Hello to anyone who reads this. I am on a bit of an emotional roller coaster at the moment, as I await a colposcopy appointment in a few days.
I went to my GP a couple of weeks ago because I wanted to have some bloods taken to check my hormone levels. Nothing urgent as such, but I was concerned that I might be entering perimenopause early (my mother and grandmother both did), as I was experiencing night sweats and thrush amongst other things. Last month my period was incredibly heavy. My periods have always been heavy, but this was really bad - I would have thought I was miscarrying because the size of the clots were so big (I was not – I am a gay woman just FYI). So off I trotted to the GP to see if I could be referred for bloods.
Although my thrush had actually gotten better, the GP asked if I wanted her to take a look and do a swab, so I agreed. What followed on from that was the equivalent of 3 cervical examinations which I was not at all expecting. My cervical smears have always been incredibly painful as I have a tilted cervix and really struggle with the pain of the examination. The GP eventually managed to get a look at my cervix and then said, ‘do you know you have a polyp?’. Obviously no, I did not know that. Then she proceeded to say, ‘It’s not necessarily cancer…’ and my heart just dropped.
My father was diagnosed with testicular cancer last month and my entire family has been in disarray. He has just had surgery and we are all adapting to dealing with that situation. The thought of me now being diagnosed…now of all times…I just can’t bear it.
The GP referred me as an ‘urgent referral for suspected gynaecological cancer’. From the eventual paperwork I received, she has described the polyp as a ‘fleshy growth’.
She did not do a smear test which I found strange. She said they only do them for ‘routine appointments’, but I would have thought she would have taken a smear or am I clueless to the process here?!
She also said that there was a creamy white discharge around my cervix. A few days later, one of the swabs confirmed that I had an internal fungal thrush infection, so I have been given some medication in the hopes this helps clear it up. Since the GP did the cervical examinations, I have had lots of cramping, stomach ache, lower back ache…the works. I expected this for a day or two, but it’s already been a week and still there on and off. This is obviously freaking me out even more.
Sorry, I appreciate this is a very long post…
I am 36 years old. Only ever had 1 sexual partner. I have 1 child (I was the birth mother). Went through 4 rounds of IVF and had 4 miscarriages, including my daughter’s twin. I had a traumatic birth. Just lying on a hospital bed with my underwear off takes me back to all that. So much prodding and poking. I guess I have some PTSD from it, as so many of us women do, so the thought of going back into hospital again really makes me feel on edge.
The thing I’m most scared of (beyond the obvious thought of a cancer diagnosis) is the pain, I just cannot withstand it well at all. I know I will be in immense pain, and doctors/nurses never seems to care. You are always told it might be ‘uncomfortable’. Er no, I’m experiencing immense fucking pain.
I rang the hospital yesterday because I am concerned that the colposcopy date falls on day 1 of my period (which is usually on time). I wanted to know if I could be put on a cancellation list in the unlikely event that any appointment frees up earlier. The receptionist sneered at me and said ‘do you really think anyone here cancels their appointment?’. Obviously it’s unlikely but not impossible – someone could wake up with a stomach bug and not be able to come in. I just didn’t like the vibe/attitude and it made me even more anxious about attending the appointment.
I’ve been in tears on and off; depending on the day and time. I have been through a traumatic journey to get my daughter who just turned 2. I can’t bear the thought of a cancer diagnosis now. I keep looking at her with tears in my eyes.
Sorry for the essay. It has helped to write this all out. If anyone has any words of encouragement, I would appreciate it.
and that what the GP had seen was simply how my cervix had repaired itself after the birth of my daughter. She did show me on the screen but I couldn’t see all too well due to sun glare. She sounded pretty confident in her analysis which reassured me. She did confirm I have ectropion but wasn’t concerned about it and said it is normal after childbirth. She took two punch biopsies just to be safe but said it didn’t look like there was anything to worry about. I assume no abnormalities were immediately present as she applied liquid and didn’t say that anything abnormal was visible. So I am feeling extremely relieved and lucky. Obviously don’t have the ‘all clear’ yet until the biopsy results come back, but the feedback sounded promising. In some discomfort now but I think a lot of it is the anxiety and stress too. How are you feeling now? Hope you are recovering okay xx
I hope you hear back very soon. If I hadn’t spoken to my GP, I may have been waiting for a while longer. They like to keep us waiting don’t they?! Yes please do update me when you hear. Sending hugs xx
