I messed up with my man ..or he with me :-(

Recently diagnosed with cervical cancer
1

Hi!I I'm new here.

1½ weeks ago after telling my man news I I had TOTAL melt down and because I couldn't seem to accept not just cold, hard, money grubbing doctors (who, to be quite honest, I believe exaggerate as where I live, majority of income made from chemo drugs...I've NO trust in them) but also that the gynecologist that did the D&C & Colposcopy at same time really butchered my cervix.  He couldn't take off work to take me to hospital so I had to get this news of cancer all alone.  It's the worst thing one can ever hear.  Yet I was alone.

I called him when I got home and he was nice but I think he's just in denial.  I told him when we first became intimate that I'd had "minor" cervical cancer 26 years ago as it was obvious from the bleeding something was off.  I've not allowed a man "in" intimately physically or emotionally in over 10 years now.  So I thought bleeding could POSSIBLY be from that as I'm quite "tight".  I kinda sorta thought might be more than such as I was a DES baby and, as stated, had "mini cancer" of cervix 26 years ago 

SOOO...next morning I was bleeding and it went on and on and on.  He claims he didn't know I was having surgery else would have been there (UM...what person with braincells shows up at a surgical center at 5:30 in the morning EXCEPT perhaps someone having surgery?).

Anyway, emotions totally out of control I texted him an entire encyclopedia of nastiness.  I wasn't nice at all.  VERY antagonist and passive aggressive all mixed in.

Two weeks ago he adored me.  Two days ago he's "out of tow.  Will call you when I get back.  Don't try to call me".

I TOLD him the NIGHT before that surgery just mentioned, crying back tears, that I love him very much and if I'm diagnosed in morning I want him to just move on and be happy (as I'm not doing traditional treatment).  I was likely too emotional to understand.

 

I don't know if he's avoiding me (ignoring, more accurately) because of cancer or because I threw at poop storm of very mean texts at him as I was so very upset that he was so aloof over surgery.

He KNEW it was surgery.  There's no way he couldn't have.  I texted him that morning with emergency phone numbers in case I dropped dead from anthesthetic (my dog's breeder,  etc).

I think people can go very deep in denial OR show their true colors.

I just couldn't contain the hurt anymore.

It might be good time to mention he was leaving a girlfriend in June and when he tried to she went into some coronary attack and had to have a quadruple bypass.  She knew she had heart issues for years prior and hate to think she put a timer on when to make it a big issue BUT (sorry, not sorry).  He stood by her every step of the way but now he's still stuck there and miserable.  Almost lost his job over taking time off to go by her in 2 week hospital stay.  

He knew, from my bleeding, something was wrong prior to that and was pushing me to get it taken care of of so we could start a life together.

Real bad timing.  Bad summer.

 

Any advice would be appreciated 

cry

 

2

I am sorry you got that diagnosis, and you had to do it alone. 

You probably won't like this, but by the sound of this he has a very busy messy situation going on. And if there is another woman (whether he is happy with her or not), you will need people around you that can truely be there for you. He may love you but between his job and the other woman (and her health problems), he clearly hasn't got the capacity to take in what you are going through, your reactions, or feelings and you deserve more than that right now. 

Have you got any family close to you or good friends. You need to surround yourself with people like that while you go on this journey. Having people you can 100% rely on, for appointments and general support will make things that much easier to deal with. 

I really hope everything goes well from here on out. 

3

Stephanie Louise,

Thank you for your honest reply.  I've no family and while of a very outgoing personality, it's kind of just for show.  I'm pretty much a loner who hates being alone...I know, a unique character.

He still claims to love me and is adamant that we will be together no matter what.  I DO believe him but, as you say, he IS overwhelmed.

He and I nearly broke up as he doesn't understand why I've turned into a crazy little B but I think he's trying to.  I'm quite ashamed of how I'll go off on him in texts, never to his face or ear, in texts it's like I've become demon possessed.  This cancer stuff DOES do something quite unsavory to one's state of mind and rationality 

Since that post I've had all the imaging done and it's pushing to my bladder.  Started cervically and moved to uterus (they speculate) so surgery not option.  To be honest, I don't think I'll proceed with chemo or radiation as not only has the whole thing gotten financially insane but I know without surgery the stem cells migrate to other organs and ALWAYS reintroduce themselves.

I know it sounds terrible but maybe God just decided to put me on the recall list.  I cannot imagine one cancer after another after another, as I've seen with great frequency.  I do not BELIEVE oncologists when they say "cured" (not without excision of tumor, that is).  It's actually impossible given the stem cells.  Only surgery can actually CURE the issue.

I'm pretty much on my own here.  I'm not going to push him to be with me and hold my hand through horrible things.  I really love him and want his happiness.  It stinks but what can I do?  Be glad I didn't die suddenly as sometimes people do.  I have time to make amends.

BTW, since the D&C and Hysteroscopy in August I kept becoming very ill and ASSUMED it was either psychosomatic or just healing as I'd been in doctor's offices about 2x a week since. NOPE...I had severe infections due to surgery (dumb surgeon gave no profilactic antibiotics) and I became so ill I couldn't stand up.  They put it on electronic chart, which of course I didn't sit around on a cell phone looking for, instead of calling me or telling me in person.  

Just got on antibiotics and narcotic pain killers yesterday as I was just about giving up.  All because no one told me I had developed sepsis AND they didn't tell me I had sutures in my cervix.  I lack the enzyme which enables one to dissolve self dissolving sututes SO my entire cervix bunched up and gave me screaming pain and an odor and dyscharge that would scare monsters away.  UNBELIEVABLE!    

Medical professionals have become greedy and lazy as is evident in that out of SIX doctors since then, they phoned on prescriptions but I couldn't figure out what they were for and my calls went unreturned.

It makes me quite fearful to trust anything they say 

Tomorrow's a new day, though.  I'm going to try to at least smile and squeak some happiness out of whatever I have left.

cool

4

 "I know without surgery the stem cells migrate to other organs and ALWAYS reintroduce themselves."

NOT TRUE!

There are loads and loads of women on this forum who have been entirely cured of cancer without surgery.

Be lucky :-)
Tivoli