Post hysterectomy i don't feel the same anymore

Relationships
1

Hi I don't know if I just need to get things off my chest or if I'm looking for people who have felt the same but I just feel a bit lost atm. 

in december 2016 biopsy from colposcopy found stage 1a1 cancer. I went to the consultation with my sister and when I got home I told my partner the results and broke down crying. I got no hug just a 'it'll be ok' response. Further appointment in Jan 2017 confirmed the lletz had removed the cancer but that I could have a hysterectomy if I wished. I'd try and discuss with my partner and all i'd get was, 'it's up to you'. I agreed to the op and was booked in for 25/2/17. All went well and partner visited the 2 days I was in but literally only stayed 15-20mins both days. On returning home he did nothing but moan about having to do chores and look after the kids and moan that he was tired despite his mum and aunt doing most of the work. He'd snap at me and the kids constant. The help only lasted 2 weeks and I was having to do as much as I could to stop us living in a pig sty. He never really helped pre op and it seemed he was helping less now. I've begged for help, had melt downs from being too overwhelmed with doing so much when so unfit yet he just shrugs it off and tells me to stop nagging. I ended up back in hospital with a severe migraine that caused stroke symptoms and he was more bothered about having to deal with the kids alone again. I've just had my 6 months post op vault smear and am obviously worried about the results and may have been a bit shorter then usual when I'm getting no help at home (he works 3 days a week so I don't see why he can't help on his days off) he turned round and said 'I hope you get your results soon as you're a right bitch when you're waiting'. I do love him but right now only for the fact he's given me 2 beautiful boys. I just don't feel like I want to be with him anymore. It's like I'm a single parent anyway so I may as well be and not have a grown up to clean after on top of everything else. I just don't know what to do, I'm depressed with the relationship but after he had depression and some suicidal thoughts  a couple of years back I don't want to hurt him in ending it. I feel stuck 

2

Hi Hun,

 

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this without the full support of your partner.  After reading your story - I can only comment on what I've read - and I think it's about time you put yourself first don't you think?  I've been the opposite - my partner has been very supportive, but I think if he was like yours it would open my eyes.  I know people react in different ways, but they're bot just "your kids" they are both "your kids" and the housework...etc should be shared anyway!  He sounds like a spoilt mummy's boy to me (sorry).  If you truly are not "in love" with him then I do think splitting up would be for the best.  Staying with someone out of pity is not good for you, him or the children.  

Hope I havent been too blunt :)

3

Hey

I know it's not the same situ but this reminds me of my Uncle. His wife done everything and when she fell ill with meningitis she had to stay in hospital for a while. 

He basically had a melt down. a, because he had to start doing chores around the house (although my Mum actually ended up doing it because of his moaning) and b, the attention wasn't on him. He was such a child about it all and really threw his toys out of the pram. He did this so that people would pay attention to him rather than my auntie.

Perhaps this is the case as well? 

It could also be that he doesn't know how to deal with things very well. He might not be acknowledging anything that's going on because then he doesn't have to deal with it.

Life is too short to put up with a rubbish partner! Talk to him and try and get him to open up. Maybe ask him how he was feeling through your treatment?