Hey!
I have my results comeing up soon. I have stage 3 cervical cancer. Ive had 5 chemo 25 radio and 3 sessions of brachytherapy. And honestly i was fine until brachy.
I know thats its brilliant technology and its the best thing for me but afterwards i cant help but feel violated. Thats nothing to do with staff. All the nurses and doctors have been incredible and very supportive throught this whole process.
But you get to a point with cervical canver when, as awful as it sounds, so many people have seen/treated your private areas that now i feel defected and as agressive as it sounds, i feel like ive been violated.
Does anyone else feel like this? I feel so unwomanly and defectant that i just dont know how to get back to my old self? The menopause doesnt help either. I think its because i dont know anyone whos had cervical cancer so ive not been able to talk to anyone about it.
Does anyone have advice on now they started to feel like there normal self? Because right now i just feelike a cancer patient rather than normal self.
Big hugs fo everyone. And thank you for any replies xx’xx
Hi Lolly,
Sending massive hugs to you. Really sorry to hear how you are feeling. I have been through the same treatment, I am very lucky, I didn’t feel the way you do - but I completely understand. There are lots of lovely things you can do that might take the edge off - treat yourself, but my main advice for dealing with this would be counselling. You can access it for free, really talking to a professional will help. You deserve this attention and whilst your feelings have been triggered by the beachy therapy, your entire self has been put through one hell of a trauma - mind and body. This may be a reaction to all of it. I recognise a fellow ‘braveface’ it’s time to quietly acknowledge what you’ve been through and let someone else take the strain. Sending more hugs.
I’m on week two of treatment and deeply dreading my brachy sessions for all the reasons you’ve outlined. I’m also a SA survivor and all of these intrusive pelvic exams are…not fun, to say the least. It’s a real trigger, and partly the reason I’m in this boat in the first place, which is apparently common. Sigh. My care team is pretty exceptional though, and I’m touring the brachy room and equipment next week to help mentally prepare, and they have coordinated a counseling session for me prior to this treatment, with the option to have that person in the room with me during treatment, to help avoid PTSD, which can be a very real side effect. I’m very thankful that they care.
But it doesn’t help where you are at, and I’m sending hugs from a few thousand miles away. All I can hope is that you are able to reach out for help from counseling or therapy if you can at all, to help process the violation feelings. You’re not alone.
Hi Lolly,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Brachytherapy is amazing at what it achieves but it can be rough, and speaking to others who’ve had it, we all have different experiences.
I felt very much the same as you after I’d had mine. What I found the most helpful was speaking to someone about how I felt, and counselling really helped me figure out how to process it all.
Try to be gentle with yourself lovely, you’ve been through a lot. 
Always around if you want to chat.
sending big hugs xxx
