I need to take off, how will my employer react with me being off for a long time. Financial implications - we don’t have any life insurance. Etc so many things going through my head and I don’t want to keep going over it with my husband/family because I don’t want them to dread talking to me.
I haven’t slept all night just been researching various things, treatments etc. I have asked for a second opinion on fertility and they are referring me to the Royal Marsden but my dr said that they are likely to say the same re: treatment.
Sorry for rambling… Has anyone been in similar situation? Any advice? Thank you in advance xx
You really are in a horrible place just at the moment. I can completely understand that you are more upset about losing your fertility than you are about having cancer. I expect your husband is terrified just now. You need to focus on getting past the cancer and making sure that both you and your husband have the emotional support you need. The sex life, the employer, the surrogacy can all just wait a while.
Ask as many questions here as pop into your head, there's loads of us here ready to help you in whatever way we can. Please, stay away from Google, it's not your friend at the moment.
I'm sorry about your diagnosis, it is devastating but it does get a very small bit easier every day as you come to terms with it and wrap your head around the fact that your life plan will change. It does not mean that your life is destroyed, you just have to reposition yourself within it.
I am currently in exactly the same situation as you. I started my fertility injections last night, it wasn't so bad. If you have relatives willing to carry your baby, take the offer. It will still be your baby Leanne. 100%. If you want to be a mother, you will be.
And don't feel you have to put on a brave face. It's ok to fall apart a bit. You'll be put back together again by the people you love, that's their job. This is a tough time, I know. I am a week and a half post-diagnosis and have had to make decisions I never thought would be put in front of me. It's scary. But is is all doable.
Harvest your eggs, make some embryos and know that when you're ready, they'll be there for you to make your baby. It'll be more unconventional but the love will be the same.
After you've done that you will feel less scared and more ready for treatment.
Hi I'm sorry I didn't realise anyone had replied. Thank you for your kind words. I think it's just re-assuring that you really do know exactly how I feel. I'm in for a cone biopsy tomorrow morning so I'll re-visit the site in a few days.
I'm in a very very similar situation to you, although kind of the other side of treatment now.
I was diagnosed with Cervical cancer in June 2014 and underwent a trachelectomy in August as I was very keen to preserve my fertility. Sadly this proceedure wasn't entirely a success and in order to reduce the likelihood of the cancer returning I had to have a hysterectomy in October 2014. I have retained my ovaries as I'm 32 and didn't particularly want to go into menopause!
I've dipped in and out of this site over the last 19 months or so, and I'm sure you will find your own ways to cope. After the shock of the diagnosis and the flooding of feelings all linked to what you have described, I chucked myself into planning our wedding this year, so I didn't really stop and think at all. After the excitement of that was over, I think I've crashed a bit. The reality of the situation we find ourselves in can feel impossible and grossly unfair. My husband is a wonderful human, and he's totally been a rock through this, he also desperately wants to be a parent so I know how hard this has been on him too. We're going to look at IVF and surrogacy in a year or so when I'm emotionally robust enough, our challenges will be about finding a surrogate.
But I just wanted to share with you, that this week I had an awful day on Sunday about all of it and Matthew just reminded me that there are so many children out there who need to be loved, and if surrogacy doesn't work, we can adopt, or foster or both. I have always said 'what if it's not the same' He pointed out that any child who comes into our family will be ours and will be loved. This really helped me. He also said that he didn't marry me for my womb, and that me being alive, and healthy is far more important than anything else. I am sure your husband would echo that.
Your mind is going to be doing overtime at present, and there are so many things to think about, I would just say, try to break it down into manageable amounts. This surgery is a big deal and the emotional side is taxing. Give yourself the time and the space to handle it in whatever way you see fit. After I got diagnosed we drank a lot of wine and ate a lot of pizza for a couple of weeks. I certainly had longer than six weeks off work, so please don't rush back, I know that there might be financial implications for you but your well-being is way way more important.
I may not have made much sense, or offered any particular nuggest of wisdom, but you can do this and you will get through, it's treatable and beatable.
thank you for sharing your story. Congratulations on your wedding. Both you and your husband sound amazing. I can't imagine how hard it is for our loved ones particularly our husbands to go through this. I know I would feel so helpless. I keep saying that it is 'our cancer' not 'mine' because it is affecting his life just as much as mine. I don't think our partners get enough credit sometimes. It must be so so hard for them. Today my hubby has gone back to work it was really hard for him but I told him to try pretend that this is not even happening and try to stay focused on work. But I know this is easier said than done.
We have been together 16 years and everything was just falling into place we were planning on having one last big holiday in Asia over Christmas (which we officially cancelled yesterday & lost a lot of money). Next year we were planning on selling our flat and buying a house, and of course starting a family (we have been trying for almost 2years). I know this could all still happen but I feel like it's not just having cancer it's everything else that goes alongside it that gets affected. If I'd had been diagnosed with another sort of cancer it wouldn't have affected my fertility which makes me hate CC even more!
I'm sorry to hear that the trachelectomy didn't go to plan, this is one of the options I was hoping to have as on Monday when I had the cone biopsy the consultant said he is unsure if I am 1b1 or 2b, everything is relying on the PETCT scan on Friday. It's just a waiting game now.
I called to chase the fertility clinic yesterday as my GP apparently made an urgent referral on 6th Nov. They were quite rude to me and I had to explain myself 3 times to the point I got upset at having to repeat myself. I just think it's tough enough going through this without having more hurdles put in our way.
As you say I know I have to take it day by day but at the moment I just feel like I've been knocked sideways snd the waiting for results is what is affecting me the most because I'm not sure exactly what options I have until we get the clear results.
Sorry if I've waffled on but I just wanted to say thank you to you all for your support it really does make me feel better to speak with people who REALLY know how I am feeling although I am sorry that you are in this situation too.
We're not amazing, just two idiots who are really fond of each other - but thank you for the compliment! You're right, it is very very hard for partners and our families. I don't think they quite know what to do to support us, and they're dealing with their own fear at the same time. Your husband might well appreciate the normality of going back to work...mine did. We also tried really hard to have 'cancer/baby free days' where we promised not to talk about it, this didn't always work but it did feel like we were taking back some control.
You're absolutely right, the waiting around for results is one of the worst parts - try and do other things that will distract you, even if it only lasts a couple of hours.
You're welcome to send me a private message if there's anything you want to ask, I'm pretty open!
I just wanted to echo what everyone has said. I totally understand the anger and sadness - as if having cc wasn't enough we get lumped with infertility too. It's just not right! I'm 30 and have started hrt after my treatment. I'm starting counselling soon and I am hoping that will help. Preserving anything wasn't an option for me - it wasn't mentioned by my consultant and I didn't ask as I knew surrogacy just wasn't an option for us, but what was said about adoption is so true!
Focus on getting better and then worry about everything else - if you try and solve it all at once it is far too big of a problem.
Thank you for your messages. I'm in quite a bad place emotionally at the moment. I have been informed that it is likely I will have to have a hysterectomy followed by chemo/radiotherapy, rather than the trachelectomy (which gives me the option of keeping my womb).
My husband and I were already trying for a family and this is absolutely devastating news to me - I haven't told my husband yet. We will go ahead with fertility treatment to freeze embryo's and potentially look at surrogacy options. But I am just heartbroken at the moment.
I'm generally feeling quite suffocated by my friends and family who have been amazing and so supportive but I'm having the same conversations over & over again. Then some are implying that I should be doing more to get answers quicker etc but my hands are tied and we can't afford to pay private for anything.
I love my husband so much and he has been so amazing but I can't help but feel inadequate as a wife because I can't give him what he really wants - his own child. I know he loves me and I am his main priority but I feel that if he went on to meet someone else he could have his own child. My dreams are already shattered. I know this is not what he would want but it's how I'm feeling right now.
I'm normally such a happy go lucky person I feel like this stupid thing has taken over my whole personality.
I don't want to push anyone away but I just feel like hibernating at the moment.
Has anyone heard of or had any other forms of treatment that means you can keep your womb? I did some research and came across something called the cyber knife... Has anyone had this?
Sorry for being so negative today I'm not normally liked this I promise!!
LillyAnnie I am so sorry I haven't been back on here for a bit!
it is totally understandable that you're in a bad place emotionally - it's allowed! You probably will be for a while. Never apologise for how you are feeling or for coming on here to vent - we all do it and everyone understands. Probably the only people who really can!
can you explain to family and friends that you don't want to talk about it? I did. I was also probably quite ar*ey with people so they stopped!!!
Your husband loves you for you, he didn't marry you for any other reason. I know it is easy to say, and I've had the same thoughts and still do - but please be kind to yourself. Talk to him.
do you know when you will find out your treatment plan? I don't want to be the bad messenger, but if you have to have radiotherapy. (Regardless of hysterectomy or trach) your ovaries will be affected and therefore infertile. I wish there was a better way to say it, but that's what happened to me And the situation I am in now. Obviously speak with your consultant. One lady on here had her ovaries moved out of the way, so she could potentially use the eggs in the future.
(I've just come back to edit this as i'm sure it doesn't read how it was meant but I can't figure out what to say and i'm tired,sorry)
Hiya, thanks for message. Don't worry about what you wrote, you are right - it is just the way it is and I know I have to find a way of accepting it. Yesterday was probably the hardest day of my life. I will have to have a hysterectomy but similar to the lady you mentioned they are going to try to move my ovaries although there is no guarantee that this will work.
We also went to the fertility clinic and today we start the process to have embryos frozen.
I haven't been sleeping much but I'm frightened to take any medication as I don't want to prevent myself from creating any potential eggs!
Im on such a tight time frame with everything so I just hope that I have some kind of luck with regard to is fertility process.
My husband is still being great about everything, and Indo appreciate all of the love and support from family and friends I suppose there will just be good days and down days.
