Abuse survivor and first screening

Cervical screening (smear test)
1

*Trigger warning for sexual abuse*

Hi, 

I am 24 and recieved the letter inviting me to my first cervical screening a few days ago, the thing is I am absolutely terrified and have been ever since I found out they were a thing. 

I was sexually abused in my early teens and am trying to weigh up wether to have my cervical screening now or not. I desperately want to go ahead with it as I know how important they are, and I don't want to let the abuse stop me from looking after my health. However of the flip side I am terrified of how the appointment will affect me mentally, I really think there is a chance it could set me back massively just as I was starting to recover. And that's not to mention if I found I needed any further treatment.  

I really think I could go through with it with some support but I don't have any. I have had counselling in the past but can no longer afford this and there is nothing free in my area. I have no close female friends, and I don't have much contact with my family and live over 120 miles away from them. I'm fairly confident my boyfriend wouldn't agree to come with me. I just feel so alone and scared and upset that I may not be able to bring myself to do this, it feels unfair. 

I just wondered if any of you lovely people had any advise or words of encouragement? 

 

2

Hi Kate,

 

I'm so sorry to to hear about your past hun but you really need to do this for yourself. We are all here for you. I'm an inbox message away if you need some support. It's over with so quickly I was in and out in less than  5 minutes and it was done and then you can look past this part and concentrate of healing mentally from the abuse. 

I'm here

X

3

I'm so deeply sorry to hear about your past experiences. You have come so far in building your life after such trauma. I, like you had a trauma. I was raped at 15. I did have a smear but after my first though I was immune, safe from cervical cancer. I didn't have a smear after for over 11 years, 3 sexual partners - one being ly husband and father to my 3 children. In Jan 2020 I had a massive bleed. In Feb I was diagnosed with cc. 3c. Only a small tumour but cancer and it was in. My lympth nodes. I never thought this would ever happen to me. It did. Jo's are an amazing charity and we are here for you also. Please try and over come your fears and get a smear. You can see a nurse and take a friend with you. You are safe. I am 41 years old, just finishing my cancer treatment with 3 children. I hope my further is long... For my children. But it is uncertain. T

Jo's phone line is womaned by wonderful ladies ready and willing to help. So are we here. 

Keeley 

4

Hello

Im so sorry to read about what you've been through and I completely understand about the thought of screening triggering you. Its so sad that you don't feel your boyfriend would support you but Jo's is here to help you!

I wanted to share my experience, not to frighten you, but to encourage you to come forward for screening and avoid the same outcome as me. I was raped in my mid 20s and it took me 10 years and to marry a loving husband and want to start a family before I felt able to come forward for screening. Thanks in large part to his encouragement. Before, I just couldn't deal with what I perceived to be the invasiveness and humiliation of the test, after what I had been through. 

Anyway as you can see from my history below, the outcome was ive now lost my uterus to cervical cancer, along with our hopes of a family. I hadn't had any symptoms and did not for a moment see this coming. This could maybe have been prevented had I had treatment a few years ago when the cells were at precancerous stage, but I couldn't bear the idea of it, and assumed cervical cancer wouldn't happen to me.

If i could turn back the clock I would have rather had 100 smear tests, and kept my dreams of a family, and my confidence in my future health.

You probably can't imagine this now but the test was nowhere near as scary as I had imagined. I was in and out the door within 5 min, the whole smear test took only as long as say 4 or 5 breaths. I was honest with the nurse about what had happened to me, also with the team at colposcopy and at my eventual operation, and they really tried to make it as bearable as possible for me. I had only told my husband about my rape prior to this so it was a big deal to mention it (and I kept it very brief, "this is hard for me because im an abuse survivor", that was all).

You may or may not want to think about asking for some lorazepam 2mg which stopped me from having a panic attack but I still felt in control and mentally lucid. Just less terrified. My GP was happy to prescribe me this to help me get through one of my tests. Also breathing exercises were a huge help and distraction. I also had a mantra i would repeat "I'm safe, I'm in control" - and you really are. You can say stop at any time. Maybe make an appointment just to talk about it with the nurse and see the items she uses to take away the mystery and fear of the unknown. You can also ask to insert the speculum yourself if that makes you feel more in control. 

We are all here to support you and many of us have sadly experienced the effects of abuse. We understand. 

Feel free to message me privately if you want to talk 

You can do this xXx

5

 The lovely ladies above have already given some great advice, support and empathy. Whilst I am not an abuse survivor I do know what it is like to fear the smear test; in my case the phobia set in at my menopause. In common with some of the other ladies I convinced myself it wouldn't happen to me and was many years overdue for a smear when diagnosed with cervical cancer (cc). Looking back I just really overthought the test - best to make the appointment today and then you are already part way there.

 

Sometimes ladies post here with very concerning issues like yourself and we don't get to hear from them again which is fine but sometimes I wonder what happened to them and worryingly if they just gave up. So whilst you're here I'll offer another suggestion albeit I think going for a smear test is the best choice. If you decide you really can't face a smear test in a clinical setting then an alternative is HPV self testing at home. The tests can be purchased on-line (if you are in the UK google on 'HPV self testing UK'); you sample yourself at home then send the sample to a laboratory designated by the kit supplier. The results of the test will tell you whether or not you have a high risk HPV (HR-HPV) infection. If you are negative for HR-HPV you have virtually zero risk for cc and don't need to get a smear test (or another HPV self test) for 3 years. However if you test positive for HR-HPV then you do have a risk for cc in which case you would then need to attend for a smear test.

 

If you do decide to self test you should consider how you might cope if you test positve for HPV - the Jo's helpline would be able to support you if you needed to talk to someone and there's always ladies on here who will help you through, whatever you decide.

 

x

 

6

Hi Kate,

You've done amazingly to get your head around all this as far as you have, so try not to give yourself a hard time.

Can you find out if your GP has a female Nurse Practitioner/ Clinic Nurse that you can arrange to speak to before you go in? If so, make a telephone appointment and make it clear that you want to discuss your need for support and information regarding your first ever smear. (You won't have to disclose the exact details of why when you make the appointment, but it would help enormously if you you could do so when you do get to speak to the actual nurse.) 

If they don't run a Nurse led Clinic, then ask if you could have a telephone appointment with a female GP at the Practice before you go in. Insist on this in fact.

When you get the telephone appointment, you shouldn't need to discuss the detail of your abuse in a way that triggers you to relive that experience, but you can very matter of factly say that you were abused in your early teens, you are anxious about having your first smear because of this even though you understand why it is important, and then ask them what they can do to help you manage this anxiety e.g. 

- female undertaking the smear 

- experienced practitioner (have done this with vulnerable women before)

- talk through the sequence of what happens

- what clothes you should wear, and what clothes will come off

- on this occasion you don't want a medical/ nursing student present

- how long it takes (its usually much quicker than you expect) 

- lots of lubricant and warm equipment please! 

- whether they recommend relaxation exercises/ in extremis - a mild sedative possibly?

- maybe allocate a bit longer that their usual time slot to provide time for extra preparation & reassurance

- confirm that someone can come with you (if you want that) 

 

Anticipatory anxiety is the worst thing, it makes everything seem much worse than it is, but it is entirely understandable under your circumstances. Your worries & fears are resonable. When you have done this, (and I believe that you will) make sure there is someone's you can call to 'debrief' the experience and sort of celebrate with. And make sure you have a nice treat waiting for you to enjoy when you get home. :) 

You've got this. Really you have. 

Tracy x

 

 

 

7

Thank you all for your help, and I'm so sorry to read you've all had various difficulties too.

I'm going to ring my local sexual health clinic tomorrow (thankfully staffed by women!) and ask if I can have a telephone appointment with a nurse to discuss how they might be able to support me. I think it would have helped me enormously to have an initial face to face appoitment with the nurse just so I'm familiar with the space and them (rather than them being a stranger at the actual test), but I'm guessing they aren't offering this at the moment with Covid? I'm worried they wont allow you to take people in with you at the moment either (not that I've got anyone to take with me at the moment anyway but if I did manage to get someone to agree to accompny me). I think under normal circumtances I would have coped much better, this couldn't have come at a worse time with the pandemic as well! 

Fingers crossed that they are able to help tomorrow. 

8

I don't know where abouts you are. I'm in Bedfordshire and would gladly accompany you if you need someone. 

9

Just wanted to give a big thumbs up for Jazza's suggestion and this is exactly what I did (self test HPV at home) before going for the smear test. I found it was a very good service and the results were given by a nurse over the phone so I did have a chance to ask questions. 

Had I come back negative I would have felt reassured about my risk level, but I was positive so I knew I had to go ahead with the screening.

As I understand it, the NHS now test the sample for HPV first and if it is negative they don't do any further cytology. So I do think these are a good option. My consultant did tell me that these at-home tests are not yet officially recognised by the NHS but in my case the results matched with the results from my screening so in my case I found it was reliable.

All the best xXx

10

Hello Kate2020 I'm so sorry to hear you have been through this. I just wanted to offer you my support and point out that on Jo's information pages there is a section giving advice on cervical screening for survivors of assault. I'm not good at posting links but the sequence is information cervical screening and then scroll down to the bottom of the page and you will find the link. One tip is to write down what you want to say to the nurse if you find it difficult to talk about your experiences. One tip I would also give to all women is to wear a dress or a skirt as you will probably feel more comfortable. I hope this is helpful to you. 

A

11

Hi

This is a link for information on this website about smear tests and sexual abuse:

https://www.jostrust.org.uk/about-us/news-and-blog/blog/smear-tests-after-sexual-violence

x

12

Thank you Jazza - I need to work on my link sending skills - technology is not my strong suit. I hope the link helps you Kate 

A

13

I'm in Essex if I'm anywhere near you to go with you. 

14

Hi ladies, I just wanted to let you know the outcome as you were all so kind with your support and suggestions. I had my smear test just over two weeks ago, my partner was great at keeping my spirits up and did come with me in the end and waited outside (my choice), and the nurse was lovely. I've found waiting for the results agonising but thankfully found out today I am HPV negative and normal recall in 3 years!! I will certainly be going again as the procedure was actually very quick and painless and although waiting for the results was tough I know how lucky I am to live in a country where I can get preventative medicine for free. Its also relief because now I know what happened to me as a child didn't do any physical damage. So thank you all again for the great advice (I had a telephone call with the nurse beforehand and wore a long dress), and I wish you all the very best for the future. 

15

Hi Kate

Well done! Thats fantastic news. Thank you for sharing your update 

all the best x

16

Hi Kate That's great that you felt able to attend your screening and that all the advice on here helped. I think you are really brave to face your fears and it's so good that your results were normal and so you are on routine screenings

A

17

Kate - I only just saw this. 

Thank you so much for coming back in to update us. 

Well done you. I'm grinning from ear to ear. 

Go well :)