Hi
just wondering if anyone has tried counselling I started two weeks ago as I wanted help moving forward from the diagnosis and to talk about infertility, also I havent told many about my cancer not even work collegues and I would like to be able to talk about the cancer without getting teary and emotional etc. but im finding it very difficult as the counsellor wants me to open up about my past and I feel this is going backward instead of forwards I really dont see what talking about a crappy relationship I was in over ten years ago is relevant when I have so much going on at present , really want to stop going my stomach is in butterflies just thinking about the session I dread it…but at the same time need help to move forward has anyone else had this experience?
thanks
Hello. I go every week and feel it's helped save my life. My advise to you is to trust in the process. It may seem your councillor is wanting you to talk about what you feel are irrelevant things, but to help you move forward, they have to help you understand your past. In my experience councilling is hard work. You go to some dark places but my goodness it's worth it! I am stronger and more able to cope with everything. Stick with it and I truly hope you get as much benefit from it as I do. Anna xx
Hi Siom:
I had counselling after my hysterectomy back in May and went for several sessions. I am much older than you so wasn't concerned about the loss of fertility; I was having trouble handling the not knowing if, or when, the CC would return. Plus i felt differently about things, including friends who hadn't been supportive and I wanted to try and work through how I felt about life post diagnosis. My oncologist recommended someone so I saw her. She only deals with people who have been diagnosed with cancer.
I found her helpful, mostly. She compared the diagnosis with loss and told me to expect the stages of grief that come with any loss: denial, anger, bargaining, can't remember the others, and then finally acceptance. It did help to talk and have an understanding ear. We didn't get into any of my past, except when we touched on relationships with family and how they had supported/not supported/helped etc.
This talking stuff is supposed to help you. If you're dreading it, the therapist is not right for you. You sure as shit don't need extra crap right now. Could you see someone else? It will make you feel better and it will help you move on, if you have the right person.
For what it's worth, you may well be a weepy mess right now - I would cry at any damn thing for what seemed like ages and you're dealing with much bigger stuff - but it does get easier and better. Actually scrap that. I am in no position to tell you that it gets better, because I haven't had to deal with the loss of fertility, and it's ridiculous of me to try and pretend I know how you feel. Hopefully, someone will jump on who has been in the same position and who can reassure you.
Take care
love t xx
Hi Siom :-)
Really valid arguments here from both Anna and Teresa. I found a great counsellor who worked with Macmillan, a specialist cancer counsellor and she totally turned my world around. The method she used was called CBT. Before I found her I went for one session with a very dangerous woman who tried to convince me that I had caused my own cancer by turning anger against myself. You will be happy to know I had her struck off the register but there are some very strange people out there and you do need to be certain you are working with the right counsellor.
It's possible that your counsellor is trying to find out how you deal with things, whether you face them head on and deal with them or brush them under the carpet and bottle them up. Whether there are any outstanding issues that you haven't dealt with fully yet and whether this is having a negative effect on your self-esteem. It's impossible for us to tell you if you have a good or bad counsellor but you shouldn't be walking out of a sesion feeling worse than when you walked in.
Hope that helps
Be lucky :-)
Tivoli
Sometimes it's hard getting the right counsellor. I've been really lucky mine is great, I instantly felt relaxed with her. Maybe you could see about changing to another counsellor? Good luck xx
Hi, when I was going through my treatment I was so poorly my doctor thought my cancer had gone terminal as I am advanced - luckily I hadnt! But as I didn't react to being diagnosed my sister was with me she reacted for me screamed, cried, ran out the room and then couldn't breathe....me? I asked what treatment I would get and how soon I didnt cry until I was on my own and I didn't have the 'breakdown' until 6 months later....but as I didnt show emotion she recommended that i saw a physiologist to see if I was ok as she was worried about me. I went and I talked mainly about my mother who has mental health issues and the fact that she wasn't the mother I needed when growing up as she wouldn't take her medication and I had to bring uo my sister when I was 8 and she was 7....he helped me understand why I felt that I didn't need anyone and that I always deal with things on my own....I came out and felt like a weight had been lifted a weight I have carried for the last 22 years.
i have gone through a lot since my cancer diagnosis and have recently had a stoma bag fitted due to my cancer causing a hole in my bladder and this has made me plunge deeper into depression so when I feel strong enough I will be going back to councilling as some days I'm not strong enough and the darkness pull feels too much....
going over old ground will feel like you've been stripped but trust me it's a journey you go through it helps to rid of all the anger and hatred that your carrying but may not know it. If you can keep with it it does work! Antidepressants only mask the issue and talking to family doesn't help in anyway - not with my family anyway cx
Hi.
I've done a lot of counselling training. With that comes having a lot of counselling!
One size does not fit all.
There are many different counselling theories and methodologies. Wanting to hear about your past is partly to draw parallels between tricky situations in the past and how you dealt with them, then finding links with how you deal with your current situation.
Dont be afraid to tell them that you feel its Unnecessary,and makes you uncomfortable, the counselling relationship works best when feeling about it are honestly aired.
Heres an analogy. inagine you have fallen out of a boat and are drowning. CBT will put you back in the boat. Other methods will work out why you were in the boat in the first place, why you fell out, how to get back in, and how to prevent falling out again. Simplistically put CBT is quick fix, other work is more long term but ultimately more useful.
That being said, don't be afraid, if it doesn't feel right, to say so, and al find another counsellor. You may just have a bad fit.
Good luck!
