First post and just reading some of the lovely posts on here has helped.
I am 46 and in my early 40s had a really badly handled smear test and result - I had BV but the doctors called me saying it was “urgent” that I came in “immediately” - I was convinced (during my three hour wait) I had cancer and was dying - I thought back then the smear checked for cancer.
Although that smear was absolutely fine, as had the ones before it, I missed my next smear through simple fear. I completely ostrich-ed it.
So after six months of agonising, I finally had a smear done last week. I went private because the waiting time for results here is around 8 weeks and I couldn’t handle that - it’s about a week to ten days private. And they call to give you the results so not lying by the letter box.
Today is a week. Although not really as there was the bank holiday. I know that the speed of results doesn’t mean anything.
But my health anxiety is going absolutely crazy. I am finding it so difficult to deal with. I have PTSD and anxiety from other stuff, and some really awful previous gynae history from when I had a bartolithyn cyst and was used as a “teaching case” (the gynae did a full, rough, internal exam in front of about ten students - I’ve never felt quite the same about my vagina since.
The nurse doing the smear told me my cervix looked fine, but I may have BV or thrush from what she could see (they’ll tell me when they call) - Im not worried about that as it’s just antibiotics.
Im just so scared waiting. My usual coping mechanisms are Headspace (not working) and I do have Valium (prescribed) which slightly takes the edge off but there’s no one I can talk to.
My husband just tells me “you’ll be fine, you have no symptoms, and even if you’re not, we have insurance”, and of my two best friends, one is on a yearly check so I feel I can’t “bother” her, and the other has gone through stage 4 of a different cancer and a family death, so I don’t want to “bother” her with what I know sounds like petty whining compared to the multiple surgeries she’s gone through.
At 46 I’m far too old for this kinda stuff but trying to buck myself up isn’t working. Has anyone got any advice please?