When I was in hospital, the lady in the bed next to me was recovering from a total pelvic exenteration and so I have some small idea of how traumatic it must be. Well done for getting this far and being mostly positive. You sound pretty amazing to me x
Anyway, it doesn't matter how long ago it was; you're dealing with the after effects of your treatment every day. I think we're all grateful to be alive (that's kind of a background feeling, don't you think?), but we're still likely to be up and down dealing with the day to day realities.
So, you're allowed to feel down - after all you've been through you'd be some kind of megaweirdo not to have times when it gets to you. Being strong all the time is exhausting. The question is how to deal with it, so that you can move forward. I say not beating yourself up for being human is a start and finding some support to listen if you need to talk about it.
Friends and family are great but they don't always understand, especially if it seems ancient history to them (it isn't, by the way). Maybe you have a Jo's Trust or other cancer support group in your area you could pop along to? Otherwise, maybe it's worth considering some counselling? It can be really helpful to get things off your chest, especially if you've been holding stuff in for a long time. Or just come and have a rant on here - we can take it :)
Be good to yourself Julie, you deserve it. xxxx