Feeling sorry for myself

Sorry to vent to you all but I don't know where else to turn. I'm 16 months on after TLVH and I am feeling a bit alone. Other than my 6 monthly consultations I have had no contact with anyone from my oncology team. At 34 I had a hysterectomy for cc and have been left infertile. To add to it I can no longer face intimacy of any kind with my husband for fear of pain, bleeding, and General fear. I have tried psycho-sexual counselling but it didn't help. my family have dismissed my cancer as a non event due to the death of my dad 2 Months after my op. I feel completely alone and adrift. Any ache or pain in my lower abdomen terrifies me. Sorry to whinge but I fear if I don't I may go mad.

Oh sweetheart I know exactly where you are coming from. Always feel free to come and chat with us here if you find that helps. I have managed to get away with the 'no more intimacy with the husband' thing because I'm old enough to get away with it but I'd like to think that at your age there should be some hope? Is it worth trying a different counsellor in case a different angle works?

Sending you the biggest hug in the world




Thank you Tivoli. I had such a bad experience with the counsellor its put me off seeing one. 

Hi honey,

I would defo try another counsellor.It's such a personal thing,finding

somebody you can relate too.I have had a couple who were not for me

but the lady I see now is amazing.

Keep trying like Tivoli say's if you both still want to be sexually active keep

trying to find soloutions.

My husband and I don't have sex but we are very affectionate,it works for us

and thats where the counsellor will help you to find a soloution that works for

you both.

Sex is 90% brain 10% body........

I hope it all works out for you.

Take care

Becky x

Oh grief!

I once had a counsellor who was so bad I had her struck off! Really! Shockingly bad. I had another one who was utterly, utterly fantastic, completely turned my life around. Do keep trying to find a good one, it really is a life-changer.

Another great big hug


Be lucky


That's how I feel too. Actually sometimes I feel as if having sex is eventually going to get me killed...Hopefully I will heal and come round..

For the time being we are doing some things only to my husbands pleasure. I think he deserves it :)

I'm alone too...truly alone.

No husband to not have sex with. I would think maybe some snuggling...sex is for you as well. Maybe try not to make a deal over it...if you feel like trying it, great, if you dont...well tomorrow is another day. You can't be blamed for not wanting to bleed or be in pain. 

It was cancer, not a cold...it was kind of a big deal. 

Hope you feel better soon.


I know a lovely woman who's husband had prostate cancer. When he was diagnosed her comment was "We are sick" She understood perfectly that if one half of a couple is out of sexual condition then they both are. And the good news is that he did get better and his oncologist has said to him "Go away and don't ever come back" :-)

(((((Group Hug)))))