Weell I am in total shock tonight. In Nov I was told that my cc stage2 had gone. I had a follow up MRI on 4th Jan to confirm. It showed that there was no cancer in my pelvis but there was an enlarged lymph node outside the area. I was then sent for a PET scan on 21st and got the results today.
The cancer in my cervix is gone but it is now in lymph nodes up to my chest and a node in my lung. I was told no cure just containment. Wouldn't say how long I've got. I am terrified. I am only 35 and have a 12 year old daughter who I can barely look at tonight without wanting to dissolve into tears.
My doc has said I can start chemo now or wait 4 weeks and have another scan to see how it is progressing. MY fear is that if I leave it 4 weeks it might spread further so I am thinking I will start the treatment.
I know there is no hope for me now but I am so scared of not seeing my daughter grow up and I am scared of any pain that is to come from this horrid disease.
I cant even begin to understand to imagiane what you must be going throught right now. i am so sorry to hear your bad news!!!. i was dianosed 2b in July 2011 and had chemo / rad / bracky finishes sept 11 all clear from jan 2012!!!. you must never give up hope Kim never!!! there are a few girls i know who have been given the diagnosis you have and there is so much they can do theese days, have they spoken to you about any trials available Kim???, I know Louise on here was on that last year and she is doing great now and as had some great results from her treatment. Are you on facebook Kim? there is a fantastic page i will add you to if you are and if you would like me to, so much support just like this site louise is on there too.
i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers Kim and if you want to chat PM me athertondawn@gmail.com
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through, you must be in an awful place right now, all I can say is try to keep positive there is loulouh who avamary mentioned, who as been on trials, and is doing well, please think there is hope, my thoughts are with you, sending you lots of love
Kim, I have no words to make you feel better. What you are dealing with is just awful. Just know there is one more person thinking of you and sending prayers. Doctors are proved wrong all the time as to prognosis etc never say never!! Xxx
Oh Kim, just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you as will be all ladies who have read your post. I cant say anymore than the other ladies have said as their comments are comletely right. You must never give up and get as much information about options as you can when you feel up to it. I would want to start chemo straight away so I understand why you would feel that way - do what feels right for you! Do you have a good network of support you can draw on right now? It may also be a good idea to speak to Macmillan to see what sercices they can provide as I hear so many positive things about the nurses and the support they can provide to you and your daughter/family. You must be in complete shock right now but please let us know how you are doing when you are ready Kim and know that we are all here for you, whenever you need to talk xxx
I would agree with everything that's been said so far. We are all here to help support you and I would also recommend contacting Macmillan - they are wonderful.
Forgive me if you already know about this, but this website may be helpful for your daughter. http://www.riprap.org.uk It's for teenage children who have a parent who has cancer, but as she is very nearly a teenager, it might still be suitable for her. It also has a directory of local support around the country, which may also be useful for your daughter. I hope it helps.
Can I just thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me and for all your kind words and support. I am today in a better place than I was yesterday. I have found a new strength within and I am going to try my hardest to keep going for as long as I can. Today I have spoken with my oncologist and told him that I would like to start chemo and see what happens from there. I have to go to GP on Mon for blood tests and then I think I have to have a CT scan then chemo next week or the week after.
I am under no illusions and know that I am not 'cureable' but I do feel like I need to do what I can. I will see how the chemo goes and the reaction the cancer has to it then will make further decisions from there as for now it is one day at a time. I am praying that it works as it did last time. I did a lot of crying last night, mostly when thinking of my daughter. I have a great partner and a wonderful family around me. I feel fine at the moment, although I know this can change quickly. I do feel better having spoke with my consultant today and he agrees that I should go ahead and try and give myself as much time as I can. I just dont feel ready to go yet, but I suppose you never do. It's great to have this forum and you all are truly wonderful as I know you are all or have fought your own battles against this horrid disease but you still have the compassion to comfort and assure the likes of me.
Today I phoned my local cancer support group but unfortunately they never got back to me. I really was looking for advice from them on how to tell my daughter. She is very mature for 12 but I do know this will crush her. My partner and I have discussed this tonight and we are thinking that we tell her that the cancer is back, but in a new place, and that I will need treatment again, although it is different this time as it will not completely go away like it did before. I dont really want to scare her with words like 'dying'. I know the inevitable will happen but for now I think it may be best to not be so harsh. I have never lied to her and she always knew there was a chance that it could come back but to be fair I dont think it's ever went away. It's just went from where it was and settled somewhere else. I have told my immediate family but have asked them to keep it to themselves until I tell Evan. I just thought I would let her have this week at school. She is so happy and normal and it's so upsetting knowing I am about to destroy her wee life. Sorry that wee was the scottish in me. My partner has 3 kids too who we plan to tell on Sat when they come over for their weekly visit. They are 16, 14 and 11. I hope they will be a good support for each other. My partner had been Evans dad since she was 3. Her own walked out on her before she was born and has never wanted anything to do with her so it is doubly agonising for me. My partner has promised me that he will always be here for her and treat her like his own as he always has. She will live with my mum when I am gone and I have an app with a lawyer on Tues to get all my affairs in order. I want to plan everything but as I said I am not giving up or lying down to this bastard cause it just isn't in me.
Thanks for reading my longgggggggggg post. Lol. Love to u all.
Kim, I wish I could think of something wonderful to say that would ease your burden a tiny bit. Don’t think there is anything.
I lost my Dad when I was 10 and in those days, nobody explained anything to children. It made things so much harder for me that I hadn’t understood how ill he was and that things had been hidden from me. Now, you are going to be here for a long time, so it’s not the same thing, but I think being open with the kids is the kindest and bravest way to go. I am amazed by your courage and wish you all the best with this conversation and your ongoing treatment.
What a wonderful breave lady you are. Your post made me cry, not just with sadness but because i felt so proud of you for your strengh in facing such a horrible situation.
Oh Kim - You are such a strong lady I can only imagine how you are feeling. We are all behind you and here for you whenever you need to talk. Life is so unfair and sometimes I just wonder why? It sounds from your posts that you are dealing with the news in a practical way and have a great partner. I am sneding prayers and positive vibes for your journey ahead x
