Colpscopy and Abuse

Hi there,
I have just had my first smear as I am now 25. I have been avoiding it for months but was pushed into having it done (told I had a medication review but really the nurse had set me up for a smear).

My results came back with HPV so I now have to go for a colpscopy. I am 1 of 3 (triplets) and out of all of us I don’t understand why it had to be me. I have been sexual abused and still dealing with the consequences. The thought of this procedure is giving me flashbacks and panic attacks. I’m thinking and crying about having a colpscopy everyday. (Given up on wearing mascara)

My chest is constantly tight and I don’t think I will go through with it. I don’t know what to do and I’m making my self ill.

Hi Amber,

I am so sorry to hear your story. Sometimes “why”, even if we get an answer, is not making any difference in our situation.
You are young, your immune system might just kill this horrible virus. Stay strong and optimistic, I am thinking of you.
Sexual abuse is horrible, I am so, so sorry that this happened to you! I hope you are in touch with the right people, to help you deal with this. Praying for you.

How did the appointment go, what did they say?I hope all well with you,

Sending you a big hug. Thinking of you. Xxx

Hi Amber,

I understand what you are going through is really difficult. You have every right to be upset, anxious and mad. It is great you are reaching out on this forum plus sharing your story. You’re not alone and have the support of this community. It’s important to express, in no way did you deserve what has happened and none of us deserve HPV or its consequences.

I hope I can offer you consolation is saying, I am a 30 year old woman who had a similar experience and tested positive in my early 20s, just like you. Speaking to a therapist has really helped me heal emotionally and being proactive and getting pap smears and colposcopy’s (although unpleasant) has really become an act of caring for myself. It’s terrible HPV exists, it’s terrible to be a victim of abuse however, through being brave and proactive in our healthcare we can at least take back some power and control over the circumstance and prevent HPV from escalating into something worse. It’s unfair and frustrating and you are valid to feel how you feel. I hope things improve for you and Ellie is right to say, stay optimistic - you are young plus strong enough to get through this. May things go in your favour.