Long term effects

This is the first time I’ve reached out to anyone and spoke about my long term effects relating to sex.
I had grade 2b cervical cancer back in 2014 where I had chemo, radio and brachytherapy.
I was advised to use dilators 3 times a week. Which I did for a month or 2.
My partner left me during treatment and went off with someone else, so didn’t have experience In what sex was like after treatment .
I found a new partner a year later , which never really understood what I went threw and the changes it has caused.
We eventually had sex and the pain was awful… the hole time, I had to grit my teeth with water in my eyes preying for it to hurry up.
My vagina has narrowed so much and shortened … making it feel like I’m being stabbed by a knife…
when we do have sex it is so painful and basically will never ever feel the same to before I had treatment.
I have spoke to my dr and been on eastrogen pessaries for the last 2 years. Which help a little bit but not much.I just dread having sex! We use silk lube which was advised my the oncologist at the time which helps a little.
I think it don’t help with having brachytherapy and menopause to cause all the dryness.
I’ve not been with my partner 6 years and we don’t live together, as much as he wants to, I just don’t want to comit. We haven’t had sex now for around a year… I have not urge to have sex, and nothing turns me on anymore …
Does anyone else feel like this years down the line?
If anyone also has any tips that could help me with my sex life, etc please comment.
Thank you for reading

Hi Kylieskool

I decided the only way I could make progress was not to allow myself to be pressured (including by myself) to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with and this has been helpful for me

I recommend the Jo Divine website both for advice/blogs and some of the products (vibrators even if just to help with dilation): https://www.jodivine.com/pages/jo-divine-magazine