I had my annual pap done in August, 6 weeks after my emergency pre-term c-section with my final child. I'm 24 and have been getting pap smears since I first got married and became sexually active at 17, and everything was always clear. During exams I was told I had a "beautiful cervix". I got a call saying the doctor noted lesions on the cervix and the smear came back abnormal, classified me as having high grade dysplasia. I was so confused. I've never heard of anything related to cervical abnormalities. It took until October 23rd for them to fit me in for a colp and biopsy. And of course, in that time I have been stressing, obsessing, researching, praying, beating myself up. The doctor, of course, is out of the office Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. So he said Tuesday (tomorrow) at the latest, I should be hearing results and what the next step will be.
I haven't opened up to people about what's going on, I don't like to talk about things unless I know for sure there's a problem. My husband isn't upset with me for worrying but he just keeps saying I shouldn't because everything is going to be okay. It's not even necessarily death I am scared of? It's the idea of, if it's cancer, requiring treatments that put me out of comission for any considerable amount of time that I fear. I have 5 children 5 and under. I do not get the luxury of rest or time off. I'm not allowed to just be sick, or injured, or under-the-weather, or anything. My final child was born 6 weeks early because I could not get anyone to help when I was prescribed bed rest. I don't have strong support systems, people didn't take my baby's health seriously enough to help me out so she could gestate longer and avoid the NICU, and I can't imagine me having a cancer most likely caused by an STI would evoke any support either. I feel ashamed, no matter how much I read about how common HPV is. I don't know if I really want to tell anyone if it turns out to be serious.
I'm putting the cart waaaay before the horse, I know. I just haven't had a place or chance to talk about it and I've been sitting on the stresses since the call on August 14th. I'm emotionally exhausted and just want an answer. And after the C-section healing finished, I've been cramping 70-80% of the day each day, bleeding after intercourse, heavy soak-a-super-tampon-in-an-hour mid-cycle bleeding, intense fatigue. My periods haven't changed from what I'm used to, but the other issues are highly abnormal for me.